Social Anxiety Freaking Sucks
 

I figured after 3 months sober I might actually have made some progress with my anxiety and opening up to people in general. Well today, I was called on to speak at a meeting. It was one where you have to go up and talk in front of a podium. I walked up to the podium and got about one sentence out before I legit panicked. My mind went blank and I had to do the walk of shame back to my seat because I couldn't come up with anything to say.

When I got back to my seat I was shaking and sweating. I have been going to a lot of meetings and have never seen anyone do that. It sucks because I have seen so many people come into the meetings, with less clean time than me, make friends, social contacts, and just be generally at ease with themselves. It seems I am incapable of this no matter how hard I try. I try going to meetings early and talking to people, but usually I get discouraged and end up sitting by myself waiting for the meeting to start. When I do talk to people, unless the other person is completely carrying the conversation, I can't think of how to keep the conversation going, and just end up evacuating. I can't even open up to my family or even my therapist. I feel like I am completely ****** and will never get through this.

were you anxious in the years before you started drinking DNM?

D

Yes. I pretty much have always been an anxious mess.

yeh - it's probably worth considering some professional help?

I went to a psychologist and while I never kept it up it got me started in dealing with things.

Breathing exercises help me:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...techniqes.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...echniques.html

Going onto a podium to speak? Really? Well, I've never seen that at a meeting. Are you talking AA here? Or an diffrent kind of meeting?

In all the different AA meetings I've ever been to, nobody has to talk if they don't want. You can just say 'pass'. Unless you've agreed to be the main share of course, but that would be pre-arranged and would happen later into sobriety. Could you just say 'pass' next time?

Are there some different meetings locally that you could use instead of the podium one.

Wishing you all the best for your recovery. BB

I have always been shy around people, not knowing how to start conversations or what to even talk about, and if you put me in front of people to speak I would run a mile, my lip would quiver I would feel sick etc..its hard but you can overcome it. I learnt to be brave, not to worry and I watched how other people (more social people) interacted with each other and learnt from them.. Talk about anything, people will be receptive and if they aren't then it doesn't matter. I never thought people would like me or be receptive to me so I shied away from putting myself out there, I wish I hadn't 'wasted' my years with this thought cause I was so wrong...

Believe that you are worthy and you will find a way to open up....

Yes, I can relate to social anxiety, especially at AA meetings. There are a lot of factors behind this. For one, this early on in sobriety, Im unable to really put coherent sentences together, so Im afraid if I share I sound stupid. Another thing, is deep down, I want to keep people at a distance. I feel if they got to know me or found out about me they'd ditch me. And lastly, I have a hard time opening up and being honest about my drinking (although I have no problems doing it on SR, thankfully). These are all things I would like to get over. Thanks for your post.

Heck yes. I rarely speak at meetings and pass if I'm 'called on'. I've only seen podiums at pre-set speaker meetings were the speaker knows well in advance that they are the 'featured' act so to speak :). I'd pass on the podium thingy.

Like Berry said, try another meeting. And maybe if you have a service position....something like setting up coffee, or clean up. That way you are doing rather than speaking. Might make it easier.

But most off try not to stress about it. That is a viscous cycle that just makes things worse. You aren't responsible for carrying any conversation or making anything happen. Just be you and work on accepting that.

No one is judging you. Do not be concerned. Anxiety is normal for quite a while. You're ok.

You are not strange or alone in this. Many fantastically gifted people struggle with fear of speaking or performing in front of others. Many also have a difficult time making small talk too. I personally would not want to go to an AA meeting and stand at a podium - ugh, too formal.

me too

not everyone in aa needs to be a content adder

i am of service to the fellowship in other ways

:tyou

I believe i read somewhere that people put public speaking ahead of death in the: What do you fear the most? Question.
Nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone feels the same way. Id say it is a very small % of society who actually rnjoys public speaking.

Me too DNM! Meditation does help me, deep breathing and emergency benzos now and then. Speaking in front of a group now that's a different story. I have to give presentations at work to my peers and am a complete disaster before, no sleeping, etc. I think I look a goof but then am told good job. We are so hard on ourselves, us anxious ones! I see no need that you must speak at a AA meeting?