Jojay

With hindsight,I wish that I knew what I was in for,with early wirhdrawal.Should have came to SR and asked for advice and links etc,at the start.I found you all a few weeks along and was reassured that what I was experiencing was how withdrawal can be.For me it was intense anxiety and blinding headaches.I am 8 months sober now and although I get depressed,Its just part of recovery plus adjusting.

manama

Laser insight. I would have thought one drink to be a cruel joke.

August252015

I finally accepted that it was keep drinking and die, or stop and see what happens - living. I didn't have a clue at the time what would come once I was sober, but I knew that I was DONE drinking. DONE.

Best decision I ever made. I wouldn't trade my worst day sober for any day drinking.

manama

Hey pikledboodah, I don't know if it's about what you wrote here or how you wrote it, but it made me cry. Its ok to cry, I think you might like to know I needed it. thanks

MLD51

When is enough enough? That really varies from person to person. There's no need to get to a point where you have lost everything. I hadn't lost everything when I decided enough was enough, But I could see it all starting to slip away. What I HAD lost was my last shred of self-esteem, and the respect and trust of a lot of people. That was enough for me. I simply could not go through one more day waking up and wondering if there was any point of being alive. I wasn't actively suicidal, but I often wished the earth would just swallow me up so I could stop existing. I was probably on the road to drinking myself to death, one way or the other.

Now, sober over two years, I am feeling like there's so much to live for, and I don't hate myself anymore. A lot of hard work has gone into this, and there's more work to do. I'm 53, and finally, for the first time in my adult life, I can look myself in the eye in the mirror without feeling sad, disgusted, and hopeless.

MrPL

Hi Jasmin -I think pinpointing the moment when you are really committed is tricky. I have been 110% committed to quitting so many times I lost count, but still all attempts failed.

Now, on the other hand, I started recovery unsure if it was going to work, but this time I built a plan, have been following it and I can see a clear difference, I d almost say that now, 5 ish months later, I know I'm really committed (&#128516.

So I ll agree with the crowd that says you don't really need a reason to start recovery, you just have to start it. When sober life starts kicking in there ll be tones of positive reasons to back your decision.

P

ChloeRose63

When I realized that I was killing myself and I didn't want to die.

JasminJ

Thanks everyone!
Part of me is still in denial, I haven't had this problem for very long, only about half a year, but during this time there has been very few sober days. I have tried to buy smaller bottles, to keep the amounts somewhat low. I have been very secretive about my drinking. I recently moved and I found a bottle in my socks drawer that I had forgotten about. Party because of my young age hangovers have not been very rough on me, the next day I can pretend to be pretty much normal. Being active helps. Though bad abdominal cramping I do have I talked couple days ago to my friend about it, its an embarrassing thing to talk about. I made her a promise 1 week no drinking to start with. On day 2 now, I just want something. I know very well what is it. I drink loads of water and tea, but thats not helping. I walk around kitchen and look what would I like to have, more foood, but still have the cravings.
You might think what does this 1 week help, I might be in denial, but I'm hoping I can still have 'friendly' relationship with alcohol.

doggonecarl

There is much to be learned in the struggle to quit drinking. A week is short, but if you succeed, great. If you use that week to say, "Hey, you quit drinking for a week. You don't have a problem," then drink, well, that isn't so great.

Mountainmanbob

I was drinking and blacking out.
My wife had enough of my drunkenness.
And once again I was looking the judge in the eye.
I admitted defeat.
M-Bob

Ariesagain

Normal people don't struggle to control their drinking.

For me, I finally started to get that I only have so many days left on this planet and wasting those days away hungover or drunk just isn't how I want to spend them,

Today is day 394.

I just wish I had made this decision 15 years sooner.

Stick close. This board is a treasure trove of information and support.

OneIsTooMuch

100% my experience.

Dee74

don't you think if you could have had a 'friendly relationship' with alcohol these last 6 months you would have?

for me it was much more tike a toxic abusive relationship - however much I loved my partner booze, it abused me, tore down my self respect, and beat me up pretty badly every time we met.

D

daisy1

In the end for me it was my physical dependency (had to drink at work to function) and my physical health that left me no choice. I was covered in bruises, having nose bleeds and being sick all the time (no clotting due to liver damage).
I'm sort of grateful my body gave up because I would have just carried on, I didn't know any other way after 20 years of drinking. I really admire people that recognise and stop before it gets that bad.

JasminJ

Alcohol for these past 6 months has been to numb the pain from loosing a father. I just realised today 28th is exactly 6 months since we talked. I was at the national championships, it was live broadcasted and he was watching. I was 5th overall which was amazing considering my experience. The last thing he ever told me was that I did very well, he was very happy and the next day... I miss him so much <3 I so wanted to be like him, I tried extra hard to make him proud. He always used to tell me to do less, my days were very busy. Well... now I'm barely getting even the important things done. During the times I have felt the worst even a small sip brings calmness. Nevertheless I made a promise and I'm on day 4, not able to sleep and crying my eyes out.

HTown

Unfortunately, drinking does not make the pain of grief go away. I drank myself into blackout every night when my wife died of cancer less than 2 years ago. I realized it did not help. It was getting in the way of healing. The grief will always be there, you have to walk with it by your side. I like to think my honey would be proud of me now, almost a year sober. No longer suicidal, no longer hurting myself, and full of shame. Good luck with the grief. We get it, and we are here for you.

teatreeoil007

Like Anna said, it's quite individualized. But I've not met anyone (yet) who had quit drinking who regretted it.

But, people tend to justify and bargain; anything to sort delay stopping. And did I mention denial?