Sober But Bad People Around
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Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 16
Originally Posted by Frickaflip233 
Hey Jaye
Welcome. I think I know what you're saying...bad friends are better than no friends? If you look at the words you've chosen in your post however I would say you know the answer. Its just frightening to face being alone, which I get. However if staying sober, recovering even, is the goal, contact with drinking friends (and more to the point, people you 'associate' drinking with) is a bad idea. If they are willing to meet for coffee, go for a walk, see a movie....support you with no booze, that's different. But I'm guessing that isn't the nature of the relationship or you probably wouldn't be asking.
Have you considered a support group for alcoholism? You can try to make new friends that have the same principles and values you do?
Its hard. But for me it survival.
Welcome. I think I know what you're saying...bad friends are better than no friends? If you look at the words you've chosen in your post however I would say you know the answer. Its just frightening to face being alone, which I get. However if staying sober, recovering even, is the goal, contact with drinking friends (and more to the point, people you 'associate' drinking with) is a bad idea. If they are willing to meet for coffee, go for a walk, see a movie....support you with no booze, that's different. But I'm guessing that isn't the nature of the relationship or you probably wouldn't be asking.
Have you considered a support group for alcoholism? You can try to make new friends that have the same principles and values you do?
Its hard. But for me it survival.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
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Originally Posted by jaye1313
Friends and family as well. I'm to married and my family is littered with active addicts. My friends are users and are just on a different trajectory.
Still, I'm finding this lonely and difficult. I do think that sobriety is my job and change to make rather than theirs. It seems unrealistic to edit the my world down to only sober people.
Still, I'm finding this lonely and difficult. I do think that sobriety is my job and change to make rather than theirs. It seems unrealistic to edit the my world down to only sober people.
Who do you actually HAVE to spend time with right now? Your wife, obviously. Stop and think for a second about any other family members or friends you truly, honestly, MUST see.
I ask this because when I stopped drinking, my world was VERY small. As in, just my parents, for probably the first few weeks. Not drinking and healing my body- I was given about a year, 18 mo to live if I didn't stop (happy to share that story to you directly, rather than take up space again here). I very slowly added people and activities back into my daily life. Back to my ruthless comment- only good people.
We all have responsibilities (jobs, kids, dogs, whatever) so some practicality has to come into the early days of not drinking, when it is hardest, and beyond as we get into a new type of life. Yet I truly believe that we can- and should- choose what we do as much as possible. We don't have to spend time with friends- go to a meeting, stay home and read, go to bed early- and we don't have to ADD things to do or places to go beyond the truly necessary.
This might well include a change in thinking that seems and feels very foreign- and even unnecessary- but if we are talking about our lives (I was and am) then what's worth putting ourselves in situations or with people who don't want us to live and be healthy?
This is the part where things like "forget about "them" and focus on you" come into play.
You CAN do it.
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