Jillwink

Casper, I am so sorry your husband drank. I hope it was just a one time slip.
Whisky, I am also sorry your wife is drinking. I know some can be ok with their spouse drinking while they are not. I am not one of those either.
Thankfully, my husband and I are both not drinking and are very committed to this. Neither of us have any desire whatsoever to drink. We have had several talks about how we can't believe how bad we had gotten, and are so thankful for our sobriety.
I wish you all well.

Mklove

It would make sense to think temptations would abound if the partner drank a lot, didn't affect me at all. I quit, he understood and kept drinking, not as much as before but still daily. It was my health that determined my date so the choice was taken from me I guess.

cusper

whiskey, does she drink a lot? like every night? or is she just a casual drinker?

WhiskeyBent

She used to be a nightly drinker.....like me, but she has curbed it to Fri - Sun. Which is a help but those are the days i would like to join the party as well. There is lots of wine sitting on the counter right now. Im not going to ask her to stop, but it isnt easy to watch. She is at the bar tonight and she will feel like crap tomorrow. Still, I would like to be there with her.

cusper

Yeah weekends are definitely tough. I remember when I thought a weekend was lame if I hadn't gotten really drunk! How sick is that? really?!! I saw that as getting old and boring. I guess it's from growing up with drunks my whole life that there had never been a weekend that my parents didn't get plastered. and i mean falling down, black out drunk. I think i equated that with normal. Well on the bright side cutting it down to weekends is a start. Have you told her that it gets to you? My problem before was that I never told my husband a thing. I didn't think it was fair since I didn't consider him having a big a problem as I did. But once I hit my 6 month mark was when I started to talk about it. I felt like I didn't have the right to say anything until I had an adequate amount of sobriety under my belt. Plus I didn't know how drunk he was getting when I was a drunk.

resolute50

Just like misery loves company,so does feeling good.
Great news!

WhiskeyBent

I just dont want to get to self righteous right off the bat. I can see the drunk mistakes when she makes them. Hell I was the king of those mistakes. So they are easy to spot. But im not much of a partner if im picking at them.

On the other hand, it is a little annoying listen to mumbling drunk people. But ive lived it. Not sure if there is an easy answer.

cusper

yeah i feel the same way. I don't really think telling him what to do is right. I have a lot of friends tell their husbands what they can't do and that blows up in their face eventually. I think if someone has a problem it is up to them to quit. However my husband, though he make drink quite a bit, I just didn't see him as an alcoholic the way I was. I don't think he has the genetic component like I do. And yes he does get hammered some of the times. He can always stop. Where as I could stop some of the time with some discipline, more likely I would have too much. When he drinks I feel like I want to move to the other side of the house and wait till he goes to bed because the conversation is no longer a conversation it's just like he's talking at me.

WhiskeyBent

Drinking couples are complicated. The amount of money we have pissed away is crazy. Summer time is a complete gong show. Ten AM to Ten PM, its on. Vacations, full blast. There is definitely an enabling component.