4MyMel

Hi All! Been here a while and struggling the whole time. I obviously have a problem with alcohol and I am no longer in denial about it. Three years ago, I was pregnant with my daughter and didn't drink for 11 months. Thinking that I was "recovered" I picked it up again and ended up in the same place where I left off in mere weeks.

I am now pregnant again. It has been almost 4 months since my last drink. Babies are due in May. Prior to getting pregnant, my drinking was getting really bad. There were days where I KNEW that if I didn't stop I would be dead soon. The pregnancy presents itself with an amazing opportunity to not drink (I will not drink while pregnant). I vowed 4 months ago to use this time to get my head on straight. I read a few books, including Allen Carr's Easyway. All of these non-12 step approaches basically attempt to make you see how ridiculous the behavior is and illogical it is. I am a very black and white, logical person, so this makes sense to me. I KNOW, without a doubt how self-destructive the behavior is, how it never makes me feel better, only worse. All these things I KNOW. Not drinking the last 4 months has taken away that anxiety of driving by the liquor store and the internal fight. I can devote my time to other things. I REALLY don't want to go back to drinking like I did before. There is no doubt that it will kill me.

I was really sick with morning sickness the first few months, it's actually just like being hungover every. single. day. That has now lifted and with that came the intense urges. Like I said, I don't have an urge to drink now, but my mind wanders to 6 months from now and I'm thinking about, with great joy, to going back to my old habits. Pounding a bottle of wine before going anywhere on a weekend. Drinking on the way home from work. Drinking while cooking. Day drinking. Everything. I am scared to death of how I am going to fight this in 6 months. I know that my mind is playing tricks on me, I know that all this is bad ideas on top of worse ones that will only make me feel terrible. I cannot give away 10 months of sobriety this time, I can't. But I don't know what to do. When I was sick, it seemed so easy, now that I feel good, I want to ruin it all. The resolve I had 4 months ago seems to be dissipating and I don't know what to do.

Thanks for listening.

bexxed

Welcome back.

For me, one day at a time is working.

In gratitude

B

doggonecarl

Well, the good news is, that's six months from now. Today you aren't drinking. You have six months to bolster your recovery...that is, if you have a program of recovery in place. Do you? Abstinence is hardly recovery.

You seem to be able to abstain while pregnant. Why is that? Because the life in your womb is sacred, one you won't harm with alcohol? Well, that life needs to be protected from alcohol after it's born, too. I hope you can end the struggle with drinking.

Mountainmanbob

Reminds me of a time when I was 18 and doing 4 1/2 months in jail.
Although not drinking for a while I was so looking forward to it.
So as to be the best mom that you can be --
you (we) know the facts to be
drinking will probably never let you accomplish that.
Best to find a sober Program that works for you.
Good luck,
M-Bob

ChloeRose63

Find a program and make a plan. You don't seem to be strengthening yourself to fight the AV. Think of this sober time as personal training for the fight to become a stronger, sober person and a great mom. Focus on that. Don't focus on the old ways...concentrate on the new way you are living one day at a time.

emjay2017

4MyMel.You are doing brilliantly now. Don't forget that. Today you have the strength you need for today. And that is inspirational to me.

MLD51

So you have no trouble abstaining while pregnant - that was me, too. Easy peasy. Because there is no way you would endanger the precious life you are carrying. Well - what if you thought of your own life as precious, too? Because it is. You're a mom. Your kids need you. You wouldn't do anything to knowingly hurt them, so why knowingly hurt yourself? You are precious. Protect yourself, for your sake, and for theirs. I'd strongly recommend using this sober time as your time to work on a program to stay sober, as others have said. You said you like the logical approach - Have you thought about Rational Recovery? Using the AVRT (Addictive Voice Recognition Technique)? there's a lot of information on the internet about it - and here, to. Or AA. Anything to help you learn to live a sober life before you give birth again. I wish you the best.

Anna

Congratulations on your pregnancy and on stopping drinking. You are clearly doing the right thing for your baby and your family.

This is my advice. There is a difference between stopping drinking and recovery. You have stopped drinking which is great, but have you made other changes in your life to support your recovery. Your old habits - drinking before going out, drinking while cooking, drinking on the way home from work - need to change. For example, you could drive home from work via a different route and not pass your favourite liquor stores. Maybe you could spend less time cooking (husband could help) or find something refreshing and healthy to drink while cooking. I think if you make those kinds of changes in the next months, you won't find yourself fantasizing about drinking again.

doggoluvr87

I so second this. You want to be mentally there for your kids. I know parenting can be difficult, and I don't know how old your first child is, but I know you're going to need a solid plan if you want to avoid drinking while they're children, especially because I think that itself can actually become the trigger sometimes (I know it was for me), and the whole "mommies and their wine" culture isn't doing anyone any good either.

Great job on 4 months so far! The little life you're carrying is so thankful to you.

ABetterWay1

4MyMel,

Many thanks for sharing what you are going through. Because I am male and therefore unable to experience what pregnancy and childbirth are like, I will not be as presumptuous to think that I can give advice in such a manner.

That said, as a parent, I totally resonate with the responses about protecting yourself for the good of your kids. Anytime I think the fight isn't worth it, or I get so low that I don't want to go on, I think of what that would do to my little family. I can't let my kids go through that pain, so I fight on. And that never fails to keep me going.

ABW1

fini

4MyMel,

i too abstained during both my pregnancies, and it was easy.
this seems a fairly common thing, and i don't think it's as easily explained as because the life you're carrying is sacred.
i have no explanation for my own abstinence during that time, as it was no more rational a decision than all the other ones i made re not drinking.
i do know, in retrospect, that knowing it was a temporary situation put a whole different spin on it. the future drinking could just quietly lie in wait, so to speak, without rearing its head.
you're smart to examine this ahead of time. you can prepare, put things in place now.

the logical rational knowledge wasn't enough for me, or not the right kind of knowledge, better put. i had to know without a doubt that i am an alcoholic, and that i had lost the control i was so sure i thought i had.

what i needed on top of that was a "practice". eventually, i came to see that the knowledge you're describing by "i KNOW" wasn't going to do the trick.

MLD51

Fini -
I KNEW for years that I was doing myself no favors by drinking. That wasn't enough for me, either. I had to have a recovery program that I work on every day in order to get and stay sober. Into action. All the knowing and wanting in the world won't cut it long term - I had to admit to myself and others that I was an alcoholic, then get support in any way I could.

fini

MLD, yeah, and it being easy during pregnancy to not drink, and that being nine months, served me well in allowing me to convince myself i obviously couldn't have a REAL proble....cause no-one with a REAL problem can easily abstain for nine months.