Putaforkinme

Thank you for the insight everyone. The thing is she rejected me and told me I was trading addictions. In hindsight she was being the bigger person by putting on the breaks and wanting to be friends. I was still pushing for more. The thing that twisted the fork in me was the fact that I had to sit in a meeting and listen to her talk about some guy she was seeing. I was 2 chairs down and got to hear about some guy she met and how ****** great he was. That is why I posted. It wasn't for my sobriety or hers it was because of me. Once again not good enough.
It was suggested:
1. She knew I was listening to **** with my head.
2. What does this girl have to offer me in early sobriety. She is sick too
3. The rooms are for healing and to practice emotional sobriety.
4. I wanted validation for being a human. Being wanted validates that.
5. Work on yourself in the first year and my ideals will change.
6. Why we suggest you stay out of relationships. priority is sobriety

How do I feel doesn't matter the fact that I feel is the problem I drank over feelings good or bad. What was it I fell for: She was cute and had a heartbeat. Sex inventory pointed out it was selfish, self seeking, ego driven. I could of caused some damage to us both us. I get it.

Ok so now what? Drama is what I do I make mountains out of mole hills. 6 mos ago I was throwing up blood staring in a mirror seeing someone that I did not recognize. Saying over and over "we are so ****** it was a out of body experience. It was my last drunk. Old me would never of reached out. I always had the answers, now I ask for help from people I don't know all over the world, sponsor and sober friends. Still hurts though to be rejected, it feels like closure though. Its not the first time just the first time without my defense. Alcohol.

August252015

I'm in that 25% (or whatever the "number" is).

I am going on 11 mos sober and have a VERY unique situation with my relationship. Short version: we dated in high school; he randomly asked me to lunch last summer; we are both in recovery; our individual recovery comes first, then our relationship and we both have strong programs (AA + faith + counseling and for me, certain drugs). I trust him completely. Our focus is long-term - this is the big deal and the stakes are incredibly high. We look at everything as a team and, as he says, the "us" perspective. We are kind, loving, accepting, thoughtful, respectful imperfect people who are in love and practice love.

This is the only kind of relationship I could have now - or want, ever.

I've had plenty of others - while actively alcoholic or not, and with other alcoholics and not- and many had drama, uneven feelings, tolerance of things that weren't the right way to treat each other, or worse.

My sobriety is number one. Anyone who doesn't understand and respect that - and in my case, that I likewise respect the same for him- simply cannot be a partner.

This is what I would wish for anyone in recovery (or, frankly, at all). I do not think timing is as important as the capacity that both people have to have a healthy relationship (which sensibly connects to the one year "rule"). Much thought and prayer was put into entering one for me, at 4+mo sober. I think our situation is pretty unusual, but now I have a gold standard for what I want in one.