4 years sober then 1 year drinking :-(
Recovering
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,361
4 years sober then 1 year drinking :-(
I'm back. And though it's always lovely to talk to such a great group of supportive people, I kinda wish I did not need to be back.
I had nearly four years sober, and then was tempted to have 'an evening of a few beers'. That 'evening' has lasted the best part of a year. I've wasted money, time, and energy - giving up something so good and precious for the sake of beer and alcohol. So I'm feeling humbled with somewhat of a sense of failure, but also I see a glimpse of new light again. I'm 8 days in to sobriety again. I hate these early days and weeks but know they will pass.
I really appreciate this place. I just wish I had come here when I needed to last year. Perhaps I knew what I would hear and wanted to pretend things were different. This time I'll stay close to help.
I did come back as 'emjay2017' a few days ago. I think I was a bit ashamed to come back as me, but I realise now that was unnecessary and a bit daft.
I have a stinking cold as well. I promise not to drink today, but I can't promise not to be grumpy!
It sort of is lovely to see such a great crowd again though. SR is a very special place.
Michael (aka emjay 2017)
I had nearly four years sober, and then was tempted to have 'an evening of a few beers'. That 'evening' has lasted the best part of a year. I've wasted money, time, and energy - giving up something so good and precious for the sake of beer and alcohol. So I'm feeling humbled with somewhat of a sense of failure, but also I see a glimpse of new light again. I'm 8 days in to sobriety again. I hate these early days and weeks but know they will pass.
I really appreciate this place. I just wish I had come here when I needed to last year. Perhaps I knew what I would hear and wanted to pretend things were different. This time I'll stay close to help.
I did come back as 'emjay2017' a few days ago. I think I was a bit ashamed to come back as me, but I realise now that was unnecessary and a bit daft.
I have a stinking cold as well. I promise not to drink today, but I can't promise not to be grumpy!
It sort of is lovely to see such a great crowd again though. SR is a very special place.
Michael (aka emjay 2017)
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Hi Michael. I remember you very well from our May 2012 class. I'm SO pleased you made it back.
I too drank after a few years of sobriety, and it has been a lot of hard work to get back on the right track.
There is hope after relapse...on 1st Feb, I will be a year sober again. This time it's for keeps. I won't ever let alcohol win another battle. It's gone for good.
Chin up, one foot in front of the other...you can do this...❤️ Xx
I too drank after a few years of sobriety, and it has been a lot of hard work to get back on the right track.
There is hope after relapse...on 1st Feb, I will be a year sober again. This time it's for keeps. I won't ever let alcohol win another battle. It's gone for good.
Chin up, one foot in front of the other...you can do this...❤️ Xx
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Hi, Michael (AKA Emjay)!
Sorry about drinking but great that you came here to get help.
You are right - SR is a special place, one of a kind.
Stay close!
By the way, maybe you can choose Emjay as your superpower character, someone who will take the sword and cut AV's ugly head. Just saying)
Get well soon.
Sorry about drinking but great that you came here to get help.
You are right - SR is a special place, one of a kind.
Stay close!
By the way, maybe you can choose Emjay as your superpower character, someone who will take the sword and cut AV's ugly head. Just saying)
Get well soon.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
Many take longer time than you to return
and many never return, so I'm glad you
did make it back to begin building a strong,
solid recovery foundation to live upon for
many days sober down the road.
and many never return, so I'm glad you
did make it back to begin building a strong,
solid recovery foundation to live upon for
many days sober down the road.
Recovering
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,361
Thank you all! And it's fantastic to find you here and sober Jeni. I well remember you too. I shall do my best to follow in your footsteps of getting back in to long term sobriety again (and staying there!). I feel hopeful, but I still find this early stage horrible.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Originally Posted by Michael66 
Thank you all! And it's fantastic to find you here and sober Jeni. I well remember you too. I shall do my best to follow in your footsteps of getting back in to long term sobriety again (and staying there!). I feel hopeful, but I still find this early stage horrible.
I hope this time you can get sober for good. 
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 76
I also drank after 2+ years of sobriety. It also lasted for about a year.... then i quit again 6 months ago. All i can say is that after the first two months i felt far more peace. Now at almost 6 months its like " oh yeah this is why i stayed sober for years". It has been easier due to my past lessons learned in sobriety and relapse. You got this!!!!
Jess
Jess
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 1,095
Over the last 27 years the only time I was sober was for 4 months in 2013 (117 days to be exact). I went back to drinking for such stupid reasons - it happens.
Today I am 75 days sober.
We must look to the future because we can't change the past.
Today I am 75 days sober.
We must look to the future because we can't change the past.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Welcome back Michael, I admire your courage and truthfulness. I also admire your 4 years of sobriety, I wish to attain that (in 3 more years). I'm pretty sure you know the drill in the early days, I support your efforts.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 701
In a way, I'm grateful for my last relapse as doing so sent the message that, glorious as not drinking was, I wasn't doing it right. After a week or so there was no suffering, everything was wonderful. I was wonderful. So wonderful I KNEW I could drink again!
It was all about ME (meaning no true spiritual/emotional growth).
I was still stuck in the ME ME ME obsession that lead to the drinking in the first place.
This time I am actively engaged in total and complete surrender to God.
Seeking HIS will, not mine.
I'm suffering, seeing the errors of my ways, and that tells me I am actively engaged in personal growth, the RESULT of which will be not drinking.
I'm beginning to see that focusing solely on not drinking while failing to pursue personal growth keeps drinking as a possibility, whereas focusing on personal growth makes drinking an ignorant impossibility.
It was all about ME (meaning no true spiritual/emotional growth).
I was still stuck in the ME ME ME obsession that lead to the drinking in the first place.
This time I am actively engaged in total and complete surrender to God.
Seeking HIS will, not mine.
I'm suffering, seeing the errors of my ways, and that tells me I am actively engaged in personal growth, the RESULT of which will be not drinking.
I'm beginning to see that focusing solely on not drinking while failing to pursue personal growth keeps drinking as a possibility, whereas focusing on personal growth makes drinking an ignorant impossibility.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,872
Originally Posted by Michael66
I'm back. And though it's always lovely to talk to such a great group of supportive people, I kinda wish I did not need to be back.
I had nearly four years sober, and then was tempted to have 'an evening of a few beers'. That 'evening' has lasted the best part of a year. I've wasted money, time, and energy - giving up something so good and precious for the sake of beer and alcohol. So I'm feeling humbled with somewhat of a sense of failure, but also I see a glimpse of new light again. I'm 8 days in to sobriety again. I hate these early days and weeks but know they will pass.
I really appreciate this place. I just wish I had come here when I needed to last year. Perhaps I knew what I would hear and wanted to pretend things were different. This time I'll stay close to help.
I did come back as 'emjay2017' a few days ago. I think I was a bit ashamed to come back as me, but I realise now that was unnecessary and a bit daft.
I have a stinking cold as well. I promise not to drink today, but I can't promise not to be grumpy!
It sort of is lovely to see such a great crowd again though. SR is a very special place.
Michael (aka emjay 2017)
I had nearly four years sober, and then was tempted to have 'an evening of a few beers'. That 'evening' has lasted the best part of a year. I've wasted money, time, and energy - giving up something so good and precious for the sake of beer and alcohol. So I'm feeling humbled with somewhat of a sense of failure, but also I see a glimpse of new light again. I'm 8 days in to sobriety again. I hate these early days and weeks but know they will pass.
I really appreciate this place. I just wish I had come here when I needed to last year. Perhaps I knew what I would hear and wanted to pretend things were different. This time I'll stay close to help.
I did come back as 'emjay2017' a few days ago. I think I was a bit ashamed to come back as me, but I realise now that was unnecessary and a bit daft.
I have a stinking cold as well. I promise not to drink today, but I can't promise not to be grumpy!
It sort of is lovely to see such a great crowd again though. SR is a very special place.
Michael (aka emjay 2017)
I can only imagine how painful this relapse must be for you; it is every alcoholics nightmare. It is not uncommon, I think, to reach a level of 'complacency' in our disease where we believe that we can take a few drinks and quickly put them down again. I believe that we need to come to an awareness and firm acceptance that, for us, moderation at any level or for any period of time quite simply does not work for us.
You have achieved long-time sobriety and can absolutely achieve lasting sobriety and recovery again.
There is a great SR thread which I will link for you in a moment.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,872
As promised:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...highlight=psst
You may also want to stop by the 24 Hour Recovery Connection thread for a quick sobriety commitment each day:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-196-a.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...highlight=psst
You may also want to stop by the 24 Hour Recovery Connection thread for a quick sobriety commitment each day:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-196-a.html
waking down
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 4,641
Thanks, Michael, and good that you're getting back on track. Posts like yours, and threads like this are excellent reminders to those in recovery that as much as our minds want to tell us we can have a few beers and become moderate drinkers after facing addiction for a few months or years, it's just not possible for most of us. We're wired to be buzzhounds, so our only viable option is to learn to live fully and without the buzz. The dopamine reward system is a tenacious beast.
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