labgirl

I failed. I failed hard. Started drinking last Sunday night and have every night since. Bottom line is I didn’t implement my plan like I needed to so now I’m starting over again. I can’t blame anyone but myself. I know I can do this. I did it for 10 days straight so I know I can do it for good. I’ve got to get my mind set and focus. Today I’m re-working my plan and rededicating myself to my health and wellbeing. I’ve got to keep a positive outlook cause if I don’t, I’ve already failed. And I can feel those doubts already. I keep having to push them away. I believe the further time I put between the sober me and the drinking me the doubts will become more manageable.

I am so thoroughly ashamed and embarrassed to admit this but maybe feeling that way and still coming here to post is a breakthrough for me. I’m so used to hiding and pretending about everything. Hopefully this disappointment and then owning up to it is a breakthrough for me.

tomsteve

When it rains look for rainbows; when it's dark look for stars.

glad ya made it back.

Michael66

Well done on coming back here! Don't give up giving up. I hope this is the time it will stick for us both.

D122y

labgirl,

Keep trying. I just saw a commercial about quitting cigarettes. It said it takes 9 tries to quit.

Not sure on the relationship, but addiction is addiction.

You know all the ins and outs of booze, thanks to SR.

I still crave daily and I am at 21 months. It comes and goes, but I would say in a 16 hour day of activity, I probably crave about 1 hour.

When I was 10 days clean, I craved constantly when I wasn't actively engaged in something. Every idle moment and especially certain times and days...it was horrid.

Now it is more of a feeling that I defeat by reminding myself...

of course I crave, I am a drug addict...

how awesome I feel now that I am clean...

how bad I would feel starting over...

what is the point of drinking anyway, I need to deal w life sober, I have had enough brain damage for this life...

Stuff like that.

Hope this helps.

Thanks.

least

I hope this is your last day one.

Dee74

Welcome back labgirl - and yeah the best plan in the world is worth nothing without action

I hope you can make this time your time!

D

Delilah1

Welcome back Labgirl!

Anna

Keep focused on where you want to be and know that you can do this.

january161992

glad youre back!

Hevyn

Labgirl - I do think it's a breakthrough. I hid and isolated for many years. When I came here I finally felt free to talk about what was going on - with people who understood. Don't be ashamed. You are brave - and you're determined. You're back with a stronger desire to do this. We know you can.

sonkien

Welcome back labgirl, I'm glad you're back on SR.

I went 7 days sober through New Years, to Jan 5th. When a major set back in life happened that day, I went on a 7 day binge. I realized that I wasted that week in fixing my problems outside of my sobriety. Drinking has only and will set me back in life. I'm rounding up day 3 and trying my best to focus on sobriety, work and fixing what I need to fix.

We're all here for you labgirl! I hope this is your last day 1!

Nuke

I relapsed a few months back after having over a year of sobriety under my belt. Beating this addiction is not easy, the AV is always lurking around the corner waiting to strike when you are not on top of your game.

It is hard to admit failure, especially when you fail at something that you know is for the better. Congratulations on owning up to it and seeking out the support of this resource rich forum.

Good luck, and know that there are always people here to listen and speak to.

Spacegoat

'You are not a failure until you stop trying'

Probably a cliched quote, but there is truth in that.

"When it rains look for rainbows; when it's dark look for stars."

That is a very inspiring comment and thanks for that

StartingOverNW

You're back here which means you didn't give up.

And if you haven't given up you haven't failed.

labgirl

Thank you all for your encouraging words. You all continue to inspire me. Reading your comments makes me feel like I can do this!

wpainterw

Let's all do this together! You and us! We're all going up the same road, climbing the same mountain. In the group, our group, there is enormous power. Believe! It can be done! It will be done if all join in!

Bill

Elliemae215

Labgirl,

I also fell off for a good long while and in having 2 terrible black out episodes in the same week, I realized that I need to get back on before I kill myself. I feel like I've got this, and I lose it again. Such a vicious cycle. Getting started is the hardest part. You are on the right path, happy you you're back!

HunterXJ8

It's a terrible feeling being back at Day 1. Had a rough week at work last week and before I knew it I'd polished 2 750 ml of vodka the last two days, losing all my progress. Aside from an upset stomach and some side pain the worst is just the guilt/shame. Here's hoping this time we can make it stuck.