Sober 2 years
 

Hi there folks
I've been sober for 2 years and I feel healthier and know how much better of I am without it health ways.
However I must say, over these past 2 years I have found it harder to bond with others and my mental health has suffered without alcohol through anxiety issues and depression.
Mostly I miss the adventures I had with alcohol at my side and I missed how quickly I bonded with new people and how outgoing I was. I'm a musician and I play live often the stage is my safe place believe it or not I feel more anxious amongst the crowd than I do on stage.
I got severe acute pancretits 2 years ago due to daily heavy drinking for a few years and told I couldn't drink ever again.
I really understand this and know I'm risking my life if I drink again but for some reason I miss the alcohol and the times I had. I now reslly struggle to have fun unless I'm performing on stage. I find it harder to bond and be part of things and feel a real sense of injustice like I've been robbed of having fun on nights out while I'm watching everyone else drink.
Am I being stupid feeling this after 2 years, any advice would be really appreciated

Congratulations on 2 years sober. I think many of us have had similar feelings when we stop drinking. For me, drinking was a coping mechanism and it made me more outgoing. However, the price I paid for that was to come close to losing my family and it was absolutely not worth it. I no longer enjoy spending much time in crowds with people I don't know very well, so I don't do that. I focus on family and friends and being the best person I can.

This book was an eye-opener for me:

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking
by Susan Cain

Congratulations on two years sober!

I can only speculate as I am in the very early days right now, though I had close to a year a little while back.

There seems to be a debate about whether just quitting drinking is enough for those of us who have used alcohol as a crutch or a 'friend' or to ease our way through life. 'Recovery' seems to mean, for many people, a journey about learning new ways of dealing with those issues without alcohol. AA is about that. So is SMART from what I have seen. I do know there is a counter argument that alcoholism/addiction is simply about that - addiction, but I'm inclined to go with the first view.

So perhaps that is what is missing for you. You have quit but you are perhaps still the same 'you' as you were before. And perhaps you need to look at your underlying anxiety issues and find a way of addressing them.

I can't offer the wisdom of experience, so I'm just speculating. Hope it helps.

" I missed how quickly I bonded with new people and how outgoing I was."

I understand that completely, but on looking back I now see that what I thought was bonding with another drinker was simply two people, each wrapped in their alcohol-induced blanket, simply being able to stand next to each other and feel comfortable while never leaving the safety of their own alcohol blanket.

Never truly penetrating the distance between individuals.

I don't think it's true bonding, just a self-contained sense of safety, of being able to stand next to/with another human being in a shared mental state.

Hope this makes sense.

If you bonded quickly and was outgoing when drunk, you can be that way sober. Alcohol isn't a magic potion. You weren't bonding or outgoing because of alcohol. But you think you were, and that's holding you back.

Sobriety isn't a punishment. Work to be the type of person you want to be sober. He's in there.

All really helpful responses folks. Thank you
The safety blanket aspect of things definitely makes sense .
I'm well aware a quick buzz from alcohol isn't worth my life and perhaps it's time to go back to some counselling as just stopping drinking definitely isn't enough.
Just feels very unfair though be it my own fault that it got taken from me at 22 years old I'm 24 now
I'd almost like to just eradicate the fond feelings I have for alcohol. I just feel like such a outsider in life sometimes

The good news is I truly believe he's in there! Thank you for your response

"Just feels very unfair though be it my own fault that it got taken from me at 22 years old I'm 24 now"

I'd say you're a VERY LUCKY guy!

thus is life, you enter a new era of decisions when pummeled with bad news, but remember, it can always get worse. Do you really want to throw away all that sober time and obtain some type of irreversible damage/pain to your body? Only then to completely regret that you didn't maintain your sobriety, hitting yourself on the head, telling yourself that you just made everything permanently worse.

Don't listen to that voice, it will reel you in and try to end you, sometimes your own brain works against you. You will regret it, if you drink now, you'll just feel sick/tired, that's exactly what will happen, you will feel depressed, your body is no longer used to that substance, don't fall for the trap.

Fantastic Patrick!! :You_Rock_

Congratulations on 2 years!

Welcome Patrick and congratulations :)

I'm another one where quitting drinking was just not enough for me.
I had to change my life because my old life was all about drinking.

It's not fun being surrounded by something you 'can't have'.

D

Seems like you forgot how bad you were suffering w the pancreas prob.

I just caught the worst cold I have had since getting sober 21 months ago.

I felt like hell all day yesterday and most of today.

I used to drink when I was sick. Omg....

I never want to suffer like that again...on purpose to boot.

Stay clean. Be very proud of your sobriety.

Thanks.

Thank you all for your responses. I do forget to be proud of my sobriety. And when I think about the pain my drinking caused I never wanna go near it again.
I'll get to where I want to be in the end.
Just taking it as it comes :)

Two years is amazing!

You were not active long enough in your addiction to do any material damage to your life. That is a good thing. Had you though, aside from the health issues, you would not be having these melancholy feelings about it. I do not think back fondly on not being able to do my job, missing time due to hangovers, missing important memories, embarrassing myself more times than I could count, disappointing my husband, losing friends, and spending 10's of thousands of dollars on black death.

Those bonds were not real and that fun was an illusion. Life is not really that fun most days. It can be mundane and boring. Most people only have a couple close friends and do not go out more than a couple times a month. I get that your lifestyle is different though. I have been close friends with many people in bands. I have also known some who were completely clean. Their band was their job and not an excuse to party. It was their art.

On the other hand, you started self medicating so young that you probably did not learn the ins and outs of being an adult in a normal frame of mind. Now that you are older, it would be like starting as a teenager again. You have to be patient and find your way. You cannot do that pining over your love of alcohol. Acceptance is the key here. I fear for you that you romanticize your days of alcohol abuse. There is nothing remotely romantic about it. You will die, and that is not romantic or cool. Substances that will kill you do not have any benefits.

Just stay busy. Find new hobbies and maybe you will meet like minded people. You have so much life ahead of you. Make finding happiness clean and sober your priority.

I fell for that kind of thinking at 30 years sober and made the decision to try drinking again. All I got out of it was 4 and a half years of increasing hell until I was finally able to stop again.

Now, whenever I find myself even beginning to miss that initial buzz that a few drinks brought me, I think that right through in detail to the end where I'm suffering those horrifying hangovers that make me think I'm dying and all the remorse and shame that come with them.

Truly, for me, drinking never made anything better; that was just a big fat lie I told myself. The longer I'm staying sober this time, the more that missing it fades as long as I never let myself forget the truth.