taplow

Day one AF is okay when I actually start it; but to me it's the difficult thing is making up my mind the day before that I will be starting it. I'm okay when I've got the first day out of the way, but I just can't get on it to begin with. The day before I'm already thinking about this being my last day of drinking and am already postponing it in my head.
That's where I've been for the last month and on many, many drinking periods before. Tomorrow was going to be it, but I know that I know that it won't be.
I think I'm deciding what I'll be doing but it counts for nothing when another part of me overrides my plans. I know any advice should be to shape up but I'm helpless in this. It's not about will power as all my good intentions disappear. I find myself not wanting to stop. "That's okay then carry on if that's what you really want," someone might say, but it's not what I want.
It's 11.30 in the morning here and I though I'm not drunk I am coasting along nicely.
What does it take for you to step outside of the drinking cycle?

Soberwolf

Acceptance & working on a plan of recovery is the best way forward

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

These 2 links should really help remember you can ask the mods for help structuring a plan too

coming_clean

The only way i managed to break the cycle is to take things one day at a time.
In early recovery that is.
As soon as my mind started to wander in the past or the future I would relapse.

ONE.
DAY.
AT.
A.
TIME.

ChloeRose63

One Day At A Time... try for One Day of not drinking alcohol. If you have to take it hour by hour and keep posting. We can get you thru a Day 1.

LadyBlue0527

Hi taplow,

Acceptance that you can't drink is key but what's also important is the understanding of the reality that this isn't an easy road. That's what makes the payoff so grand when you really start working it and get the fact that it can be done. You have to more than just want it, you have to live it, eat it, breath it, and under no circumstance can you listen to that voice or accept any reason that you think you can come up with to drink. Only then will you succeed.

The more you accept the above the faster it gets easier to abstain. The less you accept the more your body and your mind will fight you succeeding.

What helps tremendously is that plan. The plan of what you're going to do when you want to drink instead of drinking. Then, following through.

People come here and post and they are elated that they did. It is a tremendous feat for some. But, the reality is, the work begins not when that first post happens. Because it's usually done under the mindset that the poster can't take it anymore, that they know they must quit. The work truly begins when the first time that craving hits after the post has been created. The more you know ahead of time how you'll handle it the better off you'll be.

Stay here and read, read, read, and post. Do whatever is necessary to get through the cravings. They do go away. The more you do it the easier it gets. The better the plan the better the chances of success.

doggonecarl

You stop drinking.

I'm not trying to be facetious. You don't get sober in your head, telling yourself you are going to quit tomorrow. In your mind, you are thinking about your recovery, but all you are doing is appeasing your addiction. Then tomorrow comes, and it is the same thing.

The drinking cycle is broke by ACTION. Having a plan and carrying it out.

At some point you have to put the bottle down. Make a stand and do it now. Dump what you have and make the firm decision to quit. Forever.

As for dealing with the voice in your head that tells you "One more time...", read up on AVRT.

taplow

Some great responses there, thank you. I'm going to re-read tomorrow because the trouble is I'm drunk again. I'm on my own and drunk on New Year's Eve. I suppose it's a life. Anyway I won't go on because I don't want to be drunk, stupid and self pitying online. I really want to get sober and to take an active part in this forum.
With regard to drinking it's action that matters and not thinking about it. Preparation is useless, you've just got to do it. 2017 can be the best year of our lives. It's in our own hands, that's the thing. Anway, good luck and a happy new year to you all.

NewRomanMan

My willpower is useless against alcohol. Failed me time and time again. Things got better for me when I realized I could never win the fight against alcohol on my own. When I asked for help and accepted help (doing what I was told to do) things changed. Haven't had to have a drink since. The desire is gone.

Delilah1

Hi Taplow,

I hope you will come back and make tomorrow your day one. It took me a while to finally get sobriety to stick, but tomorrow I will have one year sober.

As many above have said you need a plan, and that starts with not risking today, do anything you need to not to have that first drink. Make sure you don't have alcohol in your house, read through the link posted about plans, and figure out what will work for you.

It really is as simple as not drinking one day at a time, not easy, but simple.

Hope to see you back tomorrow, sobriety is worth it.

tursiops999

That "someone" is the addictive voice. In your post there are clearly two "voices" -- the part of you that wants to get sober, and the part that wants to drink. One suggestion is to read up on AVRT in the secular sub-forum -- it describes how to choose, once and for all, that side of you that wants to stop drinking. You're closer to success than you think.

PurpleKnight

For me relying on my own willpower or hoping that somehow things would change when I hadn't made any changes never worked, instead I needed a plan, daily support and to revolutionise my decision making and my actions.

Soberwolf has posted some links on making a plan to check out, you can do this!!

january161992

going to AA and following direction

SoberLeigh

^^^^^ This!!!!!

tomsteve

"What does it take for you to step outside of the drinking cycle?"

for me it took the pain of getting drunk finally exceeding the pain of reality, which gave me the gift of desperation and i surrendered- i admitted alcohol had me whipped.
then went to AA. got the big book, went to meetings, did what the big book suggested, and havent drank since.

Mattq2

I knew I was on a road to complete distruction. There was absolutely no other choice. Drink for the rest of my life or never drink again. Just wasn't any other choices left.

Avra

Having a plan is key, but also you need to be willing to do it, no matter what. No matter how you feel on a given day, at a given moment. Willing to go through it, no matter what. Not over it, not under it, through it. It gets easier but to get past the first early days, you need to find it in yourself to dig in. Once you have decided to do it, get your plan together.

I think I am now getting past the very early, initial stage and I am working on my plan for sobriety throughout 2017. I expect my plan may change and evolve, as it has already.

Good luck and find it in yourself to be back here tomorrow and willing to turn your life around.

madgirl

If you are still lurking here today, please stop drinking and get some sleep. Drinking alone in an increasingly depressed state of self loathing is not remotely "fun" - it is hell, pure hell.

Please come back tomorrow, and make the hour by hour commitment that "today, no matter what happens, I will not drink."

We are here for you.

taplow

Just wanted to say hello again. For the last month I've been ready to join in with the forum but always something's got in the way. I'm still drinking. It's ridiculous. Every day since the start of December I've drunk. Also I drink heavily too. Today even though it's only afternoon I've already drank 3 bottles of 14% wine and I'm not drunk, I don't think.
Why can't I stop? Maybe it's thinking about how, when I stop, it's forever. I think I'm scared of the finality of it. What I do is I look ahead and predict when I should stop. I'll say how it can't be Monday because of this or that, no make it Wednesday because......
It's a mental health problem isn't it? I'll twist the circumstances to support me carrying on drinking. I can't seize control of events because something's seized control of me.
I'm 54 years old, I live on my own, I've got no friends. I don't do anythying much except work. Even so, I want a chance to see what I might be capable of. I wish it was a straight fight with alcohol but no, it's more subtle, more insidious than that.
I wish everyone on here well because, whoever you are, I have an idea what you're going through. Personally I want someone to smash me over my head with a sledgehammer.
There's no need for a response here. A response isn't any good until I actually stop drinking. I just wanted to say I do intend to stop and I wish everyone well and want to join in on here.

sortofhomecomin

3 bottles of high strength wine is not far off the equivalent of a 750ml bottle of vodka. Just to point out that if you drinking at that level - even bearing in mind that you probably have built up a high tolerance - when you do decide to stop, you may have physical withdrawal symptoms which can be dangerous, so medical advice is probably a good idea (although some people taper off on their own. )

taplow

I've altered this because I altered it before and I shouldn't have altered it. Now the alteration is even more stupid than it was before