lilgolden73

I've struggled with it for awhile, I'm happy to say I've got a good deal of time under my belt now but even though my drinking days are over I still have an internal hissy fit because I wanna drink...aka I wanna numb out the brutal part of this existance. I refuse to stop doing things because I can't drink. So now I'm the eternal DD which is very annoying but hey.....someone's got to do it. I cringe now when I see people downing drink after drink....but who am I to judge...sigh, it is what it is I guess. Happy New Year!

D122y

But, you are living life clean and you have the energy God intended.

All your drinking buds wake up feeling like hell and are toxic.

How long have you been clean?

madgirl

Sorry - but I respectfully disagree.

Changing a decades old pattern? Yeah that is hard. Finding new friends, hobbies, pursuits? Challenging - sure.

But sobriety? after awhile it feels pretty damn peaceful and calm - it is easy, nice. Your body loves it. Your brain will heal and then you will see how incredibly hard being an active alcoholic truly is - hard on the body, the spirit, relationships, wallet - everything.

Please hang in there sober.

lilgolden73

Yes, I love how I feel in the morning! I've only kept a few friends around me who still drink, they aren't bad people just mislead by alcohol...one of my friends followed my lead and stopped drinking, so that's good!

lilgolden73

Yes madgirl...I'm totally aware of all this, but thanks....

Nonsensical

I disagree. You are a SUPERHERO.
Thank you for keeping my family (and countless other innocents) safe from people who might get behind the wheel with impaired skill and judgment.

lilgolden73

Thank you! The holidays are hard for me! I feel much better today. I agree, I'd rather be the DD and completely aware of what's going on around me!

HTown

Have you made a list of pros and cons to drinking? I took a big sharpie on big paper and wrote all of the positives! It is very helpful for me to look at it. Plus, when I had Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, my doctor explained that writing things embedds them deeper into the brain. She was an MD. For me, this seems true.

Hang in there.

MidnightBlue

Hi, Lilgolden!

If I am not mistaken you are Octsober 2012 too?)) Always great to see my "sobers in arms".

I think that it's not sobriety that is hard. It's life which is hard. Or rather somewhere on the way we were sold an idea that it should be this and that way, and when it deviates - it hurts so much.

"Numbing" substances became so integral part of modern life that it comes natural - life is hard, and here's medicine to "doctor" it.

Sometimes life is so hard that I cry. But I live and bounce back. And so you do.

Life under influence is much harder. And it continuously steals the hope that we can find genuinely beautiful moments amidst this hardness.

About a week ago I was at the New Year party with my colleagues. Many of them could use less drinking. I am not judging. I just have no slightest intention to go there again - be it "moderation" or whatever. Alcohol-free life is just better. Period.

Best wishes to you!

SHEILATRUELOVE

I'm new and just checking to see how this works.

SWTPEA61

Nice midnightblue

foryoumyson

Ya I feel the same way. But then i play the tape through because it's not fun any more . Waking up feeling like garbage sucks. Also im sick of letting my family down and myself. I always thought sober people were boring but i was wrong.

Dee74

The more I dealt with things the more competent I became and the greater the chance of serenity.

I hope you find 2017 will be less brutal for you lola
D

Dee74

welcome to SR sheila

D

lilgolden73

Thanks everyone! I'll never go back to drinking, but I reserve the right to whine every now and again. Sober is better! It feels good just to vent

MidnightBlue

Vent as much as you need, Lola)

Grateful09

I had a great teacher in high school who, when I expressed that something was hard, said, "OK, well you can do hard."

These days, in early recovery I find myself saying, "It's going to be OK. You can do hard." And I look forward to the time when it will become less and less "hard." When I won't care as much that others seem to be able to have a normal drinking existence (meaning, not abuse it), when my recovery symptoms will lessen, when I won't need to have a written plan for every minute between arriving home from work and bedtime. Ect. Ect.

Meanwhile, it will be OK. I can do hard.

lilgolden73

Yes, life is hard, but we got this! Thank you!

lillyknitting

It was hell for me. I truly do not miss all the horrors that alcohol brought me. For years I was so intoxicated and under the illusion of alcohol that I told myself I was missing out; so I kept drinking. I missed nothing. I heartily took on all the pain, hell and horror that alcohol had to give. Eventually, I became sick and tired of feeling literally sick and tired. I told myself "just do as suggested and give it a go" if I don't like the sober life I can always go back". So I did. I do wake up with aches and pains etc, but nothing compares to the utter torture, physical and emotional and mental of my old drinking life. Life can be hard, for all of us, but for me I made my life harder by enduring my own self-punishment. Now if I don't want to go to a social event-I don't go. I went to loads of parties over the holidays but in no way did I feel I had to drink. There are lots of people that don't drink because they have to drive home! I was one of them. I like driving home, I love feeling safe. I love not having to get a cab. I'm independent. If I've had enough I go home. I love my life. I absolutely and categorically love my sober life I never, ever want to go back there and I absolutely adore waking up sober. You are missing nothing. X

madgirl

Sometimes when I personally respond to a post, the act of formulating the response is powerful - for me.
You threw out a challenging scenario - an alcoholic with a long stretch of sobriety who goes out with friends who drink, sees them downing drink after drink and has to be the DD - and commented that sometimes sobriety is hard.
My response truly was more helpful for myself - to protect and nurture my own decision to be sober and to enjoy the choice - not so much "advice". Does that make sense?
Anyway, did not mean to insult.