thomas11

I'm in the upper midwest and I always get in a funk around mid january through february. Its the dead of winter and I don't have any winter/outdoor hobbies. Its a grind.

Mentium

I was thinking about an old term my father's generation used to use about getting drunk. They would say someone was all 'lit up'. Seems to me that when we drink we do 'light up'. Everything feels pretty good, worries go away for a while, we feel relaxed and sometimes we feel we can take on the world.

A few hours later - the next day perhaps our 'light' - the natural light we all have is that bit dimmer. And the longer we drink the dimmer the natural light becomes and the more you have to drink to get all 'lit up'.

When we stop we miss being 'lit up'..a lot. And it takes quite a while for some of us for the dim natural light to find a bit of air to start brightening up again. Seems to me that is the tough time - for addictive drinkers like me anyway and I have stumbled many times waiting for the dimmed light to return to something like normal.

A rather extended metaphor for what is the reality of our brain chemistry slowly returning to normal.

Which is to say - hang in there Cusper!

cusper

I am trying to get some hobbies. Today we are going to attempt skating. It's been maybe 20 years. And last night I sat up watching Tony Robbins on youtube. Which, i have to say made me feel a whole lot better.

cusper

Mentium, Thank you for that. you are right. It kind of feels similar to how it was when I quit before. I kind of felt like I was treading water for a while but then I could slowly feel my creativity returning. I know it could take some time.

Cara39

I love that regardless of what I'm feeling I can guarantee that when I log on to SR someone is feeling the same way. I'm on 15 days and I seem to have fallen off my pink cloud, just feeling really low today. Crazy as it sounds I actually considered looking at a sad movie just to have a good cry, I just feel like a need the release. Same as you though it's not triggering cravings, I'm all too aware that I would feel a hell of a lot worse if I was drinking. I don't know about you guys but having all the feels takes a bit of getting used to!

cusper

Hi Cara! yeah it's days like these that I feel that I have to force everything. And I mean everything. Even eating! which is was for a while one of my favourite things. I feel like just preparing something I have to say ok, come on let's do it, let's get up and make something. It's true, after I wrote in to SR I did feel a bit better. I am definitely not happy that others feel bad or anything like that, but I feel less isolated. Also, I find that if i express my depression to my friends they would want to call me back when I am in an upbeat mood rather than listen to me moan (which is entirely understandable) And Cara, I love those movies where I can cry. Sometimes I can cry the whole time then have a great nap afterwards.

15 days is great! Yeah I found that around that mark I began to operate on a bit of a lower level. I am at about a month of sobriety right now and from what I remember I quit in the winter last time too. I just think being hungover would just make it a million times worse. Or the idea of starting from square one seems more depressing than this. I also forced myself to go out with the dog as soon as I got up this morning and that really helped somehow. I hope you are feeling better soon. Sometimes I really think it forcing somethings to happen get me out of my own head. It works some of the time. Other times I know that it is just par for the course and weather through it.

Dee74

Hope this is a better week Cusper

cusper

Thanks Dee! I think it will be a better week. The weather is supposed to be a bit warmer which really helps.

DontRemember

I'll share something I heard a speaker say "sober=Son of a bitch everything is real". Really stuck with me! Have fun skating!