skoteski

I have been dating a heroin addict for 5 years. I work in health care but had no idea the impact, the lies, the manipulation and the pain that would come with this relationship. I thought he was clean when I met him and he was honest in telling me his past. Then things spiraled into a roller coaster and have been this way for the better part of 5 years - minus 10 months about 2 years ago when he was clean. That 10 months was the best time of our lives. We both worked. He adopted a rescue dog, we got passports and went on a tropical vacation. Then the cycle started again.
I will try to make this as short as possible. He relapses, tries to hide it but I know him so well now that I know when hes doing it. There are 2 reasons Chris is mean to me and its either another woman or heroin. But not usually together. He left me 2 years ago for about 3 months when he was clean and found new "friends" that took pity on him and what a terrible person I am. I am not perfect but I don't drink or do drugs, I have a college education and I work 2 jobs. During the 3 months he was with her he was on dating sites, not being honest with her, still coming to see me and then he got on the herb Kratom which then led back to heroin. When this girl found all this out she kicked him to the curb and me being the enabler let him back in to get clean again and dry up. He promised to never hurt me again ect ect. Same promises I have heard many times. We did great for almost a year and then in Feb 2016 he changed again. I knew he was starting to use again but had no proof. He would do it one time and then hold off a few days. I work so much that I wasn't around so he got away with it. Then his money started disappearing, he looked bad, he stopped eating and became very mean with a very short temper. He moved in and out of the house about 3 times before in August he was finally broke with no place to live and had pawned anything worth money. Of course he called me. His mother enables him with money and thinks I am terrible for holding him accountable. So he came to my place for a couple days and got into a treatment facility. He did great for about 2 months. I could see the old Chris come back - the nice loving Chris. Then the end of Oct 2016 his attitude shifted again. He may be clean off heroin but its like hes cocky, self confident and decided he didn't want to be with me at all anymore. He looked me in the face on Christmas day and told me he didn't love me. He refuses to talk to me and as I have told him he is either using something or he met someone in meetings. He now has free time every evening and weekends because he is ready to graduate next month. He told me he just wants to do him. He wont admit hes met someone so I don't know this for a fact. I just know how he acts and the reason he acts this way. He plans on staying at this place after he graduates so he can live for free and work there as a driver. Of course he is waiting for his income tax return to. In the mean time he has left his rescue dog with me not once offering to help buy dog food - nothing. He stopped calling. Stopped asking to see me. I showed up there on Christmas night or I wouldn't have talked to him then for him to tell me he doesn't love me and this is all my fault. I was even going to meetings wit him and trying to be supportive. I wasn't always in the best mood as I am out here working and taking care of everything as I could feel him pulling away. The other guys at this facility are like a bunch of teenage girls who gossip ect. I feel lost and hurt. I have called to try and talk to him and he slams the phone down. I went there last night to talk to him and he had some guy come out and tell me if I didn't leave he would call the police on me. I didn't even do anything but tell the guy at the front desk I was there to see Chris. No one has ever told me I couldn't come there. I use to go there to pick him up and went to church with him. Someone please give me some insight before I completely lose my mind. I am so confused and hurt. What is going on??? Help please.

Berrybean

Glad you're here and posting, but very sad for what brings you here.

It sounds like he's thinking with his addictive voice on full volume, and for whatever reason is not emotionally available to you right now.

You've put up with 5 years of this craziness. Isn't it time to start looking at your own recovery and move on? Whatever his insane reasoning at the moment, don't you want better for yourself? What are you trying to prove by staying with this guy?

The folk over in Friends and Family will no doubt have more experience, strength and hope to share with you as this is where their unfortunate insight lays. Perhaps you could double-post your thread so they can respond as well...
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information


I would suggest stopping trying to unravel the mind and reasoning of an addict, and starting to focus on yourself, and your current and future happiness. A good place to start might be NarAnon / AlAnon or CoDa, or reading the Codependent No More book that has changed so many people's lives and outlooks over in F&F.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...tep-study.html

Also, these threads are very quick reads, but may be helpful to you right now.. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ddicts-do.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-10-times.html

Is it time to take back your life? I hope so, as I know you deserve to be treated with kindness and compassion - and he's not done that, and isn't likely to.

Wishing you all the best for your recovery. BB

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Skoteski!!

january161992

hi skoteski

prayin' for ya