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Crabby and Angry....but Sober

Old 01-17-2017, 01:56 PM
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Crabby and Angry....but Sober

Tomorrow will be 4 weeks since I had a drink. For the most part, I have done well with minimal effort using RR, exercise, and a healthy diet.

The last few of days have been bad. I am soooooooo crabby and viciously angry. No amount of exercise is getting rid of this mood. My beast is certainly latching on to my mood and using it against me. For the last few days, I end it being surprised that I am still in control. It is pretty bad. It is everything and nothing that sets me off. I hide away from my husband so I do not take it out on him. He does not deserve that. He has been amazingly patient with me.

I HATE feeling like this. I cannot concentrate and nothing interests me. This is the 2nd night in a row I refused to cook dinner for fear I will smash something if it does not go right. I literally want to smash things and scream at the top of my lungs. I seriously need to go back to work, but am terrified of the stress my profession heaps on me. I had to leave my last job because I could not handle it. Of course, I was hungover every day as well.

The truth is, I have been getting high on and off since I was 14 years old. I am now 48. I think the only drug I have not used is heroin. I stopped hard drugs many, many years ago and managed to get a college education and a good career. I still like pot A LOT, but can control that urge. I have had years of total abstinence from everything and then years of all out benders. I do not handle stress well and have anger issues. I am just in the habit of reaching for something when I feel like this to take the edge off. Now I have to deal, and it is not pretty I assure you. I want to get out of the house but am too afraid to leave. I just have not felt in control the last few days at all.

I am hoping tomorrow is a better day.
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Old 01-17-2017, 02:09 PM
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The thrashing of the beast. Death throes. Stay strong.
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Old 01-17-2017, 02:11 PM
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Congratulations on 4 weeks of sobriety! Awesome!

I had a lot of anger/rage in the early days too and I think it was simply directed towards myself for making such bad decisions. Someone suggested I try journaling. Since nothing else was working, I gave it a try. When the anger took control I sat down and wrote about what I was feeling and just let it out.

Have you considered looking for a different type of job, one with less stress? It might be more enjoyable and manageable for you. You can get through this and you're doing great!
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Old 01-17-2017, 02:35 PM
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I decided on a 7PM Zumba class.
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Old 01-17-2017, 02:36 PM
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Originally Posted by doggonecarl View Post
The thrashing of the beast. Death throes. Stay strong.
I had not thought of this. That is EXACTLY what this feels like.
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Old 01-17-2017, 02:39 PM
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I know you posted another thread about weight loss...When I was in early sobriety I really couldn't cut calories or cut carbs, I was just too fragile emotionally. There is a definite connection between having enough food and having a good mental attitude and being able to keep anxiety in check.

It's more important to stay sober, eat well and be healthy than it is to lose weight right now. The weight will come off in time. Just don't cut calories too severely, it really messes with your stress hormones.

I am on Myfitnesspal, it is a good way to track and log food and exercise. Maybe give it a try. I've been on there for ten years and it is a great tool.
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Old 01-17-2017, 02:48 PM
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Originally Posted by biminiblue View Post
I know you posted another thread about weight loss...When I was in early sobriety I really couldn't cut calories or cut carbs, I was just too fragile emotionally. There is a definite connection between having enough food and having a good mental attitude and being able to keep anxiety in check.

It's more important to stay sober, eat well and be healthy than it is to lose weight right now. The weight will come off in time. Just don't cut calories too severely, it really messes with your stress hormones.

I am on Myfitnesspal, it is a good way to track and log food and exercise. Maybe give it a try. I've been on there for ten years and it is a great tool.
Thanks. I have not really been cutting calories so much as making better choices, hydrating, and getting lots of exercise. Today I ate bad trying to feed my feelings. As you can see, that did not work lol.

The scale did move though. I felt relief.
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Old 01-17-2017, 03:14 PM
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I heard early on that an alcoholic/addict stops growing mentally and emotionally when they take their first drink/drug. i found that to be true for me. 36 when i got sober, i was 13 mentally and emotionally. i hadda lot of leanring to do.
it was quite a roller coaster for a while while i was learning but the hills and valleys of the roller coaster got closer together as time went on.
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Old 01-17-2017, 03:49 PM
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I've had moments of unmitigated anger in this early stage too. Thankfully, with a sharper brain and the practice of mindfulness, I've been able to direct that emotion in semi-useful ways.

I like your last line about hoping for a better day tomorrow. This too shall pass.

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Old 01-17-2017, 10:39 PM
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I just read recently that as we continue in sobriety there are intravals when our dopamine levels drop dramatically. Thirty days is one of those times, then sixty days, ninety days, 6 months, nine months and a year. You should feel better in a day or two. Hang on!
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