Day 0
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by taplow 
It's a mental health problem isn't it?
Originally Posted by taplow
Why can't I stop? Maybe it's thinking about how, when I stop, it's forever.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 1,095
Over the last 27 years I planned to quit hundreds of times.
I too, could not get past that first day.
I quit for 4 months in 2013 - and that wasn't planned. My doctor put me on Zoloft and told me not to drink. But after a few month I quit the medication and went back to drinking.
Today I am 75 days sober and I didn't plan to quit this time either. I started having crippling panic attacks, depression and anxiety. I went to the doctor, got more medication and now I am sober.
The alcoholic mind can't just plan to quit - something has to happen to force you to quit..
I too, could not get past that first day.
I quit for 4 months in 2013 - and that wasn't planned. My doctor put me on Zoloft and told me not to drink. But after a few month I quit the medication and went back to drinking.
Today I am 75 days sober and I didn't plan to quit this time either. I started having crippling panic attacks, depression and anxiety. I went to the doctor, got more medication and now I am sober.
The alcoholic mind can't just plan to quit - something has to happen to force you to quit..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 748
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
Well, mental health in that it's the insanity of alcoholism.
You addiction thinks otherwise, but forever would be a good thing. From what you describe, as far as how your life is going, drinking sounds like a misery. Do you want that forever? Really?
You addiction thinks otherwise, but forever would be a good thing. From what you describe, as far as how your life is going, drinking sounds like a misery. Do you want that forever? Really?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Somewhere
Posts: 130
Taplow when I was drinking I found my mind changing a lot depending on where I was in my daily cycle, I went round and round in this loop for years (I actually don't know how long); see if this is familiar to you:
4:00am: OMG, I feel so bad, why do I keep doing this? That's it, I'm quitting, I'm done.
7:30am: I feel so bad: tired, hungover, must scramble to get kids off and pretend to be ok then get to work.
8:30am: Slink into my office and push my work off until later so I can get over my hangover. Gonna make it count today, no more boozing!
10:30am: Get a text from a business rep at another company, "Can I meet him for lunch? Hell no, I feel like crap" and besides I'm done with that.
11:30am: Actually feel up to doing some work, occasionally wonder why my boss hasn't fired me already and angst about that. Man I'm stressed, I could use a drink.
12:30am: Rep txts me again, "Sure you can't come? I'm buying", "Oh well ok", I can just have one or two, no need to get wasted, I just need to stay in control.
2:00pm: Decide to "Work from home" for the rest of the afternoon, so I can continue drinking. Only going to have "one or two" though because I can't be wasted on work calls or video conf.
3:30pm: My son comes home from school, I've abandoned all pre-text of working now but maintain the pantomime of not drinking around him.
5:30pm: Work now "out of the way" (although really I can be called on anytime), I can drink openly while I make tea for everyone as I hope they will believe it's my "1st after work" drink. I'm still going to keep it under control though because I have to work tomorrow.
7:30pm: Oh crap, running out of Vodka, I wasn't going to drink today was I so didn't buy any, oh well out to the shop before it closes.
8:00pm: Find some mindless activity I can perform while drinking or worse sometimes which a film with the kids with the lights off so they can't see how much I'm drinking.
11:30pm: Well everyone else has gone to bed, I can probably have another couple of drinks now, after all, I'm quitting tomorrow.
4:00am: OMG, I feel so bad, why do I keep doing this? That's it, I'm quitting, I'm done.
4:00am: OMG, I feel so bad, why do I keep doing this? That's it, I'm quitting, I'm done.
7:30am: I feel so bad: tired, hungover, must scramble to get kids off and pretend to be ok then get to work.
8:30am: Slink into my office and push my work off until later so I can get over my hangover. Gonna make it count today, no more boozing!
10:30am: Get a text from a business rep at another company, "Can I meet him for lunch? Hell no, I feel like crap" and besides I'm done with that.
11:30am: Actually feel up to doing some work, occasionally wonder why my boss hasn't fired me already and angst about that. Man I'm stressed, I could use a drink.
12:30am: Rep txts me again, "Sure you can't come? I'm buying", "Oh well ok", I can just have one or two, no need to get wasted, I just need to stay in control.
2:00pm: Decide to "Work from home" for the rest of the afternoon, so I can continue drinking. Only going to have "one or two" though because I can't be wasted on work calls or video conf.
3:30pm: My son comes home from school, I've abandoned all pre-text of working now but maintain the pantomime of not drinking around him.
5:30pm: Work now "out of the way" (although really I can be called on anytime), I can drink openly while I make tea for everyone as I hope they will believe it's my "1st after work" drink. I'm still going to keep it under control though because I have to work tomorrow.
7:30pm: Oh crap, running out of Vodka, I wasn't going to drink today was I so didn't buy any, oh well out to the shop before it closes.
8:00pm: Find some mindless activity I can perform while drinking or worse sometimes which a film with the kids with the lights off so they can't see how much I'm drinking.
11:30pm: Well everyone else has gone to bed, I can probably have another couple of drinks now, after all, I'm quitting tomorrow.
4:00am: OMG, I feel so bad, why do I keep doing this? That's it, I'm quitting, I'm done.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 748
I'm on my 4th bottle now, just getting something to eat and getting ready to watch Preston V Arsenal. I might as well just be sober. Practically I am sober. It's ridiculous. Drinking isn't giving me anything. Anyway, I'll close for now. Goodbye all.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 937
I respectfully disagree that we cannot choose to quit drinking - that we must be forced.
I was not forced. I made a choice to stop. I was even told I could not do this alone, and I did.
You have all the power in the world not to pour that first drink down your throat.
I was not forced. I made a choice to stop. I was even told I could not do this alone, and I did.
You have all the power in the world not to pour that first drink down your throat.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Originally Posted by taplow
I'm on my 4th bottle now, just getting something to eat and getting ready to watch Preston V Arsenal. I might as well just be sober. Practically I am sober. It's ridiculous. Drinking isn't giving me anything. Anyway, I'll close for now. Goodbye all.
It doesn't "work" anymore. Maybe if I drink more?
It doesn't work.
I also disagree that something has to happen to "make" you quit. It is an internal decision - made one time. Then everything that follows has to support that ONE decision.
If you don't drink, you don't drink.
If forever is too big, do like they said on page one on this thread - one day at a time. Anyone can do anything for 24 hours.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 748
Are you really a mad girl? Surely not. I also like to think that it's in my control. II want to think that anyway. Otherwise it's just pointless.
I'm still drinking, not drunk, getting ready to watch the second half - Preston V Arsenal. If anyone's interested we're losing .
Love to you.
I'm still drinking, not drunk, getting ready to watch the second half - Preston V Arsenal. If anyone's interested we're losing .
Love to you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 774
Taplow, like you I am still drinking, however I believe what 'madgirl' said to be true. Just my personal belief.
However do please bear in given the amount you are currently drinking per day, even though you may feel sober, that it is considered dangerous to suddenly withdraw (i.e., stop drinking completely tomorrow, or the day after, or whenever) and therefore medical assistance is recommended if possible.
However do please bear in given the amount you are currently drinking per day, even though you may feel sober, that it is considered dangerous to suddenly withdraw (i.e., stop drinking completely tomorrow, or the day after, or whenever) and therefore medical assistance is recommended if possible.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 1,095
Originally Posted by madgirl
I respectfully disagree that we cannot choose to quit drinking - that we must be forced.
I was not forced. I made a choice to stop. I was even told I could not do this alone, and I did.
You have all the power in the world not to pour that first drink down your throat.
I was not forced. I made a choice to stop. I was even told I could not do this alone, and I did.
You have all the power in the world not to pour that first drink down your throat.
Just like they say in AA you shouldn't say "I can't drink" you should say "I choose not to drink".
What I really meant to say is that you can tell yourself a million times you want to quit but usually some major event (usually bad) is needed to finally make it happen.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Georgia
Posts: 240
Hey tap. I experienced a lot of what you describe. I finally had to decide I'm stopping and it had to begin in that moment. I had been drinking that day but I had to stop right then, not wait for tomorrow. As has been mentioned here, sometimes we have to take it one day at a time, even one hour or 30 minutes at a time. I'm on day 8 today. It hasn't been easy but reading and posting here on SR has helped me tremendously and I believe it could help you too.
Take care and keep trying! God bless
labgirl
Take care and keep trying! God bless
labgirl
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 937
Ha - my screen name is because my name is Maddie (Madeline) although I have certainly had moments of madness (peace now though at ten months sober! 
)
I never lost a job, got a DUI (sheer luck, that), lost a house - no, the suffering was internal. Drinking made me mostly very sad. There is no off switch if I have one glass of wine, or a shot of whisky, or beer. I drank waaaaay past the point of "fun".
There is no comparison to my old life and this new one I am building - even the most mundane things seem and feel better, like today I am stuck inside because of ice so I am purging a closet but it feels good.
Hard to explain.
When I first quit it was hard, but I came here every day and had faith in what people here told me - "it gets better." I ate cookies, I developed a new addiction to La Croix (sparkling water) and watched alot on Netflix.
They were right! it does get better!
You can have peace, too. It is yours for the taking.
) I never lost a job, got a DUI (sheer luck, that), lost a house - no, the suffering was internal. Drinking made me mostly very sad. There is no off switch if I have one glass of wine, or a shot of whisky, or beer. I drank waaaaay past the point of "fun".
There is no comparison to my old life and this new one I am building - even the most mundane things seem and feel better, like today I am stuck inside because of ice so I am purging a closet but it feels good.
Hard to explain.
When I first quit it was hard, but I came here every day and had faith in what people here told me - "it gets better." I ate cookies, I developed a new addiction to La Croix (sparkling water) and watched alot on Netflix.
They were right!
it does get better! You can have peace, too. It is yours for the taking.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
