comtnman740

Well i'm on Day 4 again. I've had two relapses in a matter of two weeks both were one nighters. As many people say i've got to think about what caused it and how to handle things differently next time.
Cause: Stress
Handle Differently: Need to pick up that phone next time

Along with the above i haven't felt very grateful today for what i have. 2016 has been a pretty amazing year for me. I put the longest stretch of sobriety together in 160 days, bought a Jeep and moved into my own cabin. I busted my ass. I have to be thankful for the opportunity and blessing i have been given.

Advice Needed: I have a friend who i met when i was homeless back in early 2015 and he continues to ask favors from me. I don't mind occasional favors because i feel like i'm compassionate but this guy is really pissing me off. He contacted me today to ask me if he could use my shower because he didn't want to use the shower at the shelter because it was in so many words "nasty". I felt like going off on him because the guys seems to be making no effort what so ever to get out of this homeless situation. Hes asked me for money, to use the shower, rides here and there..it's getting to a point where i feel like telling him to take a hike and get your **** together. You're 50 years old..good grief. The guy also has a nagging cough which i don't know if it's contagious. Any thoughts?

Thanks! I needed to put everything on paper.
Garrison

Soberwolf

Congratulations on day 4

Dee74

I'm glad you made it back Garrison.

There are some other really good ideas in this links for a better plan too:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

As for your mate - only you can say whether your annoyance is justified or not. Seems there's more to it than just a shower

If it is justified - I really had to learn to say no.
I'm still not good at it and I hate conflict, but my life is a lot less complicated

D

comtnman740

Thanks Dee! You're always the shining star here! I think as far as my friend goes i know that whooping cough and bedbugs are going around the shelter. The guy coughs alot and i don't want bedbugs being carried to my place. I think i'm just nervous about that and can't afford to get sick because of my work and that my g/f is hyperthyroid and if i were to get sick it would further strain our relationship. Anywho..i know there are alot of "if's" but i'm just trying to protect myself.
Happy 2017 Everyone!
Garrison

biminiblue

I found in some past "helping" relationships that the more I give, the more they take.

If this guy is still struggling two/three years after you met him as homeless, then his lifestyle is a choice at this point. I would have to draw the line at bringing him to the house. What's next? "Can I stay here?"

If his requests are causing you enough stress to go back to drinking, maybe it's time to stop seeing him for a while until you can re-establish healthy boundaries.

PurpleKnight

Welcome back Garrison!!

For me nothing changed if nothing changed, I kept going round and round that alcohol merry-go-round because I simply hoped things would change, but until I took action and made it happen with more support, changing up my decision making, my actions, the same outcome was on endless repeat.

You can do this!!

tomsteve

only thing id suggest is saying "no" a wee bit kinder than this

"get your **** together. You're 50 years old..good grief."

ever ask him if he wants to change his circumstances?

Dee74

Based on what you've said Garrison, I think you're been beyond reasonable with this guy.

A little detachment is probably order of the day.

D

comtnman740

Thanks for all your suggestions. He recently has been contacting me asking if he can stay the night or just come to take a break at my place. I'm trying to work on myself and i can't afford to have someone in my life that is affecting my sobriety. I think we will take a break until we establish healthy boundaries.

tomsteve

. I think we will take a break until we establish healthy boundaries.

the you part of "we" has to do that.
and stickto them.
"no" is a complete sentence