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thinking about quitting AA after a relapse

Old 01-08-2017, 02:03 PM
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I am sorry, that I did not see you were going for treatment for depression.

I think this is a good step. Depression is insidious because it warps thinking. Good cognitive therapy is really helpful for recognizing when your perceptions are trustworthy and when they are not.

Depressed people hear the worst possible message anywhere they go. The feelings of hopelessness, friendliness, and emptiness get reinforced even though they are not true. That is why it is so good that you are seeking help here and with professionals. Depression often prevents people from even trying to get better.
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Old 01-08-2017, 05:57 PM
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i went to a meeting earlier and identified as a newcomer again...

This is the only time I've ever been truly suicidal. I'm not telling anyone except you guys. I cannot worry anyone any more than I already have.

I can't do this. I can't rebuild. It's too hard. I don't want to use but I definitely do not want to be on this earth a minute longer.

Don't do what I did. If you're thinking about it, don't. It's still not fun.
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Old 01-08-2017, 06:03 PM
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Originally Posted by Deereynolds View Post
I can't do this. I can't rebuild. It's too hard. I don't want to use but I definitely do not want to be on this earth a minute longer.
I would hold off until you see the psychiatrist. They can probably help with that depression. As far as rebuilding, what are you talking about?

Did something change in the last two weeks besides getting high?
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Old 01-08-2017, 06:11 PM
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Deereynolds - if you need help please consider calling one of these crisis numbers:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html

I know how desperate it can feel when you don't want to get high but don't want to live either. It's a very lonely place - but it is not the end.

I was there 25 years ago - and even with its ups and downs and continuing addictions I am glad now to have a further 25 years to my credit, and coming up to ten years in recovery.

Please don't lose heart - there is life after addiction - a good life - and there is always hope...always

D
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Old 01-08-2017, 06:32 PM
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Deer, don't give up hope. You were sober before, you can do it again. I didn't jell with AA either for the same reason you take issue. There are other programs out there, find one that resonates with you. Feeling empowered works better for me than feeling like if I take another sip of alcohol ever again, I'll die. Your psychiatrist will help you with the depression. There is help and hope out there.
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Old 01-08-2017, 06:35 PM
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Please call a crisis number.

I know I had the same thoughts, but I am so glad I did not act on them.

Things change. They really change. What you are experiencing now is not going to be your whole life.
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Old 01-08-2017, 07:06 PM
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Deereynolds--

I see you've only posted 7 times since you joined.

Keep posting! Keep reading!

You CAN get through this!
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Old 01-08-2017, 08:45 PM
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DeeReynolds. Please call a hotline or go to the hospital. You WILL get better, let a Dr. help you. Many many people here have felt as you do and come out the other side. Can you keep posting?
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Old 01-08-2017, 09:10 PM
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"Hello I am posting here because I have two years and two months sober but lately I have been questioning if I really want to be sober. I'm an IV meth and heroin addict who is 21 years old."

I am an alcoholic who got sober when I was 22. I am wondering if AA is even the right place for you? I would have no clue as to how to help you. I have absolutely no idea of what it is like to travel the road you have been travelling.

I can give my opinion, which really echoes the advice of miamifella, but I have no actual experience of any value to you.
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Old 01-08-2017, 09:17 PM
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"Hello I am posting here because I have two years and two months sober but lately I have been questioning if I really want to be sober. I'm an IV meth and heroin addict who is 21 years old."

I am an alcoholic who got sober when I was 22. I am wondering if AA is even the right place for you? I would have no clue as to how to help you. I have absolutely no idea of what it is like to travel the road you have been travelling.

I can give my opinion, which really echoes the advice of miamifella, but I have no actual experience of any value to you.
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Old 01-08-2017, 09:30 PM
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Originally Posted by Deereynolds View Post
i went to a meeting earlier and identified as a newcomer again...

This is the only time I've ever been truly suicidal. I'm not telling anyone except you guys. I cannot worry anyone any more than I already have.

I can't do this. I can't rebuild. It's too hard. I don't want to use but I definitely do not want to be on this earth a minute longer.

Don't do what I did. If you're thinking about it, don't. It's still not fun.
What's the hurry? What's the downside with checking in right now with an Emergency Room? Seeing a doctor? They can and will help you. Don't fall for that something inside your head that tells you there's a rush down a one way trail, a once in a lifetime trail! There are ways in which your faith in life, faith in yourself can be restored. I'm sure that those you talk to will be sympathetic and will help you feel better about yourself and your future. Give it a chance! Give us a chance! Give yourself a chance! Keep posting! We are here for you 24/7.

Bill.
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Old 01-09-2017, 02:45 PM
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Deereynolds - please check in when you can and give us an update?

D
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Old 01-09-2017, 02:45 PM
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Deereynolds - please check in when you can and give us an update?

D
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Old 01-15-2017, 01:42 PM
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How is it going, Deereynolds? I saw that you are logged in today.
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Old 01-15-2017, 01:58 PM
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To answer your question directly I was sober just short of a year while going to AA. Stopped going because I believed that my atheism and AA principles were at odds. Stayed sober a few weeks...and then off again for almost two years.

I'm back at AA now, have found agnostic/atheist on-line resources, and relying on AA for face to face and peer support.

I put my return to drinking down to stopping meetings.
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