Back again
 

Hello all. Some of you may remember me, though it is a while now since I was here. I had a long spell of sobriety of almost a year while doing AA which ended a couple of years ago now and since then I've tried to drink and remain sane and frankly fought, as ever, a losing battle. I've had a few dry periods but nothing serious and I have tried a couple of the new routes including some of the drugs that people are experimenting with. Nothing however has worked and I remain on the merry-go-round of drinking a bottle and a half+ of strong wine every night and feeling completely strung out, on edge, anxious and messed up the following day until the next 'fix'.

I struggled with AA as I am an atheist and despite what people commonly say there are times when there is at least a degree of pressure to see the mystical as one's source of support and escape from addiction. However AA has worked for me in the past and has supported me through several long spells of sobriety over my life, mostly I suspect because of the support from other members. There are 'secular' Step interpretations too of course. So I have concluded I stopped going to AA ultimately not because of the spiritual higher power thing but because the booze won, yet again.

My last drink was last night. I phoned an old AA pal this morning and he is meeting me outside the meeting room before the meeting. I have dumped all the booze in the house and texted my partner at work, that I am going to a meeting. She is, and always has been, a great support.

I am not a fall down, shouty off your face alcoholic and never have been, but alcohol has none the less made my life miserable. I have no other choice other than to fight it as best I can. Wish me luck.

Good luck Mentium! I don't remember you because I am quite new around here, but I support you. This is within your control. Sounds like you have acceptance, a supportive partner, and the beginning of a good solid plan, so you are well on your way. Post often and make today the start of a new life of freedom.

Hey Mentium
Welcome back. And good on ya for not making excuses for the drinking. It just won and that's what happens to me for sure. I had a helluva day yesterday and believe me, my mind was really trying desperately to make me think that drinking was a good idea. I am thankful that yesterday I saw the truth.

AA is an excellent source of support, knowledge and strength. If it keeps you sober, that's all that matters. Your addiction obviously is trying to separate you from that source. Don't let it.

Good luck.

i remember you, Mentium.
it's good to see you back.

Welcome ☺

Welcome back! Sounds like a good beginning of a plan!

Hope you find what works for you.

Mentium - well done on reaching out to an AA friend again.

Glad to see you again, Mentium! You're never alone - you have us.

Welcome back Mentium, I hope you can find a solution and we are here to help.

Thanks everyone. Back home after meeting #1. I was a little anxious - returning after 'failing' etc. But I need not have been. Many familiar faces and all very welcoming and also as with the best meetings a lot of the subject matter seemed to fit my situation perfectly. First night coming up. I don't expect to sleep much but I have an Ipad and this forum to read if needs be!

Welcome back Mentium :)

D

Of course we remember you, Mentium! It's great to see you back again. I'm sorry you've had a rough go of it lately but the tools to get sober are still there, buried in the toolbox.

I too am an atheist. I don't know much about AA but it's my understanding that some chapters/groups are less into the religious aspect of things. Of course, you might also drop into the Secular Connections subforum here at SR. As you have no doubt heard me say before AVRT saved my life. Four + years sober now with just SR & AVRT. You might want to try it if you have not done so before.

Thanks everyone. 'Night one' over with. Slept badly of course, though not as badly as I might have done. I had managed to taper of ever so slightly two or three days before stopping, plus I took an exta half of my anti-depressant so I got three or four hours in I would guess.

Finding the traction to actually motivate a 'day one' is hard, keeping that up for a few weeks and months is a bit easier (in my experience), keeping it up long term, when memories of how bad one was feeling are fading and the booze is whispering to you is another thing and my downfall in the past.

MOS - yes I tried AVTR and other methods with some but not much success. It seems to me I have finally realised that it is person to person 'fellowship' which makes the difference to me. I will post and reads in the secular section too.

Welcome back Mentium!!