Luckier Than Most I Think
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Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 120
Luckier Than Most I Think
Reading here about people who are alone or with a drinking partner and struggling helps me with my gratitude. My husband does not drink....ever.
He was less than a social drinker when we started dating. He was kind of a "if you can't beat em, join em" kind of drinker. The last time he drank was on his birthday 2014. We went with friends to a Mexican restaurant where we had margaritas and he got a free tequila shot for his birthday. We were all pretty buzzed and he had to work the next day. He felt awful. When he came home from work that day he announced he was not drinking anymore ever. He quit. He said he did not want it and just did not need it. I thought, "who actually does that?" True to his word, he has not touched a single drop in two years.
We were visiting family a couple of months ago out of state when he considered having a beer as I was chugging wine to get through the trip. He considered it, weighed it, and decided not to. Now that I know about the AV, I can look back and see the beast rearing its ugly head that night even in someone who was never a big drinker. My husband has this mastered.
It is nice not having to worry about him bringing home anything or my feeling pressure. I have not really left the house since coming home from Florida except going to the gym. I was invited to a party tonight that my husband is not invited to(girls only) where there will be plenty of boozing. I think I may just stay home where it is safe. My friend is someone I recently reconnected with and has no idea I was addicted to alcohol. I am not sure she would even believe it. I am just not feeling very social these days either. I do not want to isolate, but I just do not feel ready for that exposure either. I am hoping this is normal.
He was less than a social drinker when we started dating. He was kind of a "if you can't beat em, join em" kind of drinker. The last time he drank was on his birthday 2014. We went with friends to a Mexican restaurant where we had margaritas and he got a free tequila shot for his birthday. We were all pretty buzzed and he had to work the next day. He felt awful. When he came home from work that day he announced he was not drinking anymore ever. He quit. He said he did not want it and just did not need it. I thought, "who actually does that?" True to his word, he has not touched a single drop in two years.
We were visiting family a couple of months ago out of state when he considered having a beer as I was chugging wine to get through the trip. He considered it, weighed it, and decided not to. Now that I know about the AV, I can look back and see the beast rearing its ugly head that night even in someone who was never a big drinker. My husband has this mastered.
It is nice not having to worry about him bringing home anything or my feeling pressure. I have not really left the house since coming home from Florida except going to the gym. I was invited to a party tonight that my husband is not invited to(girls only) where there will be plenty of boozing. I think I may just stay home where it is safe. My friend is someone I recently reconnected with and has no idea I was addicted to alcohol. I am not sure she would even believe it. I am just not feeling very social these days either. I do not want to isolate, but I just do not feel ready for that exposure either. I am hoping this is normal.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 782
Probably a good call not to go to the party. No need to needlessly tempt yourself. I wish I was like your husband.
I also wish my wife would not drink. It makes it tough on me. She just does not know what I am going through, and just how hard it is to give it all up.
In any event, how long have you been alcohol-free?
I also wish my wife would not drink. It makes it tough on me. She just does not know what I am going through, and just how hard it is to give it all up.
In any event, how long have you been alcohol-free?
Brother of the Wolf
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Walking With Giants
Posts: 436
My wife is one of those strange people who can order a glass of wine at dinner, and not finish it. If she opens a bottle of wine at the house, it goes bad before she can finish it. And in my early sobriety, she had absolutely no problem completely refraining from drinking. Even now, she asks if I mind if she has a drink when we are out. I feel very fortunate to have her support in this journey of recovery.
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Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 120
Originally Posted by Horn95 
Probably a good call not to go to the party. No need to needlessly tempt yourself. I wish I was like your husband.
I also wish my wife would not drink. It makes it tough on me. She just does not know what I am going through, and just how hard it is to give it all up.
In any event, how long have you been alcohol-free?
I also wish my wife would not drink. It makes it tough on me. She just does not know what I am going through, and just how hard it is to give it all up.
In any event, how long have you been alcohol-free?
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Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 120
Originally Posted by SweatyHands
My wife is one of those strange people who can order a glass of wine at dinner, and not finish it. If she opens a bottle of wine at the house, it goes bad before she can finish it. And in my early sobriety, she had absolutely no problem completely refraining from drinking. Even now, she asks if I mind if she has a drink when we are out. I feel very fortunate to have her support in this journey of recovery.
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Oregon
Posts: 234
That is lucky
That is indeed lucky Ustacallmelola! I can imagine spouses and partners instead saying "Oh you don't need to have one just because I am" or whatever. I can imagine someone who can stop after one drink being totally confused by someone who has one, and then just can't stop. I'm confused by it and I AM the person who can't stop after just one.
My situation is somewhere in between. My husband, great guy, does not drink as much as I did, but he still thinks he needs to cut down. I agree, but I know I can't "make" him do this any more than he could have "made me" do what I decided to do.
A few days ago I had a post about how hard it was being at the store with him when he decided to buy beer, but it didn't put me over the edge to buy wine. That was a real victory for me. But we did have a talk the next day, and he suggested that he not drink at all during the work week. And he didn't. This morning he said he was glad to have done that, and said he will continue not to have beer during the work week. I appreciate that! I would have gone on my own path anyway, but wow did it ever make it easier.
Now we come into the first weekend of the year. He will not buy beer for this (Friday) evening, but we decided we would talk about the weekend (for him, not me. I won't drink this weekend regardless). But I know it will be that much harder if he decides to drink on the weekend.
So it goes. It just reminds how hard it is on both people in a relationship.
PS: One lucky thing for me: I really do not like beer at all and have never been tempted to have any, even when I ran out of wine. So at least I don't have that temptation.
My situation is somewhere in between. My husband, great guy, does not drink as much as I did, but he still thinks he needs to cut down. I agree, but I know I can't "make" him do this any more than he could have "made me" do what I decided to do.
A few days ago I had a post about how hard it was being at the store with him when he decided to buy beer, but it didn't put me over the edge to buy wine. That was a real victory for me. But we did have a talk the next day, and he suggested that he not drink at all during the work week. And he didn't. This morning he said he was glad to have done that, and said he will continue not to have beer during the work week. I appreciate that! I would have gone on my own path anyway, but wow did it ever make it easier.
Now we come into the first weekend of the year. He will not buy beer for this (Friday) evening, but we decided we would talk about the weekend (for him, not me. I won't drink this weekend regardless). But I know it will be that much harder if he decides to drink on the weekend.
So it goes. It just reminds how hard it is on both people in a relationship.
PS: One lucky thing for me: I really do not like beer at all and have never been tempted to have any, even when I ran out of wine. So at least I don't have that temptation.
Last edited by Grateful09; 01-06-2017 at 11:55 AM. Reason: Adding something
under new management
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 2,339
I am just not feeling very social these days either. I do not want to isolate, but I just do not feel ready for that exposure either. I am hoping this is normal.
Perfectly normal to hold off on socialising so early in your sobriety. Not just normal, but also recommended. We need time to build up our "sober muscles"!
Perfectly normal to hold off on socialising so early in your sobriety. Not just normal, but also recommended. We need time to build up our "sober muscles"!
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
^^^Agreed!
I am 318 days sober. I was very (VERY) sick when I quit (of the yr, 18mo to live if I didn't quit variety) and spent the first five or so weeks in my parents' company or my own, along with dr visits. As I got stronger, and saw some shifts somewhere in the 80-100 day range (100ish was turning point for me in a lot of ways) I started reaching out to friends and making plans. I still prefer to do one on one or small groups. I am very happy with that type of life; my boyfriend is also in recovery and when we started dating in July (I was almost 5 mo sober and he just past a month - our story is pretty unusual), we easily developed a healthy routine of how we spend our time, staying in or going out. Alcohol isn't an issue and I know that's a blessing.
You are just getting started and sound like you already recognize and appreciate some things that can be great tools for your continued sobriety! Good luck and keep going!
I am 318 days sober. I was very (VERY) sick when I quit (of the yr, 18mo to live if I didn't quit variety) and spent the first five or so weeks in my parents' company or my own, along with dr visits. As I got stronger, and saw some shifts somewhere in the 80-100 day range (100ish was turning point for me in a lot of ways) I started reaching out to friends and making plans. I still prefer to do one on one or small groups. I am very happy with that type of life; my boyfriend is also in recovery and when we started dating in July (I was almost 5 mo sober and he just past a month - our story is pretty unusual), we easily developed a healthy routine of how we spend our time, staying in or going out. Alcohol isn't an issue and I know that's a blessing.
You are just getting started and sound like you already recognize and appreciate some things that can be great tools for your continued sobriety! Good luck and keep going!
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