SupportSeeker45

I was overwhelmed with life. I was angry and bitter. I isolated myself within my own mind, even when surrounded by others. I lied to myself and as a result was not truthful to my loved ones. I lost sight of who I was. Once strong and independent, I became weak and dependent. Dependent upon the many glasses of wine that I consumed each night in effort to stop the incessant thoughts that plagued my mind. Once a happy-go-lucky gal with a great sense of humor, I forgot how to genuinely smile and laugh.

I secretly waited for everyone to go to sleep so I could sit and drink a bottle or more of wine until I was numb enough to fall asleep.

Before one week ago, you see . . . I did not have a problem because I maintained a 4.0 GPA, managed to maintain my business and family. My day-long panic attacks were not the result of alcohol withdrawal, but because of some unknown condition that could cause me to drop dead any minute.

I was trapped. I was not living, only merely functioning just enough to get by.

One week ago today . . . I had my last drink. The first four days were complete and utter H-E-Double Hockey Sticks, with constant palpitations and a complete sense of impending doom. On Sunday, I woke up feeling both physically and mentally better than I have since I can remember. Since then, I have truly smiled, and even laughed. I have become more open with myself, and have verbalized my addiction to my family and close friends.

I know that I have a long way to go in the process of healing, but I am focusing on this "new" feeling of life and all of the beauty that it has in store while taking it day by day.

I lurked on here several times in the past, back when I was toying with the thought that I had a problem. I thank each and everyone of you for sharing your stories and your struggles because it truly helps to know you're not alone.

PhoenixJ

Welcome, Sup- none of us are alone. Do you have a plan in place? There are heaps of resources at SR.
Keep posting and good on ya! PJ

january161992

great job heres a chip for ya

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum SupportSeeker!! Great job on 1 Week!!

thomas11

Welcome SupportSeeker, what a wonderful first post. Your description is so vivid and accurate. Yes, you are in early days, but it sounds like you've laid those first few bricks to built a strong foundation. Your education, family and business will only thrive with sobriety. Congratulations. Stick with it.

Delilah1

Welcome to SR!

SupportSeeker45

Hi PJ,
I don't have a carved-in-stone plan in place other than taking things minute by minute. I have been spending my days on here reading, and when my husband and kids are home from work and school I am enjoying every second that I can with them. Now that they're all in bed asleep (when I would normally be pouring a glass), I am here again reading and posting because tonight I could really use some wine. But I will refrain, because I know how much better I will feel tomorrow, and quite honestly... my last panic attack that occurred several hours after my last drink frightened me to the core and the thought of going through that again scares me even more. Now that I look back, it's kind of funny... I was drinking to escape the constant thoughts going through my mind, only to figure out that the drinking was causing the constant thoughts. I cannot remember when my mind was this clear. Thanks for the support!