Nobody left but my husband
 

I'm thank-ful to my husband for staying with me.....But feel so alone.... I have no friends... Nobody cares....Calls ...Emails...Texts or PMS me...I recently lost a new job I so loved.....I am nothing but negative ... Sad... And ... Lonely.....I am 2 months sober simply because my husband keeps track of where I am at all times...

I've lived my entire life with depression.... Inadequacy around people...Not feeling worthy of friendships...So I sabotaged them along the way.

Then the one relationship I trusted.....My husband.... Chose to have an affair....I chose alcohol to deal with the pain and heartbreak....Not realizing that I would/ could become addicted and reliant on it.... Alcohol has been My Life since 2001....

I've tried talk therapy... Doesn't help... Albeit....I just tried it for a couple of months last year..,I am so tired of listening to my mind and all of the negative thoughts.....But then again....It's allI know..This is ME....

My new job only lasted several months..I started drinking....Yep...While working....Eventually one of my co-workers smelled it....And that was the end of what was a New Beginning for me....I'm 52..... Wasted 1/2 of my adult life......I'M miserable..... Thanks so much for listening

Prec- thanks for the post. Empathy to you. Perhaps give the therapy a go and start with a fresh- clean slate for thinking. Prayers to you.

Thank-you Phoenix.....She is a good therapist but just retired....I will try to talk with someone again...I just don't know how to change my way of thinking...Viewing myself....

Today?...Not sure what you mean.....So new coming back on to SR... Sorry for not understanding

Thank you for sharing Precious.. I feel sad for you but know that things can get better.. Remember within yourself all the good things about who you are.. Look back to why you started drinking, address this issue, maybe it will get you on your path of sobriety & happiness together, forced sobriety because someone is keeping tabs on you doesnt work, ive been there before, i hated the person for it..
I truly hope you can find your way.. Just remember, we are here to support you, you arent alone...

Thank-you Red....I believe you are correct. Forced Sobriety won't work...

I literally do not know who I am.or how to live a normal happy life....I always have felt like "I'm on the outside looking in on life going on around me"....I've been this way my entire life...I believe that is what sent my husband to look elsewhere as he did....

I want to know what it's like to just have a sense of peace and happiness within myself.....Before I leave this earth......At my age....I'm believing I am only going to find those feelings maybe in another life.....If there is one to believe in... That is

doesnt read very pleasant to just stop drinking and not change anything.
ya know, instead of havin sobriety forced on ya, im thinkin iffen ya decided youre sick and tired of being sick and tired and WANT to stop being sick and tired,WANT to stop the low self esteem,self pity, worthlessness, and all the other negativity, and are WILLING to do ANYTHING to get out from under, the the most important ingredient-do it for yourself...
then ya gotta get into action-take control of your life. look at the recovery programs available .

one of the actions i think you should start every morning and end every day with-
look in the mirror. look right into your own eyes. not at yer hair.not for dust bunnies on yer shirt. right into your own eyes.
and say to youself
i love you
every morning and night.
do it for 2 weeks.

it was one of the actions that helped this once hopeless,helpless,useless worthless person .

I know it doesn't read very pleasant....Tom...As this Thread reads to me....New to Recovery.....That is where I'm at...I'm reaching out....I hope to post positive posts....When I can find some within myself to post....

I do want change...Happiness and Peace....Within myself.....Tom....

Maybe coming on here won't be for me ...... If someone reaching out for help and empathy....While initially trying to explain where they are at in their lives.....Makes people uncomfortable...... Disappointing.....

Thanks for your suggestion..,I appreciate it

:grouphug: Precious

It hurts to feel alone and on the outside looking in
That's a big part of why I drank too.

I'm your age and I know how tired you must be.
This place can be helpful and healing.

I find reading other people's posts make me feel not alone,
more connected, and that others have been where I am now and healed.

You deserve to be sober and happy Precious--your life and your feelings matter.
Please stay and keep posting

I hope you don't think what ya post makes me uncomfortable. im not.
I understand youre new to recovery. I was there,too, at one time. a hopeless,helpless,useless,worthless POS.
and I was sensitive to what people said to me,too. it took T.I.M.E. for me to get over that sensitivity. T.I.M.E. =
Things
I
Must
Earn.

I cant type empathy, but I have it. might not read like that from your view, but its there.

so, have ya gone and looked in the mirror yet?
prolly one of the hardest things I did. I hadn't looked at myself in years. didn't like who I saw. but did it anyways because there just wasn't going to be an easy,soft, gentle way for me to get out from under.

Precious - you sound a lot like I did a couple of years ago. I was depressed, feeling worthless, unloved, and alone. I don't know how you feel about it, but have you thought about AA or some other face-to-face support? Also getting back into therapy could really help. Like others said - forced sobriety is unlikely to work. You have to take some action on your own, to help you learn to live life a different way. I'm about your age - 53, and I can honestly say I am now starting to like myself and I feel a peace I never thought possible after 2 years of sobriety and working on myself using the steps of AA and other self-esteem raising methods.

You said coming here might not be the right thing for you - it absolutely can be. Read posts from people who have some good sober time and you will see that even the most desperate of us can and did come to a place where not only does life seem worth living, but also a place of peace and happiness.

Hey Precious

Thank you for your post. I do relate, very much.

Get a new therapist. Dealing with your husbands infidelity sounds like its very important. I think you are saying your alcoholism is your way of dealing with it and obviously that's not working. I will add my own experience here. I had to be 'willing' to let go of my anger, feelings of betrayal etc. I had to be willing to forgive. And I had to be willing to forgive myself. I'm a work in progress.

I would definitely look into a program of recovery. Preferably one with meetings so you have others to talk to, and listen to. Someone in a meeting said something funny, but also very true for me "Its ok to sit on the pity potty every once in a while. Just be sure to flush". Haha. That's a good one.

If you want to feel better, I believe you can. But it does take action. Its hard, believe me I know. I'm struggling with that right now.

Your post has helped me. And congrats on 2 months sober. Now maybe make today a sober day because YOU choose it.

Sending you empathy precious. I care. And many, many others on this board care. So that's something that's really good. What else is something is that you have 2 months of sobriety. That's great! Use these positives as your building blocks to more and more and more positives in your life. One block at a time, you can get to where you want to go. Keep posting. Keep working.

I recently lost a great job. I did not like the job really, but the pay was more than I will ever make again. I was drinking and was hungover all of the time. I was barely functioning. I blamed everyone but myself. Now I am unemployed and struggling to find work. I am not giving up though and neither should you.

Precious, you and I are about the same age. I too was lost in my own life. What I can tell you at over six months sober, everything has improved. It's like a miracle to me that I get to re-live every morning when I wake up sober. I had a bunch of problems and issues like so many alcoholics. Once you get some sober time those issues all improve with some work. Please give it a try I promise you won't regret it.

Finding that sense of peace and happiness inside oneself can be an illusive thing. We want to have it inside ourselves, yet we keep looking to the outside world to provide it. For me, the hard truth of the matter is that I don't have what lots of other people have. I don't have that internal peace and happiness and that small still voice that says all will be well. It's not there. And I've never had it. That being said, I've learned to live with it. To keep my expectations low. To know that even tho I don't feel the way I'd like to, I still have a life to live and short of doing something insane, I need to be able to live it. Nothing I've ever tried has worked. Not alcohol, not drugs, not anti depressants, not food or sex or money. But I don't give up. I keep going and try to make the world a little better place for those I come into contact with each day. I know this probably doesn't help much, but I just wanted you to know you're not alone in that one area.

Tomsteve this is beautiful.

:tyou
:You_Rock_

ThankYou all! Each of you have touched on good points I need to hear......To be honest.... Today...I've read your messages to me..... over and over....

I appreciate each of you taking time to share your thoughts and journey with me.....

I will admit...Right now.....I'm a bit negative....But as soon as I posted my negative thoughts and experiences.... Someone gets offended or uncomfortable......It's not that I want to stay this way....That's why I'm here...Reaching out for help...Guidance.... Empathy and support..

Thanks for listening....,

The SR community overall seems to have weathered such things (in bold) for something like 13 years (one of the old timers will help me me out on that, but in sum, it's a very long running site). TBH if no one or very few had ever felt free to talk about actually how we feel, negative or not, it would have died a very short death.

Do stick around. You're amongst people who know how you're feeling, and who can listen to and encourage you.

Hi Precious,

Welcome to SR! Two months sober is fantastic.

One thing I found helpful was switching to the idea of recovery vs. I can't drink anymore. I wanted to be the best me, physically, and emotionally. I focused on making healthy choices, exercise, mindfulness, journaling, lots of reading, and I also found that reading and posting on this site has really helped me.

It sounds like having a counselor to talk to about how you are feeling might help as well.

Is there anything that you really enjoy doing? That might be a good way to start building a social network again.