Scruffanie

Today I am 39 days sober. I found support, strength and hope in the fellowship of AA and I am grateful everyday for this.

But...I had a challenging week this week. Nothing serious, sorting through some difficult issues with my partner, not much rest, a dinner party hosted at my place (first in a long time) and some very hot weather here in Aus.

All of these things put together meant I only made it to my Wednesday meeting and I didn't get to another until today (Sunday). So, Saturday morning found me rather tired and in a state of anxiety over the impending dinner for that night. Some prayer and a call to my sponsor got me through the day.

I was reading the big book before my guests arrived and I had this thought 'I hadn't gotten as bad as them, I could have kept drinking for a few more years'. It scared the hell out of me! I had not at any point thought of drinking and nor did I want to.

So, my lesson learnt? My lack of meetings had put my sobriety at risk. This disease IS cunning, baffling and powerful and I should always make what keeps me well a priority. For me that is attending meetings frequently, especially if life is a little challenging.

PhoenixJ

Scruff- good thinking. For me- when I do not want to do something, it usually means I should do it. Like go to a meeting. The cunning bit- it is more than just booze for me- it is my ego working overtime.
Prayers to you. Hope the Canbra weather does not get too hot for youse guys and the pollies.

Zebra1275

This disease IS cunning, baffling and powerful

True. And it is also very patient.

August252015

I find that my sweet spot for mtgs is 4-6 a week. Life seems more manageable and I don't get sideways for as long etc. if I am down to say two one week, I make sure to get it back up and self correct the next. Some weeks like this one it has meant going to the 730am Eatly Bird mtg rather than my MWF lunch home group, because of work, but I go.

bexxed

Yeah. I'm reading the newcomers page this morning because yesterday I suddenly found myself making a plan to drink at some distant point in the future. I totally get it.

In Gratitude

B

entropy1964

I've been posting a lot about my struggle with getting into action. Not only that, but really focusing on increasing my conscious contact with my HP. Seems the first few steps are passive in nature. Passive is good for me. But after that its action....that's where I struggle. I'm just a few days shy of 5 months and passive (going to meetings, meeting my sponsor) isn't enough. It isn't easy but I'm trying. I know in my heart that the meetings aren't for 'me'. Haha. I'm so self centered. They are for the newcomer....of which I still am. But I'm also ready to do more. I guess what I'm saying is that I get that 'feeling' but for me it isn't more meetings. Its breaking through some barriers and I'm finding it very hard.

dwtbd

scruffanie
Great job recognizing , separating and dismissing the AV.

Any thought of future drinking or doubt that you have 'what it takes' to remain abstinent , comes from the desire to drink(the Beast) that 'talks' through the AV(addictive voice) using your own thoughts and feelings to get you to indulge ITs desire.
Recognizing that those thoughts come from my Beast, separating those thoughts from my 'rational' self and dismissing them, deciding to never act on those thoughts /feelings again and a resolve to never change my mind is what defines 'my quit'.
There re great threads on these ideas here on SR in the Secular Connections forum. RR/AVRT really resonated with me and your post was a perfect example of someone using that technique.
The AV evaluated and compared your past alcohol use and floated the idea that perhaps you have some drinking left to do , until it gets 'too' bad. But you stopped that thinking in Its tracks, awesome! keep kicking that AV butt!
Don't let any doubt(AV) creep in and persuade you that you don't already have 'what it takes', you just proved you do.
Don't let the AV convince that there must be conditions you have to meet in order to keep your resolve, you proved there aren't any other than your resolve.
Congratulations on your decision , find support to help you keep your resolve, and let your AV know you got this.

ABetterWay1

Be gone, AV!

ABW1

dwtbd

It may not ever go away, just don't let it hold any sway
ITs lies and misrepresentations are almost laughable and definitely pathetic when brought into the light.
The more times you send the pathetic whiner away to slink and sulk, the less its tantrums crop up

Algorithm

I'm sad to say that this went on for many years for me. That's the problem with reading or listening to "stories" -- they can become just another justification for more drinking.

I could certainly tell 'my story', but while it may be entertaining for some in a depraved way, I'm not convinced that it would help. Many may easily conclude that they have some more drinking left to do.

I don't want that.

Michael66

Ah that voice that says 'I could drink for x amount of time'. I know it well.

Well done for getting through a tricky week. That's another success that can be remembered.

Dee74

I'm glad you weathered the storm scruffanie - and learnt something too -good stuff

D

Anna

It's always good to remember how sneaky this disease is, and how easy it is to get off track. I try to pay attention to balance in my life and that helps me.