CatfishKid

So after doing a little web browsing yesterday during downtime at work, I decided it's time to sober up before this drinking spirals out of control any worse. So far it hasn't cost me anything too major, but I recognize it escalating.
So, I was determined that after work I'd make it through the night and have day 1 under my belt.....then as I walked by my secret stash, I grabbed it and downed about 4 drinks worth. Once done I couldn't get a grasp on why that happened.....and by the end of the night it was more like 8 drinks. I slept fine and woke up hangover free. But the guild was getting to me, so I poured it all out and left all money and cards at home. Today will be day 1 again

Michael66

Well done on getting rid of the secret stash!

Delilah1

Getting rid of the alcohol was a great first step. What other supports do you have in place to help you?

Dee74

I'm glad you got rid of all the alcohol at home - what else are you planning to do to stay sober CK?

D

CatfishKid

I am unfortunately dealing with a "secret" problem. I've been under the illusion that my wife doesn't know. But the more I think about, it doesn't seem possible that the person closest to me doesn't know I've been downing 7-10 drinks a night. Could she really not notice the rum on my breath?...I'm just terrified at the prospect of confessing. For now I'm trying to focus on how happy I was with my 3 week dry run in august and accepting that if I drink once, it's gonna turn into another day after day run for months again

Hevyn

It was hard for me to accept that once it was in my system, willpower couldn't work. I think you realize that now, Catfish. Sometimes we need further proof. I agree - focus on the good run you had in August and reach for it again. We know you can do it.

least

Use the support here! Read and post daily. It helps to have support (literally) at your fingertips.

columbus

Nip it, nip it in the bud!

Solarion

I hear that women have a very acute sense of smell, especially when they are ovulating, so it might actually be a relief for her to finally discuss this whenever you decide to bring it up.

Plus, if/when you stop drinking, you'll become a good-smelling man, which I think would be nice for her.

Best wishes and hoping I'm not out of line with this post!

CatfishKid

I appreciate that perspective. I guess I didn't really notice it happening but I've kinda let my personal upkeep go as an alcoholic. I still shower daily, but the shaving, nail trimming, hair cuts and so on all get put off to long. What I look forward to most though is not having a conversation while sober end with" we talked about this last night, what do you mean you don't remember"

columbus

"I still shower daily, but the shaving, nail trimming, hair cuts and so on all get put off to long."

I'm off to my first haircut in four months.

I remember the old comedian Sid Ceasar talking about his recovery from alcoholism and saying that something as simple as leaving the house for a haircut, being ABLE to sit there and look in that mirror, was a major accomplishment.

Incontrol15

I can relate. Very powerful observation and liberating once accomplished.

I find a major part of recovery is simply being able to look in that mirror. All effort should be directed to making the person in the mirror loveable, honest, and confident.

Not drinking is only a piece of that puzzle. If we out our focus on the overall puzzle, we do better. Much, much better with long term benefits.

If we only focus on doing what's necessary to stop drinking, we leave many things on the table. We may be able to appreciate that person in the mirror more, but far from in live with him/her.

Zebra1275

I've been under the illusion that my wife doesn't know.

She knows, she just doesn't know what to do about it.

She might also be in her own kind of denial, "maybe, if I don't confront him, the secret drinking will just go away."