Determined to Try
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 12
Determined to Try
I'm relieved that I have finally decided to take the first step in an effort to free myself from what is, and has been, a long addiction to drugs and alcohol. I know not where this road may lead but if the first step toward recovery is to admit you have a problem as I have been told, I recognize that I definitely have a problem. I have admitted this problem not only to myself but to my wife, son and daughter. I have also enlisted the backup of a recovering alcoholic to help me when times get tough (as I am most certain they will). Hopefully, this is a good start.
A quick history of my sordid abuse of alcohol and drugs: I come from a long line of drunks. My father was an alcoholic as was his father. My mother was not an alcoholic but her father was as well as all 3 of his brothers. I have 5 cousins on my father's side, 3 of whom are alcoholics. The list goes on and on so I obviously have some genetic inclination toward addiction. I guess I am what one would refer to as a "functioning alcoholic" since I have been blessed with a very successful career in sales administration that has provided me and my family with a reasonably-affluent lifestyle for the past 37 years. I normally do not drink until after 5pm, although in recent months, now that I am semi-retired, I have sometimes started in the early afternoon by having a couple of beers (normally my drink of choice....I'm not really a hard-liquor drinker) that I use to wash down a Vicodin or two (10mg/300). Also, I am not a raging lunatic when it comes to drinking, normally sticking to 5-6 or so beers over the course of the average day accompanied by 3-4 Vicodins. I find that this method provides me with a nice, mellow buzz that induces a very pleasant euphoria for several hours every evening without turning me into a zombie. I began taking Vicodins as the result of a neurological disorder with which I have been dealing for the past 6 years so I would say that my combined alcohol and drug abuse really began in earnest at that time (and, yes, of course I understand the risks of mixing the two but I really don't deviate from this routine and I have never had an interaction issue). I also smoke marijuana on occasion as a pain-relief supplement but often go for days or even weeks on end without smoking pot so I'd like to believe that it is not really a part of my addiction (fooling myself perhaps?). Not blaming my career for my substance abuse issues but the industry in which I work and the job within which I have held is very alcohol-oriented....lots of client dinners and parties with cocktails, beer and bottles of wine. Being semi-retired, I am in the process of transitioning into the academic world as a teacher for a local community college where, hopefully, the culture will not be nearly as alcohol-oriented so perhaps some of my usual triggers will not be in play. I sure hope so, although I'm certain there are plenty of alcoholic teachers out there so I'm not naive enough to believe that this by itself will be a huge difference-maker. Hopefully it will be of some help, however.
I picked Friday, January 13 as the target date to begin my recovery. My mother-in-law is coming to town to visit for a week that day and she does not drink at all so I thought that might provide me with a good backdrop to begin my attempt at recovery. My wife doesn't drink hardly at all....maybe a glass of wine with dinner when we go out to eat or something similar but her drinking habits are nowhere near as frequent or consistent as mine are. She doesn't abuse drugs at all to the best of my knowledge.
I have made several attempts in the past to stop drinking without success. However, this time I feel much more determined and focused. I truly WANT to stop drinking and taking Vicodins. I realize that I am slowly destroying my health and, now that I am into my early 60s, feel the inevitable need to address these issues if I am going to expect to have a typical life-expectancy and maintain a reasonable degree of health during the years I have left.
Anyway, that's my story in a nutshell. I'm going to give this my best shot starting on Friday. Frankly, my biggest concern is the physical withdrawal symptoms that I experienced the last time I attempted to stop drinking. I couldn't sleep, had headaches and tremors, experienced mood swings, felt depressed and suffered from tremendous anxiety issues. It was literally hell on earth and I backslid after only a couple of days. Maybe it's a mistake but I just don't feel equipped to handle a dual-withdrawal right now so my plan is to deal with the alcohol first and the Vicodins at a subsequent time. Starting this Friday, it'll be one day's sobriety that will be my immediate goal.
If anyone has advice or comments, please bring them on. I'm a total newbie here and I know I have a hard road in front of me but I also feel a greater sense of need and determination than ever before so I hope I am taking the proper initial steps. Thanks for reading!
A quick history of my sordid abuse of alcohol and drugs: I come from a long line of drunks. My father was an alcoholic as was his father. My mother was not an alcoholic but her father was as well as all 3 of his brothers. I have 5 cousins on my father's side, 3 of whom are alcoholics. The list goes on and on so I obviously have some genetic inclination toward addiction. I guess I am what one would refer to as a "functioning alcoholic" since I have been blessed with a very successful career in sales administration that has provided me and my family with a reasonably-affluent lifestyle for the past 37 years. I normally do not drink until after 5pm, although in recent months, now that I am semi-retired, I have sometimes started in the early afternoon by having a couple of beers (normally my drink of choice....I'm not really a hard-liquor drinker) that I use to wash down a Vicodin or two (10mg/300). Also, I am not a raging lunatic when it comes to drinking, normally sticking to 5-6 or so beers over the course of the average day accompanied by 3-4 Vicodins. I find that this method provides me with a nice, mellow buzz that induces a very pleasant euphoria for several hours every evening without turning me into a zombie. I began taking Vicodins as the result of a neurological disorder with which I have been dealing for the past 6 years so I would say that my combined alcohol and drug abuse really began in earnest at that time (and, yes, of course I understand the risks of mixing the two but I really don't deviate from this routine and I have never had an interaction issue). I also smoke marijuana on occasion as a pain-relief supplement but often go for days or even weeks on end without smoking pot so I'd like to believe that it is not really a part of my addiction (fooling myself perhaps?). Not blaming my career for my substance abuse issues but the industry in which I work and the job within which I have held is very alcohol-oriented....lots of client dinners and parties with cocktails, beer and bottles of wine. Being semi-retired, I am in the process of transitioning into the academic world as a teacher for a local community college where, hopefully, the culture will not be nearly as alcohol-oriented so perhaps some of my usual triggers will not be in play. I sure hope so, although I'm certain there are plenty of alcoholic teachers out there so I'm not naive enough to believe that this by itself will be a huge difference-maker. Hopefully it will be of some help, however.
I picked Friday, January 13 as the target date to begin my recovery. My mother-in-law is coming to town to visit for a week that day and she does not drink at all so I thought that might provide me with a good backdrop to begin my attempt at recovery. My wife doesn't drink hardly at all....maybe a glass of wine with dinner when we go out to eat or something similar but her drinking habits are nowhere near as frequent or consistent as mine are. She doesn't abuse drugs at all to the best of my knowledge.
I have made several attempts in the past to stop drinking without success. However, this time I feel much more determined and focused. I truly WANT to stop drinking and taking Vicodins. I realize that I am slowly destroying my health and, now that I am into my early 60s, feel the inevitable need to address these issues if I am going to expect to have a typical life-expectancy and maintain a reasonable degree of health during the years I have left.
Anyway, that's my story in a nutshell. I'm going to give this my best shot starting on Friday. Frankly, my biggest concern is the physical withdrawal symptoms that I experienced the last time I attempted to stop drinking. I couldn't sleep, had headaches and tremors, experienced mood swings, felt depressed and suffered from tremendous anxiety issues. It was literally hell on earth and I backslid after only a couple of days. Maybe it's a mistake but I just don't feel equipped to handle a dual-withdrawal right now so my plan is to deal with the alcohol first and the Vicodins at a subsequent time. Starting this Friday, it'll be one day's sobriety that will be my immediate goal.
If anyone has advice or comments, please bring them on. I'm a total newbie here and I know I have a hard road in front of me but I also feel a greater sense of need and determination than ever before so I hope I am taking the proper initial steps. Thanks for reading!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Glen Allen, Va
Posts: 2,589
Welcome aboard! I'd join that January 2017 newcomer to recovery thread first thing. There's people there all quitting the same month as you. And I'm guessing more experienced people than me will come along with more help. Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 22
Have you seen your doctor about quitting? If you've been drinking on a daily basis and taking vicodin for a long period, I would be hesitant to quit without seeing your doctor first, especially since you had moderately concerning physical withdrawal symptoms last time.
You can do this! And yes, I think you are making the right choice taking it one at a time and quitting alcohol first.
Best of luck to you and welcome.
You can do this! And yes, I think you are making the right choice taking it one at a time and quitting alcohol first.
Best of luck to you and welcome.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Welcome Blue.
Yes admitting you have a problem or are alcoholic (like me) is part of the first step. "I know not where this road may lead".....I know what you're saying here. I know where my drinking will take me, but recovery? That's a whole new deal. And believe me, its a massive improvement.
So you've got a few substances you're abusing. You already know that the tylenol in Vicodin combined with booze is a liver killer. Not to mention the possibility of respiratory failure. Ok got it. Have you considered a medical detox? You're not young (I'm not either
) and it makes sense to involve a dr on this. And the hell you describe of the first few days won't be quite as hell-ish. I really recommend that.
You really should get honest with your dr. IMO.'
Good luck.
Yes admitting you have a problem or are alcoholic (like me) is part of the first step. "I know not where this road may lead".....I know what you're saying here. I know where my drinking will take me, but recovery? That's a whole new deal. And believe me, its a massive improvement.
So you've got a few substances you're abusing. You already know that the tylenol in Vicodin combined with booze is a liver killer. Not to mention the possibility of respiratory failure. Ok got it. Have you considered a medical detox? You're not young (I'm not either
) and it makes sense to involve a dr on this. And the hell you describe of the first few days won't be quite as hell-ish. I really recommend that.You really should get honest with your dr. IMO.'
Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Welshman living in Cork, Ireland
Posts: 737
Hi BlueAero, welcome.
I agree with Vivien re consulting your Dr before going cold turkey as it can be very dangerous to suddenly stop following long-term misuse.
I myself am in the January 2017 class and would be delighted to hear from you there.
I agree with Vivien re consulting your Dr before going cold turkey as it can be very dangerous to suddenly stop following long-term misuse.
I myself am in the January 2017 class and would be delighted to hear from you there.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: California
Posts: 1,914
Hey BlueAero! Happy you're here!
I definitely recommend both consulting with a doctor and coming up with a plan to stay sober. I like the idea of having people around who don't drink for that first bit of time when things may be hardest. What about after that? Are you interested in joining a program or do you have some other ideas? A plan may not seem important, but I can tell you it really is! For me it's mostly this website, Iost and read on here at the very least once a day, but right now, since I relapsed and am just coming back, I'm on this website pretty much from the moment I wake up until the moment I go to sleep. It might be over kill, but it worked the first time I got clean so why not stick with what I know works?
I hope you continue to visit and post here! We're happy to have you!
I definitely recommend both consulting with a doctor and coming up with a plan to stay sober. I like the idea of having people around who don't drink for that first bit of time when things may be hardest. What about after that? Are you interested in joining a program or do you have some other ideas? A plan may not seem important, but I can tell you it really is! For me it's mostly this website, Iost and read on here at the very least once a day, but right now, since I relapsed and am just coming back, I'm on this website pretty much from the moment I wake up until the moment I go to sleep. It might be over kill, but it worked the first time I got clean so why not stick with what I know works?
I hope you continue to visit and post here! We're happy to have you!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,036
Welcome to SR, you will find lots of support on here. One thought is flipping your mindset, your thread is titled "Detemined to Try," think about dropping the try and have the mindset of determined. Having the attitude that I no longer drink was an important base for my recovery.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,380
Welcome Aero
Some great advice here already
I'll hone in on one aspect - I found it very difficult to stay sober while still smoking weed because getting high made really dumb ideas, like drinking again, really good.
I also got addicted to pot just as much as I did to alcohol.
My advice is drop the lot - why struggle hard and then still have one hand bound?
D
Some great advice here already
I'll hone in on one aspect - I found it very difficult to stay sober while still smoking weed because getting high made really dumb ideas, like drinking again, really good.
I also got addicted to pot just as much as I did to alcohol.
My advice is drop the lot - why struggle hard and then still have one hand bound?
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I have to agree with Dee. A clean break.
The best, easiest and fastest way with the least discomfort is going to be medical intervention.
I had to quit all of them to quit any of them. I tried to quit one or the other, and ended up right where I started. It just didn't work to keep one and quit another.
You can do it.
The best, easiest and fastest way with the least discomfort is going to be medical intervention.
I had to quit all of them to quit any of them. I tried to quit one or the other, and ended up right where I started. It just didn't work to keep one and quit another.
You can do it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Welcome to SR, as you can see there are many great people here all in the same boat. Either working to get sober, or maintaining our sobriety. I think you've made a wise decision and support any and all your efforts on your new journey. You won't regret it. Early days are rough.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 2,278
Thank you so much for this post.. My AV has been trying to convince me that I dont have a problem & am not an alcoholic as I dont get blackout drunk most of the time, only drinking between 4-8 drinks every night.. Ive needed to hear your story to know my heart is right about my problem & that my mind is an arse lol
Stay strong, we can all overcome this together...
Stay strong, we can all overcome this together...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 12
Wow....thanks to all of you! I am overwhelmed by the degree of individual support that seems to be available here!! So glad I found this site! I predict this will be a much-needed harbor for which I can seek shelter when the seas start getting rough (which I fear they inevitably will). What's the old saying? "If it was that easy, everybody would do it!". 
Anyway, some great advice, particularly as it applies to perhaps seeking my doctor's input, counsel and assistance before I just dive headlong off into the abyss. That might sound like a cop-out but several members here were emphatic about that so it must have some validity, no? The withdrawal symptoms are what frighten me the most so if I can lessen them to some degree by confiding in my doctor (I've been lying to him for years about my alcohol abuse although HE is my supplier for the Vikes so....doesn't he bear some culpability here???). Great advice, really made me stop and think.
What do y'all (that's what we say in Texas to mean "all or any of you") think about going through supervised (as in "in patient") detox before tackling this? If I could start off clean and leave the withdrawal demons in the past, I think I'd feel much more confident about taking the ball from there. Any advice really is appreciated.
As far as the pot goes, I can take it or leave it so if y'all think I should ditch the reefer too, that's easy. It's not that I need it and never have (and I have been smoking pot on a sporadic basis since I was 16). I just like getting high, that's all. Same way with the alcohol, same way with the Vikes. Problem with those two as opposed to weed is I am compelled to use them on a daily basis whereas I can give up smoking dope just like snapping my fingers. Guess I'm lucky in that regard.
Also, to Delilah1, I used the "Determined to Try" title as a reference to a line from one of my favorite songs....Learning to Fly by Pink Floyd. From now on, "Determined" it is!! Thanks!!
Also, to flickaflip....yes I am absolutely aware of the potential for serious liver damage with my existing regimen. It's one of the big motivators for me to stop! Thanks for the reminder!
So, my ultimate question for y'all is....should I go ahead with my plans to attempt to abstain from alcohol starting tomorrow (my quit date) or should I seek my doctor's advice first and perhaps get some help and guidance from him?
Lastly, and not to seem ignorant but I an a total noob here so please pardon me but....what does "AV" stand for?
Thanks again....anxiously awaiting responses!!
Anyway, some great advice, particularly as it applies to perhaps seeking my doctor's input, counsel and assistance before I just dive headlong off into the abyss. That might sound like a cop-out but several members here were emphatic about that so it must have some validity, no? The withdrawal symptoms are what frighten me the most so if I can lessen them to some degree by confiding in my doctor (I've been lying to him for years about my alcohol abuse although HE is my supplier for the Vikes so....doesn't he bear some culpability here???). Great advice, really made me stop and think.
What do y'all (that's what we say in Texas to mean "all or any of you") think about going through supervised (as in "in patient") detox before tackling this? If I could start off clean and leave the withdrawal demons in the past, I think I'd feel much more confident about taking the ball from there. Any advice really is appreciated.
As far as the pot goes, I can take it or leave it so if y'all think I should ditch the reefer too, that's easy. It's not that I need it and never have (and I have been smoking pot on a sporadic basis since I was 16). I just like getting high, that's all. Same way with the alcohol, same way with the Vikes. Problem with those two as opposed to weed is I am compelled to use them on a daily basis whereas I can give up smoking dope just like snapping my fingers. Guess I'm lucky in that regard.
Also, to Delilah1, I used the "Determined to Try" title as a reference to a line from one of my favorite songs....Learning to Fly by Pink Floyd. From now on, "Determined" it is!! Thanks!!
Also, to flickaflip....yes I am absolutely aware of the potential for serious liver damage with my existing regimen. It's one of the big motivators for me to stop! Thanks for the reminder!
So, my ultimate question for y'all is....should I go ahead with my plans to attempt to abstain from alcohol starting tomorrow (my quit date) or should I seek my doctor's advice first and perhaps get some help and guidance from him?
Lastly, and not to seem ignorant but I an a total noob here so please pardon me but....what does "AV" stand for?
Thanks again....anxiously awaiting responses!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Welshman living in Cork, Ireland
Posts: 737
Hi BlueAero, yes the response is incredible isn't it. I remember feeling the same following my tentative first approach.
Keep reading, posting and learning. You do seem open to ideas. That, I think, is a healthy approach.
AV stands for Addictive Voice. Look for AVRT posts to understand more of this approach.
Keep reading, posting and learning. You do seem open to ideas. That, I think, is a healthy approach.
AV stands for Addictive Voice. Look for AVRT posts to understand more of this approach.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,531
Great to meet you, BlueAero. Good stuff here already - so I'll just say I'm so glad you found us. I love what you said about SR being a harbor. I felt that way many years ago when I came crawling in here. I never left.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
I say "yes!" to considering a medical detox (inpatient). It would be a powerful way to begin recovery (100% clean & sober)!
There are real physical dangers to detoxing at home. I'm 50 now, so when I say that as we get older there are more risks, please take no offense.
I raise a glass of sparkly water to the amazing journey you are about to embark on. May recovery bring you a thousand unanticipated joys!
There are real physical dangers to detoxing at home. I'm 50 now, so when I say that as we get older there are more risks, please take no offense.
I raise a glass of sparkly water to the amazing journey you are about to embark on. May recovery bring you a thousand unanticipated joys!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: California
Posts: 1,914
Originally Posted by BlueAero 
Anyway, some great advice, particularly as it applies to perhaps seeking my doctor's input, counsel and assistance before I just dive headlong off into the abyss. That might sound like a cop-out but several members here were emphatic about that so it must have some validity, no? The withdrawal symptoms are what frighten me the most so if I can lessen them to some degree by confiding in my doctor (I've been lying to him for years about my alcohol abuse although HE is my supplier for the Vikes so....doesn't he bear some culpability here???). Great advice, really made me stop and think.
What do y'all (that's what we say in Texas to mean "all or any of you") think about going through supervised (as in "in patient") detox before tackling this? If I could start off clean and leave the withdrawal demons in the past, I think I'd feel much more confident about taking the ball from there. Any advice really is appreciated.
As far as the pot goes, I can take it or leave it so if y'all think I should ditch the reefer too, that's easy. It's not that I need it and never have (and I have been smoking pot on a sporadic basis since I was 16). I just like getting high, that's all. Same way with the alcohol, same way with the Vikes. Problem with those two as opposed to weed is I am compelled to use them on a daily basis whereas I can give up smoking dope just like snapping my fingers. Guess I'm lucky in that regard.
So, my ultimate question for y'all is....should I go ahead with my plans to attempt to abstain from alcohol starting tomorrow (my quit date) or should I seek my doctor's advice first and perhaps get some help and guidance from him?
What do y'all (that's what we say in Texas to mean "all or any of you") think about going through supervised (as in "in patient") detox before tackling this? If I could start off clean and leave the withdrawal demons in the past, I think I'd feel much more confident about taking the ball from there. Any advice really is appreciated.
As far as the pot goes, I can take it or leave it so if y'all think I should ditch the reefer too, that's easy. It's not that I need it and never have (and I have been smoking pot on a sporadic basis since I was 16). I just like getting high, that's all. Same way with the alcohol, same way with the Vikes. Problem with those two as opposed to weed is I am compelled to use them on a daily basis whereas I can give up smoking dope just like snapping my fingers. Guess I'm lucky in that regard.
So, my ultimate question for y'all is....should I go ahead with my plans to attempt to abstain from alcohol starting tomorrow (my quit date) or should I seek my doctor's advice first and perhaps get some help and guidance from him?
Is it possible for you to call your Dr without an appointment?Maybe just mention your idea to him and if he has any concern wait until he can help? You could also visit an Urgent Care that is open 24 hours, so you don't have to wait until Monday to start.
As far as pot goes, I say stop it all. Even if you don't feel like you need it right now, you'll be amazed at what your brain tells you when you stop drinking! For example, I ate an entire bag of chocolate donuts the other day. Replacing one addiction with another is easier than you could imagine, be it pot, food, pills, even OTC stuff. Your mind and your emotions will definitely be playing hardball, so I would say just cut out anything that could be bad an addicting because you don't know how you'll feel in a few days and having that out could be the end of it for you!
Happy to have you hear! Definitely keep checking in and let us know how everything is going!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 709
Hi BlueAero, yes, I'd talk with your doctor about it before going cold turkey. It would be very uncomfortable, if not dangerous, to do so alone. He/she will at least be able to give you some meds to help with the withdrawal symptoms. I don't have personal experience with opiods, but when I went to rehab there were several young people (20s) who had co-current dependencies. I wouldn't mess around with that. Congrats on your commitment to living a healthier and better life! I don't miss the hangovers!!
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
I am in the minority around here in that I went cold turkey; I had a handle of vodka/2 days (or less) habit by the end. Maybe some additional drinks around that. I was just DONE.
I did have withdrawal and then PAWS. It wasn't fun. But I chose an uncertain amount and duration of "awfulness" over a certain death by alcoholism. During this time, I did see my drs for tests on everything (that was scary but it was time to own up and see what I had to deal with), and was fortunate not to have to work for about five weeks, which was the worst of my experience.
I personally don't believe in tapering, or setting future quit dates bc they can be something us alcoholics play games with. An inpatient detox for a couple of days isn't a bad idea- with meds like Ativan you can possibly have an easier time. [Sidenote here: everyone's experience with meds, etc is different; I take Ativan daily NOW (at almost 11 mo) for anxiety - I have a very high tolerance for benzos/pain/other meds.] What you do AFTER that is the critical part. Your body has to heal- and I clearly remember how scary it was to take the leap to sobriety. I am the type who just ACTS once my mind is made up, whatever the consequences of my plan (which now, thanks to sobriety, means that my "plans" are thought out, discussed with my sponsor and prayed upon).
Today's Friday....despite what any of us say (you mention multiple times that because we've said such-and-such it might be what you do), you alone have to make the decision about quitting, and how.
What are you going to do? Hope you do it today.
Good luck and hope to see you around here!
I did have withdrawal and then PAWS. It wasn't fun. But I chose an uncertain amount and duration of "awfulness" over a certain death by alcoholism. During this time, I did see my drs for tests on everything (that was scary but it was time to own up and see what I had to deal with), and was fortunate not to have to work for about five weeks, which was the worst of my experience.
I personally don't believe in tapering, or setting future quit dates bc they can be something us alcoholics play games with. An inpatient detox for a couple of days isn't a bad idea- with meds like Ativan you can possibly have an easier time. [Sidenote here: everyone's experience with meds, etc is different; I take Ativan daily NOW (at almost 11 mo) for anxiety - I have a very high tolerance for benzos/pain/other meds.] What you do AFTER that is the critical part. Your body has to heal- and I clearly remember how scary it was to take the leap to sobriety. I am the type who just ACTS once my mind is made up, whatever the consequences of my plan (which now, thanks to sobriety, means that my "plans" are thought out, discussed with my sponsor and prayed upon).
Today's Friday....despite what any of us say (you mention multiple times that because we've said such-and-such it might be what you do), you alone have to make the decision about quitting, and how.
What are you going to do? Hope you do it today.
Good luck and hope to see you around here!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
