bluedog97

I failed. I spent the last two days drinking. My frustration built up on Monday night and instead of telling on myself I caved and drank. Feeling ashamed. Ive got to start over and keep trying.

And Ive got to get it through my thick head that I can't drink, no matter what. That Im an alcoholic.

August252015

Glad you shared and to see you back.

What is your plan this time? Today sounds like a perfect time to go to an AA meeting, take care of yourself and not drink.

You can do it.

Maudcat

Breathe. Drink lots of fluids. You are likely dehydrated, which makes you feel cruddy, on top of being hungover.
There is a lesson here, as you have stated. You cannot drink.
How about you flip the script a little to: you will not drink.
Today.
Just focus on today. Stop beating yourself up and focus.
Others have done this. You can, too. Peace.

Bobbieka

Put the brakes on right now. Not after today or this one drink. Use this experience to grow and build up your arsenal. You can do this.

fgo

Glad you came back so fast.

site1Q84

Nice job coming right back! It doesn't feel good to have to admit we failed, but it makes a big difference.

What are you going to do differently this time to keep yourself sober? Do you have a plan? Especially for when those cravings hit - it's important to know what you're going to do, they sure can be rough!

DontRemember

This is so true! When I 'fell' two sundays ago (one night blackout mode), I had my butt firmly planted in my seat at AA the next morning, 'owning' my actions the night before. After the meeting some of the old timers said I didn't have to admit that I drank to anybody,but were glad I showed up and was honest. I figure what's the point in lying to people who are trying to help me.

ScottFromWI

Welcome back bluedog97. Looking back through the threads you've started here over the years I'd agree that you've got to do something different. Have you considered a formal sobriety plan of any kind? Outpatient Rehab, AA, AVRT, Counseling, Etc?

bluedog97

Thanks everyone. I poured out the remaining booze I had this morning. I have got to do something different. Im starting an IOP next week and continuing therapy. Im going to go to an AA meeting tonight. Most importantly I cant drink. Ive got to drill this in my head.

Bobbieka

Great job, bluedog97. You have a lot of people here in your corner.

Anna

I'm glad you're working on your plan, Bluedog. You can do this! It's a bit hard to explain, but when I truly believed I could no longer drink, ever, my thinking began to slowly shift to find healthy ways to get through things.

site1Q84

I think it was one of the most important moments for me. I spent so many years blaming alcohol for things and using it as my excuse, when I had to finally admit that I was responsible for myself and had to own up to drinking again, especially in AA and being face to face, it really changed things for me.

Delilah1

Hi Bluedog,

I'm glad you came back today. I would definitely spend some time thinking about what you can add to your toolbox.

I had many Day Ones as well, and I really needed to take alcohol off the table, no matter how difficult the situation/day was. I would go for a walk, go to yoga, or do something active when I had a really tough day. I would also get on here at post. Maybe a list of things you can do when you are feeling that way would help.

You know you can do this, find those needed tweaks.

❤️Delilah

tomls

I really love all the people on here! It's like we are all in a race together (the human race maybe). And one of us falls down. We all stop and help them up so we can all finish this thing together! Good luck Bluedog! don't drink today!

bluedog97

I think over all these years Ive tried giving up alcohol for good, Im not sure Ive ever really accepted I was an alcoholic. Ive always blamed my drinking on other things - like things from the past, or family issues, or career issues, etc. Ive always found excuses.

It scares me. The first step of AA is "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and our lives have become unmanageable". Well Ive proven to myself time and time again I have no control over my alcohol intake. I always end up drinking to get drunk. And my life is certainly unmanageable. I just need to accept this as my foundation moving forward.

Thanks again for all the replies and the warm welcome back.

BringingBackB

Great job coming straight back here bluedog, its not easy but it can only make you stronger. Your plan sounds good. All the best with the IOP

site1Q84

I never really followed all of AA, but I did/do go to meetings and reading the Big Book was pretty eye opening for me. There were so many little aspects of it that I never noticed and avoided when I found excuses to blame my drinking on. It definitely helped me accept I'm truly an alcoholic and the only way to get better is to stop drinking forever.

Dee74

Its hard bluedog - especially when some of the things we deal with seem so intractable and/or immense - but I had to sit myself down and ask 'drinking's never really solved any of my issues has it?'

Not once.

Everything was still there, or worse, when I sobered up.

If anything, drinking is running away from the problems.

I made a vow that, even if I didn't know what the solution was, drinking wasn't it and that I had to look elsewhere for resolution.

I gave years to drinking - it seemed only fair to give a reasonable amount of time to other approaches and possible coping strategies.

D

thomas11

Admitting we are an alcoholic is a huge step, acceptance allows us to have peace with that admission. My 2 cents.