Day 2 and struggling - I don't know if I can make it
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Georgia
Posts: 240
Day 2 and struggling - I don't know if I can make it
Hi. I’m here at the end of day 2 with nothing to drink. Part of me is glad of this and the other part of me wants a drink. I hate to admit this, but stringing 2 days together without a drink is quite a feat for me. This is after 3-4 years of ever increasing drinking. I’ve gone from wine to rum and finally at vodka. I drink for the oblivion. The initial buzz is fine and I like it but my main goal is blackout. I’m not the type who can buy a bottle and just drink a little or even half of it….no, I buy a bottle and finish the entire thing in one night. This behavior happens almost on a daily basis. I may have one night that I don’t drink at all but those are few and far between. With me I drink in the evenings. I stop after work and pick something up to bring home for the evening. Needless to say the next morning I’m hung over to the max and have to struggle through my morning workout and then work for the rest of the day only to do it again that very evening. I hate it, I hate myself. I want to quit, I need to quit. This routine has absolutely shredded any self-esteem I may have had; I can’t even look at myself in the mirror. When I pass someone at work, at the grocery store, anywhere, I can’t even look up at them. I’m so disgusted with myself and I don’t want to see that disgust reflected back in the face of strangers.
I pray that I’ll stay strong tomorrow when the stores open back up after the holiday and that I won’t collapse and buy a bottle of false courage.
Thanks for reading.
I pray that I’ll stay strong tomorrow when the stores open back up after the holiday and that I won’t collapse and buy a bottle of false courage.
Thanks for reading.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
Hi Labgirl 
I came here to SR with a life where 3 days sober in a row was pretty remarkable for me...
I really threw myself into the community here - asked for help and advice - made threads for support or joined ones like the Class of January 2017...
I didn't know whether I could stay sober forever but I did know I could commit to staying sober for one day...and then back up again tomorrow for the same commitment.
Things got easier, I changed and my commitment grew stronger.
It can happen for you too - have faith - don't give in - lean on us
D
I came here to SR with a life where 3 days sober in a row was pretty remarkable for me...
I really threw myself into the community here - asked for help and advice - made threads for support or joined ones like the Class of January 2017...
I didn't know whether I could stay sober forever but I did know I could commit to staying sober for one day...and then back up again tomorrow for the same commitment.
Things got easier, I changed and my commitment grew stronger.
It can happen for you too - have faith - don't give in - lean on us
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,909
It's great that you posted here first. We can relate for sure. With every sober day, your strength will grow. Remember why you're doing this. You don't have to live that way ever again. There's a very different life out there, a very different you that wants her freedom and her self back.
Keep posting. Eat something. Drink lots of tea and other non-alcoholic things you enjoy. Keep busy. Plan for tomorrow.
You've got this.
And we've got you. 
Keep posting. Eat something. Drink lots of tea and other non-alcoholic things you enjoy. Keep busy. Plan for tomorrow.
You've got this.
And we've got you. Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,067
Hi labgirl!
I think two days is awesome! It's twice as much as one day--and you'll never have to go through day one again. Please read around and post often--join a class thread, post in the 24-Hour Club, just keep at it--it works if you work it!
I think two days is awesome! It's twice as much as one day--and you'll never have to go through day one again. Please read around and post often--join a class thread, post in the 24-Hour Club, just keep at it--it works if you work it!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Georgia
Posts: 240
Thank you
Thank you Dee, melki and Coldfusion. Your encouragement and support mean so much. I have been trolling through for the past 2 days and intend to continue to read and post. Thanks for the support.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Somewhere
Posts: 130
Don't feel so bad about yourself for having a problem it may well make you want to drink more. Take a different route from home that doesn't take you past a liquor store (or at least your usual). I find the urge to drink only cones strongly for 5-10 minutes at a time (my pattern of abuse sounds similar to yours), just make it through those and the days will look after themselves. A lot of people here have been where you are now and made it, (ATM that includes me yay!), you can too.
Hang in there!
Hang in there!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 71
Get yourself a treat that you might not normally.. Maybe a special latte or hot chocolate; nails done; impulse candy bar purchase at the grocery checkout? Ice cream?
The first couple weeks are tough, but that stuff made it easier for me.
Also, remembering the bad stuff can turn my cravings around quickly.. It's not good to go around beating yourself up, but I need to recall stupid shameful cringe-worthy moments to remind myself.. (plenty in my 27 years of alcohol)..
Keep reading & posting on SR..
The first couple weeks are tough, but that stuff made it easier for me.
Also, remembering the bad stuff can turn my cravings around quickly.. It's not good to go around beating yourself up, but I need to recall stupid shameful cringe-worthy moments to remind myself.. (plenty in my 27 years of alcohol)..
Keep reading & posting on SR..
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Hello!
Great job coming here and posting about how you are feeling. Those first few days are the toughest, and you never need to go through them again.
Dee mentioned the January of 2017 class thread, that is a great place to read and post, everyone is committing or r committing to sobriety this month, having people at the same point in your journey helps.
Coldfusion mentioned the 24 hour club, that is another of my favorites, it's a great place to get to know some of the amazing members on this site, and also to stay accountable 24 hours at a time.
Like you, I only drank at night. I planned alternate activities for evenings the first few weeks. I went to the gym, took my kids to activities, read, went for walks, and of the thought of drinking popped in my head I logged in here, or did something else until it passed.
You can do this. Keep reading and posting!
Great job coming here and posting about how you are feeling. Those first few days are the toughest, and you never need to go through them again.
Dee mentioned the January of 2017 class thread, that is a great place to read and post, everyone is committing or r committing to sobriety this month, having people at the same point in your journey helps.
Coldfusion mentioned the 24 hour club, that is another of my favorites, it's a great place to get to know some of the amazing members on this site, and also to stay accountable 24 hours at a time.
Like you, I only drank at night. I planned alternate activities for evenings the first few weeks. I went to the gym, took my kids to activities, read, went for walks, and of the thought of drinking popped in my head I logged in here, or did something else until it passed.
You can do this. Keep reading and posting!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Good for you! Labgirl! Don't give in! You're doing the toughest part right now. Lots of good advice here on the SR website. Keep posting. Find some companionship with folks who don't drink. Work together to achieve sobriety. One day at a time. One hour at a time, one minute at a time. Whatever it takes. Pour out all the booze in your living quarters. Don't walk past the liquor store. If it gets hard then get yourself on SR and get immediate support 24/7. Just say you need support right away. We're here.
Bill.
Bill.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,594
labgirl I can so relate. Could not look into the mirror, eyes caste down, shamed, could not meet anyone's gaze and hated myself in full on confusion and angst.
I'm feeling stronger now (63 days) and can actually look into the face of the shopkeeper. It is a priceless gift labgirl, keep up the good work, your self-esteem will be returned. Keep posting you are safe here.
I'm feeling stronger now (63 days) and can actually look into the face of the shopkeeper. It is a priceless gift labgirl, keep up the good work, your self-esteem will be returned. Keep posting you are safe here.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 315
If there's someone you can reach out to on a personal level, please do it. You'd be surprised at how supportive friends and family can be in helping you achieve sobriety.
If you look back at my posts, you'll notice a pattern of relapses. In fact, I just got out of a medical hold detox yesterday. I've been struggling to do things on my own, and failing repeatedly. This last bender, it all came out. All my lies and hiding became known to my wife, children, and parents. (My kids already knew a lot of it, as it turns out.)
As mortified as I was, rather than treating me with disdain, I've been treated with genuine love, concern, and encouragement. I'm so relieved now that I don't have to do this on my own any longer, and neither do you. Please find a trusted family member or friend and reach out to them and ask for help. I think you'll be surprised by the support you receive.
I wish you well in your journey to sobriety.
If you look back at my posts, you'll notice a pattern of relapses. In fact, I just got out of a medical hold detox yesterday. I've been struggling to do things on my own, and failing repeatedly. This last bender, it all came out. All my lies and hiding became known to my wife, children, and parents. (My kids already knew a lot of it, as it turns out.)
As mortified as I was, rather than treating me with disdain, I've been treated with genuine love, concern, and encouragement. I'm so relieved now that I don't have to do this on my own any longer, and neither do you. Please find a trusted family member or friend and reach out to them and ask for help. I think you'll be surprised by the support you receive.
I wish you well in your journey to sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Nashville
Posts: 326
Going a day or 2 without drinking was a huge feat for me as well. I never thought I'd make it past just a few days. Heck, I never thought I would be able to live without alcohol... but I'm coming up on 5 months sober soon. You can absolutely do this. It is difficult in the beginning, but I can assure you it gets much better...the cravings less intense and/or not there anymore.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Canada
Posts: 6,869
You told my own story almost accurate to 100% Labgirl.
Same pattern, same poison, same time schedule and same disgust looking at myself every morning,
I was back to work every day completely broken but very good at hiding it (that's what I thought...), only waiting for the day to end to start the demolition derby once again.
It was like that, 365 days a year since many many years.
In a way, I was waiting for death to come and take me
It had a name : hell on earth.
Do you live something like that?
I tried to stop at the end of November 2016 (my registration date on SR) but the grace of stopping for good finaly came on December 2nd 2016. 32 days ago!
That day, all the booze in my house went to the sink : 2½ bottles of vodka, 2 sake bottles and 9 beers.
I felt free right away from there and never looked back.
Not a single drink since then. I'm the proof it can work.
I hanged in here since then like there is no tomorrow, posting every day in the December group.
I was very shy at first but I was accepted as I was and felt more confident after a few posts.
I hope with all my heart that you'll give yourself a chance.
You won't believe all the gifts you'll receive every day being sober.
Big koala hug
Same pattern, same poison, same time schedule and same disgust looking at myself every morning,
I was back to work every day completely broken but very good at hiding it (that's what I thought...), only waiting for the day to end to start the demolition derby once again.
It was like that, 365 days a year since many many years.
In a way, I was waiting for death to come and take me
It had a name : hell on earth.
Do you live something like that?
I tried to stop at the end of November 2016 (my registration date on SR) but the grace of stopping for good finaly came on December 2nd 2016. 32 days ago!
That day, all the booze in my house went to the sink : 2½ bottles of vodka, 2 sake bottles and 9 beers.
I felt free right away from there and never looked back.
Not a single drink since then. I'm the proof it can work.
I hanged in here since then like there is no tomorrow, posting every day in the December group.
I was very shy at first but I was accepted as I was and felt more confident after a few posts.
I hope with all my heart that you'll give yourself a chance.
You won't believe all the gifts you'll receive every day being sober.
Big koala hug
Friendly Folk
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Powers Lake, Wisconsin
Posts: 21,718
Welcome, Labgirl.
Stick with us. Together we are strong and we can get you thru this! As Koala says, "We are all proof that SR can work." ( I didn't know you were shy, Koala!)
Remember: One Day At A Time or even hour by hour is your accomplishment for today. You can do this.♡CR
Stick with us. Together we are strong and we can get you thru this! As Koala says, "We are all proof that SR can work." ( I didn't know you were shy, Koala!)
Remember: One Day At A Time or even hour by hour is your accomplishment for today. You can do this.♡CR
Rehydrating to Oblivion.
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 1,332
Labgirl - that cycle of not being able to look anyone in the eye, and drinking night after night is so relateable.
Hang on in there. The first few days are tough but after that its suprising how quickly things get better.
Hang on in there. The first few days are tough but after that its suprising how quickly things get better.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Hi Labgirl. Yes, it is tough and uncomfortable at first, but try to remember that this is a transient phase. If you stay sober and work on your recovery, then things will start to get easier and more comfortable.
I can't see on any of your older posts what things led you to seek sobriety (and you don't need to put them on here if you don't want - some of us have some painful reasons for quitting ). BUT, I would suggest writing a list of the ways in which alcohol was detrimental to your life. What led you to your decision to get sober? In AA a similar exercise was part of my Step 1. This is handy to look back on at times when our alcoholic voices are screaming at us to seek relief through a drink, or trying to convince us that actually sobriety is far, far worse than drinking ever was, so it's really quite silly and unnecessary to put ourselves through it. Our AVs are such big fat liars - ut always amazes me that we fall for their lines time and time again. So, if you have a list like that already, then I'd suggest reading it. Remembering why you want to get free of alcohol. If you haven't, I'd suggest making that list. You could start today and add stuff as you remember things. My sponsor gave me a list of headings that was really helpful for me. Happy to pass that list on if you might find it helpful as well.
Also, Play the Tape Forward. If you took a drink now, what would happen? How would you feel? How would it affect your life and others who care about you? And I don't mean just in the next few hours. I mean, ongoing? As you're already experiencing, for a lot of people, each new attempt at sobriety gets tougher. If you drink now, what will your next day 1 be like? Just stick with it. An hour at a time. A day at a time. It will get better. If you stay sober and work on your recovery.
Wishing you all the best. BB
I can't see on any of your older posts what things led you to seek sobriety (and you don't need to put them on here if you don't want - some of us have some painful reasons for quitting ). BUT, I would suggest writing a list of the ways in which alcohol was detrimental to your life. What led you to your decision to get sober? In AA a similar exercise was part of my Step 1. This is handy to look back on at times when our alcoholic voices are screaming at us to seek relief through a drink, or trying to convince us that actually sobriety is far, far worse than drinking ever was, so it's really quite silly and unnecessary to put ourselves through it. Our AVs are such big fat liars - ut always amazes me that we fall for their lines time and time again. So, if you have a list like that already, then I'd suggest reading it. Remembering why you want to get free of alcohol. If you haven't, I'd suggest making that list. You could start today and add stuff as you remember things. My sponsor gave me a list of headings that was really helpful for me. Happy to pass that list on if you might find it helpful as well.
Also, Play the Tape Forward. If you took a drink now, what would happen? How would you feel? How would it affect your life and others who care about you? And I don't mean just in the next few hours. I mean, ongoing? As you're already experiencing, for a lot of people, each new attempt at sobriety gets tougher. If you drink now, what will your next day 1 be like? Just stick with it. An hour at a time. A day at a time. It will get better. If you stay sober and work on your recovery.
Wishing you all the best. BB
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,670
labgirl- thankyou for reading? No- thankyou for sharing. Honesty takes bravery- you have shown that. At a SMART meeting recently I offered to a struggling new chappie- it is not what we do- but what we do with the knowledge through action afterwards that counts. Addiction sucks. So many complex pathways leading to the inevitable blackout. It sucks all meaning of life. The fact you have reached out here to me says you do see a future, a sober happier future. That starts of course with not drinking. Then repairing the body- maybe with medical help- especially with withdrawls. Then working on the stuff that happened while drinking and the stuff that caused us to drink in the first place. For that I need support- the guidance of someone who can see my big picture- so I can clearly see the whole canvas of my life- which I could not do- being in that canvas. I use AA (and a sponsor), SMART, see my GP to monitor depression (with medication), plus a therapist. I actively do SOME more exercise and eat more healthily. I am very mindful of the HALTS concept. If I am Hungry, Angry, Lonely Tired (or Thirsty) or Sad- what can I do about it. I am aware emotions are natural and take time to accept and sort out and that my drinking was a way of avoiding them. I know it takes times, work and patience.
SR is a vital part of my recovery, to read-learn-share-grow. It is a safe, monitored, welcoming and supportive community. Keep posting. There are many different threads- including ones that target the month you 'joined' the SR place. Keep posting.
Prayers and support to you. PJ
SR is a vital part of my recovery, to read-learn-share-grow. It is a safe, monitored, welcoming and supportive community. Keep posting. There are many different threads- including ones that target the month you 'joined' the SR place. Keep posting.
Prayers and support to you. PJ
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