leasha24

390 days sober for me - and having an off night tonight. Not sure if it's because it's Friday and I used to always go out on Fridays. Sober Fridays have been getting much easier for me so I don't know why tonight is different....

Visited with family where drinks are always served ; my grandma made sure to stock up on non-alcoholic drinks for me so I had a choice of what I wanted to drink. I still longingly look at those martinis they drink though.... I never drank them for the taste - they were great because I got that instant euphoric feeling from the first sip....

Driving home from work tonight and thinking about how I used to always stop at the gas station and grab a mikes hard lemonade to fill up my water bottle with for the 45 minute commute home...

I didn't get my normal Friday night run in tonight either - maybe that's what's affecting me as well... I can't get that high from drinking anymore (and I don't want it), and so I've relied on endorphins from running....

Crying and I don't know why.... feeling off and not like myself .... but so happy I'm not even tempted to drink to get rid of this off feeling...

Thanks for listening.

-Leasha

Dee74

Seems to be an off day for a few people today Leasha - hope tomorrow is better for you
D

MissPerfumado

You're an amazing inspiration, Leasha, in how you've turned everything around in your life.

I think feeling low sometimes is a part of life for many of us. I just used to drink through it and kid myself that I was feeling better. It doesn't solve anything.

I'm glad your sober resolve is as strong as ever.

Tomorrow will be a better day. I hope you get your run in on the weekend and feel right back to normal.

x Miss P

Notimetoloose

390 days is a wonderful accomplishment. Congratulations.
I am sorry you are having a tough day, it is going to be okay and it's okay to have a tough day.
Be extra nice to yourself, be your own very best friend and take care of you today.
I hope tomorrow is a better one.

Berrybean

Sometimes there are off days. Isn't it amazing that you can now sit with those feelings and know that they WILL pass. That you no longer need to react, puppet-like to difficult feelings, but can accept them as part of your human existence.

Recovery doesn't always look like 'feeling good'. Sometimes it is just having the ability to get through those darker times with faith that the light is still there, and that although it's obscured for the moment, it will be back. So, congratulations on your recovery. Sounds like you're doing great, even if you're not feeling it just now.

Maybe a gratitude list might help. Or taking your focus off of your own dark place by helping one from the Newcomers. Oh, and don't forget to check your HALT (Hunger-Anger-Lonely-Tired ). Wasn't this week the week of Blue Monday or whatever they call it as well? Or maybe that's just here in the UK where we seems to have such short daylight hours.

Anyways. Hope you feel better soon. BB

leasha24

Thanks for all the positive responses. It's nice to be able to sit, and sit uncomfortabley, with those feelings of being a little down. And I've never heard of the term blue Monday so I looked it up and you're right that this week was blue Monday (live up north too and our daylight hours haven't been much - they are finally starting to get a little longer though) and when even when it is the middle of the day it's usually pretty grey and cloudy. That could definitely be having some effect on me.

I did log onto and read some of the others newcomers posts and posted a few replies which helped as well. I haven't done many gratitude lists during my recovery and I journal a lot so I'm thinking I'll start including gratitude lists in some of my journal entries.

-Leasha

bunnezjp

Sounds like me after I was +1 year Sober. "Off days", crazy emotions sometimes, etc. Just keep riding it out. It'll keep getting better.

~Bunnez

Mklove

Leasha, I'm so glad you posted this, your thoughts and the ones that followed helped me once again put things in perspective. Trying hard to stay positive but it's not always true that I feel positive. Some of my great friendships have been affected by my choosing not to participate in group social events that involve drinking and overnights, leaving me feeling lonely or empty though I do know I've made the right choice not to attend. It's not even temptation that keeps me away, just disinterest. Though they do ask if I want to go with them, my friends no longer count on me for fun, I guess I should be glad I'll never be the stupid drunk I was, the late night dancer. You have running, I need to find something energetic......

JoeCree

Im about the same time sober, but yes some nights are still gnawing at the bit. Like you it is easy to not drink now, but the frustration still remains periodically.
I will say that missing your run will probably do it, as the necessary endorphins were not given to you tonight. As long as you recognize it, its easier to deal with.
I was a long distance runner too, until i completely tore my hamsting. It put me in a great depression for months, because i couldnt run. I had to rethink of ways to keep fit.
Youre doing so well and have come so far.. just take it in stride and accept that a good cry or bad night here and there are good for you. Cant always be happy..

leasha24

I think just finding a hobby or passion is helpful. For me it's been running and I've met so many new friends through joining running clubs and going on social group runs. Maybe see if there are some social groups/clubs that involve a hobby of yours or try something completely new. It's been really nice to make new friends who aren't big drinkers and into the same activities as me.

Mklove

I'm excited to try this, "meet new people who aren't big drinkers and are into same activities." Also, I've been at the same workplace for 29 years and have so many ties there, time to make new ties in my area which is a pretty nice place with some interesting people.(I think, never really tried) A realistic goal would be to try at least one event socially and continue new exercise plan.

Delilah1

Hi Leesha,

Hope you are in better spirits today. Your posts have been inspirational to me this past year. I think I am two days behind you on this sobriety journey.

Happy Sunday!
❤️Delilah

PhoenixJ

Leasha- I got depression real good. I do not know if that is what you have, but I empathise on the crappy feelings. Some days just seem to be if - despite all the affirmations and breathing and good clean living- stuff just sucks.

leasha24

Aw thanks! Congrats on your sobriety as well. The feeling passed, like it always does plus the sun was shining today - that's always helpful!