Day 4 - Reflection
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 60
Day 4 - Reflection
Hi there to all,
Today is my Day 4. I am feeling much better today as y head is clearer and my spirits higher. I have been looking back on my history and it helps so much that I am not alone in doing this to myself. I thank each and every one of you who have responded to my threads. It truly helps. I have been on a journey since August to become healthier. I have made a lot of positive changes in my diet, and work out program using the beach body program and 21 day fix. Although I have made these changes and have lost weight, but truly more inches, I still have bad days on this journey. The one thing I have not been able to get in check is the drinking/binging. I have not done this in 4 days and I am not planning to. I'm hopeful this time is the time I never go back. Ive been wanting to do this for a very long time. As I will be away from my husband for and extended period, and as tomsteve blatantly pointed out that it may not be safe for me to do this. I am looking at this from a positive note. As I said in a prior thread, I haven't been to an AA meeting and plan to find one where I will be and start there. I am planning to work a program even when I am by myself so that I can have to the time I need to make these changes without any distractions. It will start my own personal recovery process that will be put in place so that when I do come home, I will have coping skills to keep these changes intact. I am not, or do I even have in my mind that I am going there to drink myself to death. I am trying to prevent that from happening no matter where I am. This may sound nuts to some of you, but I swear it's true that when I am in this blackout state, someone is talking to me. It's a male voice, so it's not mine and talks to me about my drinking and the fact that I need to stop this. Has anyone else had an experience like this? I can't place who it might be, I just know it isn't my voice. I do feel hopeful, I am a positive person. I have no idea why this is happening to me, but I do know that I am better and smarter than this and I will beat this beast! Also, a couple of days ago, I was in despair, and nobody was in chat, and I had nobody that I felt safe talking to....so when I got on there was this message for "Chat now" and I pressed it. I did speak to an operator who told me someone was going to call me and someone did. This person wanted to put me right in a rehab facility and was asking for my insurance, etc. So I abruptly stated I wasn't ready for this. I totally didn't expect that, but at the same time, if I needed to go somewhere right away it's good people can get help. Just wanted to share. Choose to make it an awesome
day!
Today is my Day 4. I am feeling much better today as y head is clearer and my spirits higher. I have been looking back on my history and it helps so much that I am not alone in doing this to myself. I thank each and every one of you who have responded to my threads. It truly helps. I have been on a journey since August to become healthier. I have made a lot of positive changes in my diet, and work out program using the beach body program and 21 day fix. Although I have made these changes and have lost weight, but truly more inches, I still have bad days on this journey. The one thing I have not been able to get in check is the drinking/binging. I have not done this in 4 days and I am not planning to. I'm hopeful this time is the time I never go back. Ive been wanting to do this for a very long time. As I will be away from my husband for and extended period, and as tomsteve blatantly pointed out that it may not be safe for me to do this. I am looking at this from a positive note. As I said in a prior thread, I haven't been to an AA meeting and plan to find one where I will be and start there. I am planning to work a program even when I am by myself so that I can have to the time I need to make these changes without any distractions. It will start my own personal recovery process that will be put in place so that when I do come home, I will have coping skills to keep these changes intact. I am not, or do I even have in my mind that I am going there to drink myself to death. I am trying to prevent that from happening no matter where I am. This may sound nuts to some of you, but I swear it's true that when I am in this blackout state, someone is talking to me. It's a male voice, so it's not mine and talks to me about my drinking and the fact that I need to stop this. Has anyone else had an experience like this? I can't place who it might be, I just know it isn't my voice. I do feel hopeful, I am a positive person. I have no idea why this is happening to me, but I do know that I am better and smarter than this and I will beat this beast! Also, a couple of days ago, I was in despair, and nobody was in chat, and I had nobody that I felt safe talking to....so when I got on there was this message for "Chat now" and I pressed it. I did speak to an operator who told me someone was going to call me and someone did. This person wanted to put me right in a rehab facility and was asking for my insurance, etc. So I abruptly stated I wasn't ready for this. I totally didn't expect that, but at the same time, if I needed to go somewhere right away it's good people can get help. Just wanted to share. Choose to make it an awesome
day!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 19
Glad to hear you're feeling good today! Day 4 as well and definitely not feeling as bloated and tired. Can't say I've ever experienced voices but I've never had a blackout before except once after one beer and it turned out I'd been targeted and roofied by some jackass at a bar who tried to rob me when I went to the bathroom.
Looking forward to Day 5! See ya there!
Looking forward to Day 5! See ya there!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 390
I'm on day 4 as well, and strangely didn't really crave alcohol (maybe due to my weekend bender. My mental state was all out of whack and threw a tantrum (which I never do), but I feel ok. I woke up early, but then fell back asleep being tired from working in the cold from sunrise to sunset. Seems everyone reacts differently to quitting the sauce.
For me, the toughest part will be over the next couple months, as I'll start feeling better and almost 'miss' the cruddy feeling, as strange as that sounds. I grew up kind of depressed, and sometimes feel comfortable there. I love being happy and alert, and I know things will happen that balance it all out.
I don't know what I'm trying to say, but just saying it. Hope everyone sticks it out. This is going to be my last shot at it. I'm not one to say "hey, lets do this together", but online it's not a bad thing. When friends quit with me and one person relapses, it's easy for another person to do the same. Umm... Happy Day, and ride the sober wave!
For me, the toughest part will be over the next couple months, as I'll start feeling better and almost 'miss' the cruddy feeling, as strange as that sounds. I grew up kind of depressed, and sometimes feel comfortable there. I love being happy and alert, and I know things will happen that balance it all out.
I don't know what I'm trying to say, but just saying it. Hope everyone sticks it out. This is going to be my last shot at it. I'm not one to say "hey, lets do this together", but online it's not a bad thing. When friends quit with me and one person relapses, it's easy for another person to do the same. Umm... Happy Day, and ride the sober wave!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Glen Allen, Va
Posts: 2,589
I'm glad to hear you're doing better Elliemay215! Keep posting and don't worry about asking for help. I hope the rest of you guys are all getting along as well. Hunter - sounds like a scary story about being drugged at a bar.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 19
It turned out ok. After I finished my drink and it started to hit me the guy followed he in the bathroom and while I was peeing he turned me yelling give me your wallet. So I kept peeing through the turn cocked back and socked him. Out. So now there's a knocked out guy on the floor and I'm still peeing on this guy when someone else walks in and abruptly turns around. So I left, got my gf told her we needed to go and then roofies fully kicked in in the car (first time I let her drive my car) and woke up in bed wondering how I got there. Funny story now but at the time it was pretty frightening to get targeted like that.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 60
Hi there,
Thanks to all for your kind support. It really helps. Delilah - I am heading to FL for a while to get away from Winter. I am planning to work down there to get myself whipped into shape. Hunter - that is a very scary story, and has happened to me twice while in San Antonio TX, only I don't think it was to steal my money, but it was to get me raped by multiple people! Big groups of men buying drinks and slipping something into them. Thankfully, I had my wits about me before it hit and got the hell out of there! One time I ran like HELL, another time I was with friends who took care of me and got me safely out of there. Ohme - I will keep posting and also started a blog - you can read my last blogs from prior times I've been here as well. I also want to hear about your recovery as well> I am going to try and post in the blog daily. Soberstoltis - we are on the same path for a reason, let's keep up the good work! Upstairs - Thank you for the encouragement!
Thanks to all for your kind support. It really helps. Delilah - I am heading to FL for a while to get away from Winter. I am planning to work down there to get myself whipped into shape. Hunter - that is a very scary story, and has happened to me twice while in San Antonio TX, only I don't think it was to steal my money, but it was to get me raped by multiple people! Big groups of men buying drinks and slipping something into them. Thankfully, I had my wits about me before it hit and got the hell out of there! One time I ran like HELL, another time I was with friends who took care of me and got me safely out of there. Ohme - I will keep posting and also started a blog - you can read my last blogs from prior times I've been here as well. I also want to hear about your recovery as well> I am going to try and post in the blog daily. Soberstoltis - we are on the same path for a reason, let's keep up the good work! Upstairs - Thank you for the encouragement!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,436
Hi Ellie
I think you might have somehow found yourself on the front page or maybe clicked an ad on the sidebar (I have ad blocker so I can't see them)
Noone in the chat room will ask you for particulars or get you to commit to anything. If anyone ever does please report it
The chat portal is labelled chat room, not chat now - and it's on the extreme right of the toolbar that runs across the top of the page
(see below)
If you're going to be on your own for a while, I suggest making a really good recovery plan. There are great ideas here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html
I've never had another voice talking to me. Maybe thats something you can discuss with your Dr?
D
I think you might have somehow found yourself on the front page or maybe clicked an ad on the sidebar (I have ad blocker so I can't see them)
Noone in the chat room will ask you for particulars or get you to commit to anything. If anyone ever does please report it
The chat portal is labelled chat room, not chat now - and it's on the extreme right of the toolbar that runs across the top of the page
(see below)
If you're going to be on your own for a while, I suggest making a really good recovery plan. There are great ideas here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html
I've never had another voice talking to me. Maybe thats something you can discuss with your Dr?
D
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