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hi insanity... its me again!

Old 01-08-2017, 05:11 PM
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hi insanity... its me again!

Welp for some odd reason after my husband left for work yesterday, I thought it was a good idea to go out drinkin with the neighbor. Now my husbands leaving me BC when he was being mean to me on the phone I stopped taking his calls and spent the night at a friends. Hes a loose canon tbh so its actually better I didn't come back to it would've gotten ugly since I was so drunk. Anyway, I was doing really well before this episode. Things were going pretty well in my life and well obviously I couldn't allow that to happen so I had to go and eff it all up. I am so damned fed up of myself and so embarrassed and ashamed. Honestly I don't even know why I writing this. I just... Needed to tell someone who could understand I guess.
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Old 01-08-2017, 05:21 PM
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Once you sober up, take a trip to your local AA meeting.
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Old 01-08-2017, 05:29 PM
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I'm sorry for what's happening in your relationship. The main thing is to stop drinking and clear your head and then you will be better able to manage things.
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Old 01-08-2017, 05:35 PM
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I hope this time you can stay sober for good.
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Old 01-08-2017, 05:40 PM
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Thank u. I know what ur saying is so true. Some things I've realized lately is that I have no coping skills in life. I turn to the drink for every occasion /feeling. Happy or sad. I wonder if this is common with other alcoholics? I am a binge drinker so i usually have a semi-normal life then the Av starts and bamm its like a mac truck hit me. Absolutely no control. Also recently i have been having alot of pain the the galbladder/kidney/liver and its giving me alot of anxiety. Yet I continue to drink.
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Old 01-08-2017, 05:49 PM
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My experience is when I start drinking I don't stop. If I can stop I can do ok, but can't do it again or it starts all over.. Riding a Merry-Go-Round. I want off the ride. Don't you?
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Old 01-08-2017, 05:52 PM
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Originally Posted by winniegirl33 View Post
I thought it was a good idea

thinking is my problem

everytime i do something wrong it starts with a thought

thankfully aa gives me tools

like calling my sponsor

or

praying for those i resent ... even when i dont really mean it

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Old 01-08-2017, 05:57 PM
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The pain you feel is likely a warning, I'm hoping you are really considering staying here, attending meetings or whatever it takes to get sober. Everything else will then fall into place.
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Old 01-08-2017, 06:11 PM
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Doesn't this suck? I'm back here as well and thought you may wish to console with one who is experiencing this too. Some responders will add things like "get back to an AA meeting", so on and so forth, but I'm thinking that's not what you (or I) need to hear right now.

After losing my job over the holiday season, I've bounced in and out of this binge. Was doing well, even posted about how well things seemed to be going as 2016 was winding down. I'm my own saboteur, how and why did I wreck this? So many triggers, with the election, healthcare on the verge of being eliminated, or at least changing dramatically.

One thing that seems to help is getting online and doing some research. Knowledge and feedback help.

Haven't even visited this site in a while cause things were going so well. Should never have quit visiting this site.

I don't know if you are like me, I know myself pretty well, and the general trend for me is to "cycle through" these benders until either the money runs out or I "arrest myself".

One phrase from one of my favorite all time movies, is where Omar Shariff's character keeps telling Colonel Lawrence to "eat, sleep", repeatedly until he's able to recuperate. This does work, but preventing the next "episode" is terrifying.

I don't know if I'm helping you with my diatribe, but it does provide a little comfort trying to reach out - even if this seems a little demented.

Hang in there, and I will!
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Old 01-08-2017, 06:29 PM
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Thank u very much. Yes that has helped tremendously. Thank u all this site and the wonderful ppl are amazing in the way u all try and help. I am just laying here with my children feeling so ashamed that I would be such a train wreck yesterday. Today I am sick. So damn sick. But tomorrow, I will be a happy loving fun caring person. One, who has alot of friends and has a beautiful clean house. And nobody will know the pain I carry with me. ☹
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Old 01-08-2017, 06:42 PM
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It took me a couple times. But, I got it right and stayed with it.
And you can too.
I know how it felt to be led by that unseen force that is alcoholism.
I needed to break free from it or it would have killed me.
You will need to change your lifestyle. Friends that don't understand will unknowingly lead you to destruction. Those friends I had to avoid.
Don't lose precious time with your children.
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Old 01-09-2017, 01:07 AM
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Originally Posted by winniegirl33 View Post
Thank u. I know what ur saying is so true. Some things I've realized lately is that I have no coping skills in life. I turn to the drink for every occasion /feeling. Happy or sad. I wonder if this is common with other alcoholics? I am a binge drinker so i usually have a semi-normal life then the Av starts and bamm its like a mac truck hit me. Absolutely no control. Also recently i have been having alot of pain the the galbladder/kidney/liver and its giving me alot of anxiety. Yet I continue to drink.
What have you been doing for your recovery?
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Old 01-09-2017, 02:34 AM
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I think many of us have made daft decisions like that Winniegirl (I'm just starting again after insanely turning my back on 4 years sobriety, when 'just a few beers or evening' turned into the best part of a year's drinking). You're not alone here!

But maybe it's time to try something different?

The good news is that today could be the start of a completely sober life, a special day :-)

Keep talking to us here.
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Old 01-09-2017, 02:41 PM
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How are you feeling now Winnie?

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Old 01-09-2017, 02:41 PM
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How are you feeling now Winnie?

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Old 01-09-2017, 02:46 PM
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Originally Posted by winniegirl33 View Post
. I turn to the drink for every occasion /feeling. Happy or sad. I wonder if this is common with other alcoholics?
It was common with me, if that helps! It didn't matter if I was devastated or celebrating, drinking was definitely the way to do it.

I'm back again after over a year solid and then the better part of 8 months sober.

Do you have a plan? I knew it was important and now I know just how important sticking with it can be! I tried some AA meetings and made some great friends, but mostly this site was what got and kept me sober. Even little things, like the monthly class threads and the daily gratitude threads helped tremendously.

If you haven't already I hope you'll join us in the Jan 2017 class thread!
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