vulturine

I write letters to myself everyday, out of loneliness and boredom I guess. Earlier I was thinking about the circumstances of my non-conviction record, and how it could have been a lot worse.

I currently live on the street Marlene Moore grew up on, Canada’s first female dangerous offender. They filmed part of the movie about her life in my parent’s house before they tore it down, which is on youtube. She spent most of her life in prison for pulling a knife on a police officer before killing herself. She’s a tragic case because the system failed her. I’m pretty sure she probably had BPD like me.

Okay, so I got apprehended in 2015 for the same thing, I pulled a knife on a police officer because I was feeling desperate and cornered. Nothing happened to me. They took me to psych, I know all the doctors and nurses there already, got questioned, and I was sleeping in my own bed the same night. That’s it. No charges, nothing. But why? What I did was pretty serious.

The system, and law enforcement sometimes fail people who need help. What I did is very uncharacteristic, and I can’t fully explain why I do the things I do sometimes. I’m pretty sure my brain shuts off when I’m in distress. I’m grateful to the police chief, who is very understanding when it comes to dealing with people with mental health issues, and to the police officers who handled all my arrests very professionally. The police chief is actually on the board which implemented change for the rights of people who were arrested for mental health incidents so non-convictions don’t interfere with future employment.

Every day I think about how lucky I was that things worked out for me the way they did. I never went to jail, I wasn’t shot dead, I can pass a regular background check (not the in-depth one), I can go back to school; life can be normal. If I hadn’t been in psych every couple months or so leading up to that, or reported as a missing person, I may have faced life-destroying criminal charges. The police already knew me from incidents where I slashed my arms badly enough to need an ambulance, so I was okay when I wasn't okay.

Glad to be sober, free and alive today.

Mountainmanbob

I understand how you feel vulturine.
Twice I was facing a prison sentence and got by easy.
On another night the police came and wanted me to come out of my house. They had a loud PA speaker and kept saying, "Bob come out with your hands up." I opened the front door at least two times and screamed at them, "that I hadn't done anything and that I was not coming out." Then I would go to the refrigerator and grab two more tall beers and sit on the couch and drink them. When I finally did come out with my hands high in the air many officers were pointing guns at me and my body was lit up with several laser lights from their guns. Just one of many crazy nights.

Let us be good today and keep doing the right things.
M-Bob