Laurenxmarie

Hi all,

I don't know how many people are on here or who even cares to read this, but I don't have anyone to talk to, so here goes...

I'm an opiate addict. I was in recovery for most of last year, I had 2 short relapses, but I had gone to treatment and was living in a halfway house in Florida.
I decided to come back home for several reasons, but it took one week for me to get my klonopins re-prescribed, and then finding hydrocodone in my grandma's med cabinet at thanksgiving. Then a few more weeks and I'm snorting heroin again.

I feel so ******* alone. I can't tell anyone in my family. I can't bear to see the look of disappointment in their faces again. And I wanna kick this thing on my own. So yesterday I got some Oxys to start weening myself off. I have a suboxone strip for once the oxys run out. But I already feel like ****. I dread withdrawals... and I work too much to be able to take a few days off.

I don't know what to do. I want to go back to Florida... but I'm just so goddamn depressed. I've been thinking it would be nice to just end it all. It's hard for me too see the point anymore.

I guess I just needed to get that out. If anyone has any advice or words of encouragement, I'd really appreciate it.

IWalkTheLine

Can't offer to much in the way of advice because I'm still trying to kick opiates myself. We have a similar problem, after coming off and beating other addictions I don't want no one to know about this one, can't bear to let em down again. It's tough quitting when it's a secret, especially as I have such bad withdrawls. Just wanted to give the thread a bump and hopefully someone more helpfull will come along.

I quit IV heroin twenty years ago, never thought I'd be here again, although it's just pills at the minute. Also I quit drinking a few years back and lost a lot of my friends as they all drank or used. Don't have much family, just my girlfriend and the dogs. Good luck and stay looking on here there's some great advice, and kind people.

ABetterWay1

Hello Laurenxmarie,

I am not familiar with opiates, only alcohol, but I can imagine that all of us who are addicted feel similar kinds of pain in our struggles. Please do not end it all - you are worth the fight.

I wish you peace, happiness, and lots of support.

ABW1

fgo

You can get through this. I don't know much about opiates , but I do know you want to quit. You can do it.

wpainterw

Hi Laurenexmarie: I am an alcoholic and have had no experience with opiates. However, on the basis of what you have said, it seems to me that you will require skilled medical help to achieve a safe and successful withdrawal. Trying to do it yourself by "tapering off" or going "cold turkey" is dangerous to put it mildly and highly likely to be unsuccessful. Your first step should be to your primary care physician, if you have one. He or she should be able to refer you to a specialist physician and/or counselor. It is important that you be entirely candid about your addiction (you are absolutely protected by physician patent confidentiality). If things get really rough for you or if you feel you may be seriously thinking of ending it all, please go immediately to the Emergency Room. You can recover. You can be happy. Thousands have been where you are and a great many have succeeded. Keep posting on SoberRecovery. We will help you 24/7. Try NA (Narcotics Anonymous) or some other plan which will provide the help and companionship of persons who seem successfully into recovery. Avoid old acquaintances who might be hoping to encourage you to resume your habit so as to make them feel better about it. Keep posting. Hang in there. If you do, things will gradually get much, much better.

Bill.

finaltime

I just detoxed off opiates and my dr gave me 3 meds to help. It helped huge. We can't give any medical advice there, but please know that there is hope if you reach out. you do not need to do this alone. We are here for you. I know it seems so hard to think of telling people again, but most likely they already know. My addict self always thought I was fooling everyone, but then I wasn't.

we are here please keep posting.

MariahGayle

As warpaint & final time said Laurenxmarie, you are not alone & do not have to do this alone....much support & Love if you reach out for it, a big relief to know you don't have to carry it alone....thoughts of Love & Strength your way

Berrybean

Sorry for what brings you here.

It seems a lot of people thing that Recovery is a short term thing. Why not accept the long-term nature of your condition and get back to that recovery work. Your local NA meetings could be a good step. Advice. Fellowship. Experience. Strength. Hope.

Wishing you all the best for your recovery. BB

Mags1

Hi laurenxmarie, sorry for what you're going through.
I hope you can get the right treatment to stop the opiates.

I was a drinker so don't know much about drugs, but Some good advice on here, we're all here to help and support each other.

Organeyezd

Definitely not worth it to end it all. Stay strong, keep coming here. I'm new here, and to recovery. And it works. All the best wishes! -organ

saoutchik

How are you doing today Laurenxmarie?

I cannot add anything to the thoughtful advice offered by the previous posters but it might help to keep sharing your thoughts. It is easy to slip into a negative spiral if everything is being kept in

I hope you post here again soon

Anna

Lauren, I hope that you return and post again, too. I know how terribly lost and alone I felt at the end of my drinking days. There is so much support here and so many caring people. We do understand how hard this is.

emjay2017

Hi Lauran

It sounds like you have a battle on your hands. But you are not alone. How are you feeling today?

Emjay

heartcore

It wouldn't look disappointing or strange to anyone if you started going to NA. It is typically the recommendation of any treatment center that you follow through with meetings after you leave treatment. You don't have to admit to your family that you are struggling if you can't bear to, but you could tell them that you realize you need ongoing support and are going to start going to meetings. That just makes you look engaged in your recovery.

It takes most addicts (and alcoholics) many attempts to become totally clean, but we learn from each try, and often let go of some of the more destructive habits only to find ourselves chipping with "lesser" evils (like pills) which we know wake the sleeping addict just as much as anything.

Go to detox. Go to the emergency room. Go to a doctor.

Withdrawal is hard enough - why make it even harder by trying to hide that you're dealing with it? Remember - trying to quit using is something to be proud of (even if you've done it before). Catching yourself before you go deeper is something to be proud of. Bravely admitting you have a problem and need more help is something to be proud of.

I know it doesn't feel that way right now, but it just doesn't make sense for us to be more embarrassed to deal with our addiction than we are to stay inside it!

I send many good wishes for you! You are capable of getting clean!

gregknight

You are not alone, laurenxmarie. Help and support on this board. I agree with others about seeking medical help to detox. Please keep checking in to find support and let us know how things are going. A prayer and hug from me!

Steely

Double post

Steely

"I want to go back to Florida."

Why don't you go back to Florida Laurenxmarie? Sometimes work has to take a walk. If going back to Florida is (really) not possible, then seeing your doctor and weaning seem the next best option to my mind.

I don't use a 12 Step Programme, but found in the early days being around others who understood was really helpful in finding my sea legs.

Sounds like you need to talk with someone one to one. Thinking of you, and sometimes we all have to take a return trip to Florida. You can do this.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Laurenxmarie!!