Irritable and anxious
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 83
Irritable and anxious
Hi there...Day 4 for me. I really hate this internal struggle....I'm moody, irritable and really wanted to buy a bottle of wine today and drink it....but I didn't...I'm home alone every weekday evening and that's really hard...two things I'm stressing over right now is 1. My friends at work are planning a birthday celebration for me this weekend and they don't know that I have quit drinking...it's a surprise what they're planning but I know it will involve alcohol...I'm having a hard time telling them because I hate having to admit to ppl that aren't problem drinkers that I have a problem controlling how much I drink and the things I do... it makes me feel weak incompetent and stupid...I have already kinda hinted to one of them that I don't want to do anything for my birthday...I need to get up the Courage to tell them...
2. My husband and I are going away next weekend for romantic getaway in the mountains and I know I'm gonna want to drink... he will be for sure...part of me doesn't even want to go now. I'm having huge anxiety just thinking about it...and previously I was so excited to go. I'm the one that booked it.
The only time I feel somewhat normal is at work where I'm needed, know what I'm doing and am good at it.
2. My husband and I are going away next weekend for romantic getaway in the mountains and I know I'm gonna want to drink... he will be for sure...part of me doesn't even want to go now. I'm having huge anxiety just thinking about it...and previously I was so excited to go. I'm the one that booked it.
The only time I feel somewhat normal is at work where I'm needed, know what I'm doing and am good at it.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
Hi Hope,
Early recovery is a time of tough decisions and it seems you are finding that. I tried going to a neighbourhood party early on in my recovery. I got through the evening but hated every minute of it. The next morning I went out and bought wine. I realized I could not be around alcohol at all and so for many months, I stayed away from it. It took a long time before I felt comfortable and confident around alcohol.
Early recovery is a time of tough decisions and it seems you are finding that. I tried going to a neighbourhood party early on in my recovery. I got through the evening but hated every minute of it. The next morning I went out and bought wine. I realized I could not be around alcohol at all and so for many months, I stayed away from it. It took a long time before I felt comfortable and confident around alcohol.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
I understand why you are stressed. But if you want to remain sober I suggest trying to stay in a solution.
You're only on day 4. If you can get out of the bday gig, do it. If not come up with a plan. Telling them you're an alcoholic or that you have a problem? On day 4ish? Might want to postpone that. Maybe consider tellin them you're on a 'health kick' or you're takin meds. I'm all for honesty but that might be too much for work people?
Romantic weekend with hubby? Does he know you've quit? Would he be willing to for go the booze? If it's just about the two of you maybe that's reasonable?
Mostly, try not to worry. That just creates stress and that isn't good. If you're done with drinking then there is always a solution.
You're only on day 4. If you can get out of the bday gig, do it. If not come up with a plan. Telling them you're an alcoholic or that you have a problem? On day 4ish? Might want to postpone that. Maybe consider tellin them you're on a 'health kick' or you're takin meds. I'm all for honesty but that might be too much for work people?
Romantic weekend with hubby? Does he know you've quit? Would he be willing to for go the booze? If it's just about the two of you maybe that's reasonable?
Mostly, try not to worry. That just creates stress and that isn't good. If you're done with drinking then there is always a solution.
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: East of Eden
Posts: 420
Why would having to admit you have a problem drinking make you feel weak, incompetent or stupid? If you are an alcoholic, you have a disease. It's no different than anything else. Would you be ashamed of having MS or lupus or anything else? I'm not saying you have to tell anyone anything you don't feel like. But don't beat yourself up with the negative self talk. For one thing, it's a lie. For another, there are probably plenty of other people in the world willing to do it for you. I know there are for me.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Chicago
Posts: 605
Originally Posted by Frickaflip233 
I understand why you are stressed. But if you want to remain sober I suggest trying to stay in a solution.
You're only on day 4. If you can get out of the bday gig, do it. If not come up with a plan. Telling them you're an alcoholic or that you have a problem? On day 4ish? Might want to postpone that. Maybe consider tellin them you're on a 'health kick' or you're takin meds. I'm all for honesty but that might be too much for work people?
Romantic weekend with hubby? Does he know you've quit? Would he be willing to for go the booze? If it's just about the two of you maybe that's reasonable?
Mostly, try not to worry. That just creates stress and that isn't good. If you're done with drinking then there is always a solution.
You're only on day 4. If you can get out of the bday gig, do it. If not come up with a plan. Telling them you're an alcoholic or that you have a problem? On day 4ish? Might want to postpone that. Maybe consider tellin them you're on a 'health kick' or you're takin meds. I'm all for honesty but that might be too much for work people?
Romantic weekend with hubby? Does he know you've quit? Would he be willing to for go the booze? If it's just about the two of you maybe that's reasonable?
Mostly, try not to worry. That just creates stress and that isn't good. If you're done with drinking then there is always a solution.
Recovering
Join Date: May 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,361
I am like Anna, in early recovery (which I'm going through a second time, stupid me!) I need to stay away from anything that involves alcohol. I might be fine,. I might not. I know I won't take that risk though.
These are early days Hopeforme. We need to try and make as easy as possible for us. If it were me I would avoid your #1 and I would ask your husband if #2 can be alcohol-free for you both, and if not then at this very early stage in recovery I personally wouldn't go (but that's just me - I know I can't take that risk because I know I can't go back to drinking, so I need to do everything I can do to get to stable and happy sobriety again).
These are early days Hopeforme. We need to try and make as easy as possible for us. If it were me I would avoid your #1 and I would ask your husband if #2 can be alcohol-free for you both, and if not then at this very early stage in recovery I personally wouldn't go (but that's just me - I know I can't take that risk because I know I can't go back to drinking, so I need to do everything I can do to get to stable and happy sobriety again).
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
I think sometimes people get the impression that sobriety is exactly like our "old life" just without the alcohol. Its not. Its an overhaul of every facet of our lives (at least at first).
Ultimately it comes down to priorities and where your sobriety fits in those priorities. Personally, I'd dump the b-day party and the weekend getaway and focus on staying sober and your work. Might sound boring, but it'll keep you sober, and you joined this site for a reason.
Ultimately it comes down to priorities and where your sobriety fits in those priorities. Personally, I'd dump the b-day party and the weekend getaway and focus on staying sober and your work. Might sound boring, but it'll keep you sober, and you joined this site for a reason.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
Originally Posted by thomas11
I think sometimes people get the impression that sobriety is exactly like our "old life" just without the alcohol. Its not. Its an overhaul of every facet of our lives (at least at first).
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 66
I'm still using the 'doctors orders' excuse a year in citing bad blood test results. Not many people know why I had to stop drinking, but I prefer to cut the discussion off early. Noone seems to care after a couple of drinks anyway 
I agree with the above posters though, take it really easy at such early days. It's a vulnerable time and your sobriety is the most important thing right now.
I agree with the above posters though, take it really easy at such early days. It's a vulnerable time and your sobriety is the most important thing right now.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 839
Well done on day 4
I'm only day 14 today. Last weekend I drove when we went round friends and said I was doing dry January (I'm from UK)
If you can get out of your celebrations I would, just call off sick.
As for the following weekend you say you are going to want to drink but keep reinforcing it to yourself you can't. Will your husband support you and not drink also?
I'm only day 14 today. Last weekend I drove when we went round friends and said I was doing dry January (I'm from UK)
If you can get out of your celebrations I would, just call off sick.
As for the following weekend you say you are going to want to drink but keep reinforcing it to yourself you can't. Will your husband support you and not drink also?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
Could you tell one of your closer friends who is amongst the group planning the party that you got some high liver numbers (or some such thing - on a new blood pressure medicine or antibiotics, etc.) & the doctor told you not to drink alcohol for a bit (keeping it light) & you have to honor that? & add that you're so excited about the party, but won't be able to drink & don't know how to handle it...
Sometimes having just one person "looking out for our best interests" can make all the difference in the world. An ally. Maybe even pick someone who's a little socially bossy.
You don't ever have to identify as an alcoholic to groups of people, but it is totally accepted to identify as someone who isn't drinking for right now because of "doctor's orders." There still might be a heavy drinker who tries to cajole you into drinking "just tonight." That's when you look over to your protective & socially bossy friend & mouth "help!" And then sit back & allow that help.
Same with the romantic trip. Allow it to be an opportunity for your husband to "take care of you" by admitting beforehand that you're scared you'll drink & you need his help. I'm always amazed that when I ask someone who cares for me for help & admit I'm scared, they rise to the occaision! What could be more romantic?
Sometimes having just one person "looking out for our best interests" can make all the difference in the world. An ally. Maybe even pick someone who's a little socially bossy.
You don't ever have to identify as an alcoholic to groups of people, but it is totally accepted to identify as someone who isn't drinking for right now because of "doctor's orders." There still might be a heavy drinker who tries to cajole you into drinking "just tonight." That's when you look over to your protective & socially bossy friend & mouth "help!" And then sit back & allow that help.
Same with the romantic trip. Allow it to be an opportunity for your husband to "take care of you" by admitting beforehand that you're scared you'll drink & you need his help. I'm always amazed that when I ask someone who cares for me for help & admit I'm scared, they rise to the occaision! What could be more romantic?
DOS: 08-16-2012
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Central Iowa
Posts: 365
"They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks, drinks which they see others taking with impunity."
- Doctor's Opinion in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Sound familiar? This was my miserable life until I truly decided to change and followed the program of AA. I would suggest you get to a meeting and start planning your future from there!
- Doctor's Opinion in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Sound familiar? This was my miserable life until I truly decided to change and followed the program of AA. I would suggest you get to a meeting and start planning your future from there!
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Good job on four days! You have gotten started.
At the beginning, everything I did was about getting well and not drinking. I kept a very (VERY) small circle- as in, my parents and people I saw in meetings. I went to about 82 in 90. I am 337 days sober now and it was a gradual process into socializing, as I "added" good people back in. I have no problem being around alcohol now (I actually work in a restaurant) - but I don't go places or do things with folks where that's the big focus, and I have also noticed that the things and times I enjoy are most often one-on-one or in smaller groups.
ALL of that stuff came well into sobriety. I am ruthless about how I spend my time and with whom I do it- and I think this is really crucial in the beginning. IMO, there is NOTHING we absolutely, honestly must do if being sober is our top priority, and that thing or occasion would jeopardize our mental (most important for me now) or physical sobriety.
My parents were 100% supportive (beyond relieved and more) of my sobriety, as is my bf now. The only people I keep in my life are those who are so supportive; I hope your husband and close friends will be for you.
Good luck. Take care of yourself now. Don't drink. Make a plan for your new life- I am a big AAer and there are others who follow different paths.
As was pointed out above.....it's about more than just not drinking.
At the beginning, everything I did was about getting well and not drinking. I kept a very (VERY) small circle- as in, my parents and people I saw in meetings. I went to about 82 in 90. I am 337 days sober now and it was a gradual process into socializing, as I "added" good people back in. I have no problem being around alcohol now (I actually work in a restaurant) - but I don't go places or do things with folks where that's the big focus, and I have also noticed that the things and times I enjoy are most often one-on-one or in smaller groups.
ALL of that stuff came well into sobriety. I am ruthless about how I spend my time and with whom I do it- and I think this is really crucial in the beginning. IMO, there is NOTHING we absolutely, honestly must do if being sober is our top priority, and that thing or occasion would jeopardize our mental (most important for me now) or physical sobriety.
My parents were 100% supportive (beyond relieved and more) of my sobriety, as is my bf now. The only people I keep in my life are those who are so supportive; I hope your husband and close friends will be for you.
Good luck. Take care of yourself now. Don't drink. Make a plan for your new life- I am a big AAer and there are others who follow different paths.
As was pointed out above.....it's about more than just not drinking.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: North of England
Posts: 1,442
It seems there are some big demands and expectations of you right now. I know I could not have quit with all that going on.
If you really can't cancel it all (and I think you should try really hard to) the other option (and I will probably get shot down here), is to tell your husband your plan, have a 'damage limitation' few days and set a very firm date - one perhaps your husband can help you enforce - when it is all over.
It isn't the best option, but it is probably better than making a 'day one' before it all kicks off and then failing at the first hurdle.
Better by far to cancel it all if you can!
If you really can't cancel it all (and I think you should try really hard to) the other option (and I will probably get shot down here), is to tell your husband your plan, have a 'damage limitation' few days and set a very firm date - one perhaps your husband can help you enforce - when it is all over.
It isn't the best option, but it is probably better than making a 'day one' before it all kicks off and then failing at the first hurdle.
Better by far to cancel it all if you can!
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
We are talking about a terminal progressive illness from which the only relief is to be found in total abstinence. Some get the chance to sober up, manymore never do. Of those who get the chance, many blow it and never get another one. They didn't like what they might have to do to recover, so they did nothing or watered it down so much they may as well have done nothing. I'll do anything but that or that or that, kind of thinking. And I'm not willing to give up this or that...
Almost 12 years ago, I am sitiing in the Oncologists office getting the devastating news that my wife was terminally ill. There was no hope of recovery, but, with the application of a particular type of chemotherapy, it was likely that the illness could be arrested for a time, perhaps up to a year. We didn't hesitate, we agreed at once to the treatment and we got a little extra precious time.
But neither of us liked the chemo. It was awful. The side effects, particularly the continuous and exhausting nausea were awful. Aside from looking after the business and the children, there were certain functions I had to perform in nursing my wife, washing out pic lines, cleaning up vomit, trying to get her to eat something. It was the most horrible time for both of us, in fact the whole family, but we believed it was our only hope.
Of course it meant a complete end to our social life while she underwent the necessary treatment, but that was such a small price to pay it never entered our consciousness as a problem.
In all that time we never missed an appointment, never failed to follow an instruction, never tried to negotiate a softer path. We trusted the experts and followed directions exactly. And we got exactly what they said we might.
All of that was done with the hope of a temporary respite. There never was any hope of permanent recovery. Yet in the world of the alcoholic, faced with choosing an inevitable alcoholic death, or a path to permanent recovery which may have some uncomfortable aspects, they have such difficulty in making the sane choice. It doesn't compute.
Almost 12 years ago, I am sitiing in the Oncologists office getting the devastating news that my wife was terminally ill. There was no hope of recovery, but, with the application of a particular type of chemotherapy, it was likely that the illness could be arrested for a time, perhaps up to a year. We didn't hesitate, we agreed at once to the treatment and we got a little extra precious time.
But neither of us liked the chemo. It was awful. The side effects, particularly the continuous and exhausting nausea were awful. Aside from looking after the business and the children, there were certain functions I had to perform in nursing my wife, washing out pic lines, cleaning up vomit, trying to get her to eat something. It was the most horrible time for both of us, in fact the whole family, but we believed it was our only hope.
Of course it meant a complete end to our social life while she underwent the necessary treatment, but that was such a small price to pay it never entered our consciousness as a problem.
In all that time we never missed an appointment, never failed to follow an instruction, never tried to negotiate a softer path. We trusted the experts and followed directions exactly. And we got exactly what they said we might.
All of that was done with the hope of a temporary respite. There never was any hope of permanent recovery. Yet in the world of the alcoholic, faced with choosing an inevitable alcoholic death, or a path to permanent recovery which may have some uncomfortable aspects, they have such difficulty in making the sane choice. It doesn't compute.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Scotland
Posts: 780
Well done on day 4! That's amazing. Being kind to yourself is a must at the moment! Don't put pressure on yourself to go or do anything - eat, sleep, watch tv, read, get a massage. Just don't put yourself in situations your going to struggle with (because in early sobriety you will - there is no escaping that!)
Protect yourself and batten down the hatches.
Things do get better!
X
Protect yourself and batten down the hatches.
Things do get better!
X
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 334
Originally Posted by Gottalife
We are talking about a terminal progressive illness from which the only relief is to be found in total abstinence. Some get the chance to sober up, manymore never do. Of those who get the chance, many blow it and never get another one. They didn't like what they might have to do to recover, so they did nothing or watered it down so much they may as well have done nothing. I'll do anything but that or that or that, kind of thinking. And I'm not willing to give up this or that...
Almost 12 years ago, I am sitiing in the Oncologists office getting the devastating news that my wife was terminally ill. There was no hope of recovery, but, with the application of a particular type of chemotherapy, it was likely that the illness could be arrested for a time, perhaps up to a year. We didn't hesitate, we agreed at once to the treatment and we got a little extra precious time.
But neither of us liked the chemo. It was awful. The side effects, particularly the continuous and exhausting nausea were awful. Aside from looking after the business and the children, there were certain functions I had to perform in nursing my wife, washing out pic lines, cleaning up vomit, trying to get her to eat something. It was the most horrible time for both of us, in fact the whole family, but we believed it was our only hope.
Of course it meant a complete end to our social life while she underwent the necessary treatment, but that was such a small price to pay it never entered our consciousness as a problem.
In all that time we never missed an appointment, never failed to follow an instruction, never tried to negotiate a softer path. We trusted the experts and followed directions exactly. And we got exactly what they said we might.
All of that was done with the hope of a temporary respite. There never was any hope of permanent recovery. Yet in the world of the alcoholic, faced with choosing an inevitable alcoholic death, or a path to permanent recovery which may have some uncomfortable aspects, they have such difficulty in making the sane choice. It doesn't compute.
Almost 12 years ago, I am sitiing in the Oncologists office getting the devastating news that my wife was terminally ill. There was no hope of recovery, but, with the application of a particular type of chemotherapy, it was likely that the illness could be arrested for a time, perhaps up to a year. We didn't hesitate, we agreed at once to the treatment and we got a little extra precious time.
But neither of us liked the chemo. It was awful. The side effects, particularly the continuous and exhausting nausea were awful. Aside from looking after the business and the children, there were certain functions I had to perform in nursing my wife, washing out pic lines, cleaning up vomit, trying to get her to eat something. It was the most horrible time for both of us, in fact the whole family, but we believed it was our only hope.
Of course it meant a complete end to our social life while she underwent the necessary treatment, but that was such a small price to pay it never entered our consciousness as a problem.
In all that time we never missed an appointment, never failed to follow an instruction, never tried to negotiate a softer path. We trusted the experts and followed directions exactly. And we got exactly what they said we might.
All of that was done with the hope of a temporary respite. There never was any hope of permanent recovery. Yet in the world of the alcoholic, faced with choosing an inevitable alcoholic death, or a path to permanent recovery which may have some uncomfortable aspects, they have such difficulty in making the sane choice. It doesn't compute.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Hi Hopeforme
I know reading some of these posts will be hard - but the advice is very very good.
If you want change, you'll need to deal with a few changes - but you won't be alone - we'll be with you
D
I know reading some of these posts will be hard - but the advice is very very good.
If you want change, you'll need to deal with a few changes - but you won't be alone - we'll be with you
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 83
Thank you everyone...for all your input...It may be hard to hear a lot of it but I do value your input/ opinions.
The bottom line is if I continue to drink I will end up either divorced, cheating, financially #%* 'd killing someone and or dead....I have a beautiful 3 1/2 yr old granddaughter that means the world to me. Her and my daughter had lived with us since b4 she was born and her moving out in May has resulted in me starting to drink very heavily... then in Nov my husband started working evenings.
I feel so sad/depressed! I'm starting to think maybe I don't want this bad enough...or maybe it's just I don't want to work for it or make the necessary changes in my life...is there really such thing as not being ready???
The bottom line is if I continue to drink I will end up either divorced, cheating, financially #%* 'd killing someone and or dead....I have a beautiful 3 1/2 yr old granddaughter that means the world to me. Her and my daughter had lived with us since b4 she was born and her moving out in May has resulted in me starting to drink very heavily... then in Nov my husband started working evenings.
I feel so sad/depressed! I'm starting to think maybe I don't want this bad enough...or maybe it's just I don't want to work for it or make the necessary changes in my life...is there really such thing as not being ready???
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