FieldReport

For two years now I've been struggling with staying sober. I've made a lot of progress which I'm proud of, but have not been able to stay sober for very long. For the past few weeks however I can't make it through a weekend without drinking. (57 days is my current record of being sober, but today I'm on day 1 -again).

One of my accomplishments was to start seeing a therapist. While the sessions are extremely uncomfortable for me each and every visit (as I'm the one who always gives help, not receive it) I do feel progress is being made. I'm smart enough to know that she was not going to have all the answers to my problems, however I was surprised when I asked her "What do I do instead of drinking"? and nothing came up. Give me suggestions, real suggestions, not just say read a book, start a exercising program, etc.

After several meetings with her and this topic once again was brought up, she gave me some homework. My homework was to ask you guys (my therapist was very happy when I told her I found SR and was doing a lot of reading and searching in this forum) what worked for them?

My question to you is, what activity, hobby, behavior, worked for you to help you stop drinking? Was it a combination of things? I'm seeing this therapist for high levels of stress and anxiety that I have. Most of this of course is related to drinking, beating myself up after I drink, then not getting anything done productive when I do drink, or the day after, etc.

What worked for you to help stop your stress and anxiety?

Again, I'm asking a question that doesn't have one right answer, a question that perhaps doesn't even have an answer, but I'm reaching out to see what has worked for others and what have I not already thought of that might just do the trick for me.

Thanks for reading this long post and thanks in advance for any comments and suggestions!

gatorman

Walking in the evening for exercise. We also started going places after dinner. Both helped with keeping 'drinks' off our minds.

enfinthechange

Hi.... I think you are defo doing the right thing coming on here, it's one thing I do instead of drink, chat on here, ask questions, keep up with the daily thread, it so helps to know others are like you!

I 1st tried to be sober in 2014...and had a few more failed attempts I'm between. .. this time I'm on 25 days ans it feels different , like I want to be sober not begrudgingly have to be!

Actual time wise, I am reading a book at night, knitting a lot, I have joined the gym with the aim of twice a week, and been for a few runs (slow fat waddles more like!!! ) And posting on here. ..

I have more time now and more I do stuff, more I can do... so while it's nothing spectacular as I have job and kids so lost time is spent there, instead of a hobby drinking, I have a few lovely things to enjoy. I use mindfulness techniques to make sure I enjoy them. ..

I also read recovery books to keep grounded and I though wit why I'm keeping on at being sober...

Hooe to helps. ... sorry I'm not more wildly exciting !!!

Berrybean

Working the 12-step recovery program with a sponsor in AA.

totfit

I second the exercise. It is great to occupy time, but is my "solution" to anxiety and many other things. I run, hike, bicycle, walk and find other activities where I stay moving. Running is probably my regular go to and I run on a regular schedule, around 600-750 miles a year for the last few, which is not excessive, but enough for me. At 57, I don't see increasing mileage a lot.

There are countless things in which to involve oneself. Community activities, volunteer work. If you are like me, it was not something that comes naturally to be involved socially or with any type of group. It is something that I had to force myself to do "at first". I started refereeing soccer as part of getting my son involved and soon became overly busy doing that. Thing is that drinking just does not go with these activities typically. The more other things you do, the more that drinking seemed an absolute nonsense choice. That is a least how it works for me.

dwtbd

The thing that worked for me was adopting an entirely different perspective. I had to stop 'stopping' and Quit , for good.

The first time I came to SR I found out about RR/AVRT ( there are great threads on these ideas here on SR in the Secular Connections forum).

The thinking that a hobby or activity I may engage in to help me 'stop drinking( with the idea that this activity would work to keep me stopped) was really my AV ( addictive voice , any thoughts about future alcohol use or doubt that I can remain permanently abstinent) setting me up to drink again if I didn't 'do' that thing. That not drinking was predicated on anything other than not putting alcohol in my mouth.

My Beast( the desire for alcohol) will never not want to drink and will use my AV to 'speak' to me using my own thoughts and emotions ie "I'm bored", "I'm sad" "time to celebrate" ect ad infinitum .

The activity I found that best helps 'staying stopped' , is recognizing the AV , separating from and dismissing those thoughts.

Making a Big Plan, " I will never drink again and I will never change my mind" put my Beast on notice that , though I may hear the AV my BP ensures I will not fall prey to Its insidious idea that I have to 'stop' and count the days between an 'eventual' start. Something I did for years.

Hobbies and activities are things I do (or don't do) because I will no longer be stuck in the cycle of stopping and restarting. Drinking is no longer an option , no matter what, so I need not fear (or wait) for the cycle to restart.

Quitting, was definitely the best medicine, It can be for you too
wish you well and hope to see you around

doggonecarl

what activity, hobby, behavior, worked for you to help you stop drinking?

None. I had plenty of hobbies and interests when I drank. I currently have a lot of interests and pursuits that I devote time to. But they aren't keeping me sober. Hobbies aren't a program of recovery.

BrendaChenowyth

Anything physical that keeps you moving, whether it's walking or scrubbing your kitchen floor.

Anything you've never done, even if it's just watching a new movie you haven't seen yet. As addicts we tend to default towards repetition and routine. Don't rewatch a movie you've seen multiple times if you want to move away from addictive behaviors! You need to retrain your brain to enjoy doing things other than what you've always done.

Pick up new hobbies, especially if they are creative. There's something about spending your time in ways that produce something good, whether helpful to someone else, or even just pretty to look at. I am starting to learn how to paint, for example.

Clear the clutter. Do a really thorough cleaning of your house, and get rid of junk you don't need around.

SnazzyDresser

Walking helped me a lot as I was quitting, long walks where I could think. Jigsaw puzzles too. Alcohol robs us of all our time. Look inside yourself and ask yourself what do you want to do. What sounds like fun. When we quit drinking, we have to rediscover ourselves.

tomsteve

My question to you is, what activity, hobby, behavior, worked for you to help you stop drinking?

the very first thing I had to do was want to stop drinking.
then had to be willing to do whatever was necessary to stop drinking.
then went to an AA meeting, got the big book, read it, liked what it said was available for me as a result of working the program, started working the program, kept going to meetings, kept reading the big book and doing what it suggested, repeated.
in doing so, I would consider that the activity I did and it changed my behavior.
could also be considered the interest that helped me.
as far as hobby, they weren't going to help me stop drinking.

What worked for you to help stop your stress and anxiety?

the steps of AA. they helped be look at causes and conditions of both and how to alleviate both.
that doesn't mean im stress free or don't get anxiety.
but now I know what to do when it occurs

BrendaChenowyth

Exactly.

The problem is it's so overwhelming. You have all this extra time now and you feel bored, and boredom is really just anxiety. It makes it hard to decide what to do, to focus your attention. So the more physical you can be the better, because it will burn off that energy and keep you occupied without having to think too much. Once a little bit of that if burned off, then focusing on something more detailed is possible, like building a jigsaw puzzle. Otherwise you're gonna want to get up and move around and you're gonna be uncomfortable and you're gonna want to run to alcohol to alleviate the physical discomfort.

And walking or running is a great time to do serious thinking since you are burning off some of the anxiety that is coming up as it comes up, you won't get overwhelmed by it and go s*** I gotta get out of this, and go drink. Believe me I know the feeling. I think back to my early twenties and I actually had the ability to cope with stress and anxiety without drinking.

FieldReport

Thanks everyone for your input and suggestions. Some really good advice here. I need to develop a recovery plan, one that will work for me this time and then stick to it. As many of you have stated and how my life currently is - if't I'm stressed from too much work, I drink, if I'm bored and just sitting around the house, I drink. Everything good or anything bad makes me drink. Packers won last week - I drank, the Packers lost yesterday - I drank. This alcoholism is ridiculous!

entropy1964

I'll just share what your post brought up for me.

I was always looking for a 'cure' for my alcoholism. A magic pill so to speak. I tried intellectualizing my problem...if I can 'understand' the mechanics of my drinking I can stop through sheer 'will power'. Maybe exercise and life-style my problem away. While helpful, again that doesn't work.

I needed something more. A program that helps me cope with life and all the feelings, good and bad, that come with it. Alcohol was my coping mechanism until it became an addiction and stopped working. Take that away and I'm left with the same life, same stresses and no coping skills.

At some point, no matter how many hobbies, friends and distraction techniques I have, there will be very little between me and a drink. All that external stuff (people, places, things) will fail me. So for me, belief in a higher power and the program of AA is my chosen route. I'm only 5 months sober so I'm hardly a poster child for recovery. But so far, it is having an impact.

It simply requires acceptance, willingness and faith.

saoutchik

In early recovery I would turn to computer games to distract me from cravings. As long as something required my concentration I would not think about drinking

Michael66

Hey there FieldReport.

I'm a bit of a geek, so I'm using my sober time to learn a new computer language. I can lose hours just frowning at my computer hoping that if it senses my displeasure it will magically fix the mistakes in my code.

But I do also get out walking in the countryside and along the coastal path we have near us.

Doug39

I started drinking 27 years ago to be more social. I was out at the bars every night.

But for the last 20 years I mainly drank at home everyday out of boredom. I too worried about how I would occupy my time when sober .

Now 91 days into sobriety their doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day.

During my years of drinking I felt so awful unless I was buzzed and my life revolved around planning to drink, buying liquor and functioning while drunk.

Just the simple things in life make me happy because I mentally and physically feel better.

FieldReport

Thanks for the feedback Doug, I hear exactly what you are saying - still knowing that I will feel better, be more productive, become the husband I once was and just be happier is not enough me make me quit. How can someone just not care anymore about these things.