First night alone
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 1
First night alone
Hi everyone, anyone. I'm new, to this site and to ending the patterns my husband and I have been in for a long time. He is a meth user. He is an addict. I still have some trouble calling him that, even though this battle has gone on for several years, or probably the entire 7 years we've been together. I am naive. I realize this, and looking back I can now clearly see the signs I couldn't at the time. Oddly enough, his tells each time were very different. I looked for one sign I had seen before and since that wasn't there I went on thinking things were different. Last week, right before Christmas, I found some of his tools (I guess) left in the bathroom, my two year old tried to grab them. I had enough lies and I called the sheriff. Field.tests proved what I knew..all.positive for meth. I don't know when it happened but somewhere along the way he started smoking it. All those strange odors explained!
I told him he could stay through Christmas, had to be out by Monday. He was agreeable and didn't make the holiday horrible, but then found excuses to delay moving himself out. Today I obtained a restraining order. I packed what he didn't and set it outside, then pretty clumsily changed the locks. I did it though and I felt empowered. Now I just feel sad. Logically I know what I'm doing is right, for me and my children, but fear and worry plague me. My husband sent me a text tonight about how he cannot go on, he can't be without our daughter ( I have two older kids that have known him most of their lives). He has me worried and I think that's his intention. It makes me angry. For thirty seconds, until I remember the three family members I have lost to suicide, how painfull that was and at times still is.
So my first night alone is full of worry. He's never been suicidal and I pray he isn't tonight.
thanks for listening.
I told him he could stay through Christmas, had to be out by Monday. He was agreeable and didn't make the holiday horrible, but then found excuses to delay moving himself out. Today I obtained a restraining order. I packed what he didn't and set it outside, then pretty clumsily changed the locks. I did it though and I felt empowered. Now I just feel sad. Logically I know what I'm doing is right, for me and my children, but fear and worry plague me. My husband sent me a text tonight about how he cannot go on, he can't be without our daughter ( I have two older kids that have known him most of their lives). He has me worried and I think that's his intention. It makes me angry. For thirty seconds, until I remember the three family members I have lost to suicide, how painfull that was and at times still is.
So my first night alone is full of worry. He's never been suicidal and I pray he isn't tonight.
thanks for listening.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,663
BB-hello. I cannot give advice for stuff I do not know much about. I do know that addictive behaviour took over my life and it was the only thing that mattered to me (alcohol). I also have seen and heard others around me say that addicts will do and say many things to keep the status quo- such as relationships, a place to live (and drink/use) to the detriment of others. What ever his reasons- you cannot control him. His decisions are just that. You are not his mother and I believe establishing boundaries for the safety of your children and yourself is the right way to go. Take care and stay safe. Read around the threads- there are a lot of real stories you can probably relate to. Prayers and support. PJ
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
I hate to sound unfeeling, but he is an active addict. That means he will say whatever he thinks will get him what he wants. I don't suppose he really believed that you would be strong enough to make and stick to boundaries to protect you and your children, otherwise he'd have been more difficult about getting out. Anyway. He knows what to say that will press your buttons. He will know that suicide is a big fear for you. The thing is, you cannot be responsible for him, his drug use, or any decision to get clean. Only he can do that. But you do need to keep your children safe. And at the moment, the way to do that is by ensuring that no one is using drugs in their home. Keeping their home a safe place.
You are very, very welcome in any area in this site, but I would suggest reposting your original message in the Friends and Family area as well as in this area. There are two....
One for Friends and Family of alcoholics, ... Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
... and one for friends and family of Substance Abusers. .. Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
I think that sometimes the first one is busier and may get you more responses quickly. I can imagine that you're feeling very conflicted at the moment, so maybe pop your thread in both those places. The folk there will have a lot of experience, strength and hope to offer you, and can hopefully do so real quick, before your resolve weakens or you give yourself a hard time for making this brave and right decision which will protect you and your children.
Wishing you all the best. BB
You are very, very welcome in any area in this site, but I would suggest reposting your original message in the Friends and Family area as well as in this area. There are two....
One for Friends and Family of alcoholics, ... Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
... and one for friends and family of Substance Abusers. .. Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
I think that sometimes the first one is busier and may get you more responses quickly. I can imagine that you're feeling very conflicted at the moment, so maybe pop your thread in both those places. The folk there will have a lot of experience, strength and hope to offer you, and can hopefully do so real quick, before your resolve weakens or you give yourself a hard time for making this brave and right decision which will protect you and your children.
Wishing you all the best. BB
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hello and welcome! I am glad you found us but very sorry for the reasons why.
Meth is an extraordinarily dangerous and addictive drug. Your job is definitely to provide a safe home for your children...brava!!
Your sadness is only natural as addiction is an incredibly awful, sad thing to watch someone else go through. I would agree, however, that the vague hints about suicide are designed to manipulate you into doing what he wants....providing him with a cushy spot to do his meth (your home with your children).
If you think the threat is real, call 911. If he is in danger, he will get the help he needs. If he is bluffing to manipulate you, it will make him think twice before trying that trick again.
Please take very good care of yourself! Sending strength and clarity for the coming days and weeks ahead.
Meth is an extraordinarily dangerous and addictive drug. Your job is definitely to provide a safe home for your children...brava!!
Your sadness is only natural as addiction is an incredibly awful, sad thing to watch someone else go through. I would agree, however, that the vague hints about suicide are designed to manipulate you into doing what he wants....providing him with a cushy spot to do his meth (your home with your children).
If you think the threat is real, call 911. If he is in danger, he will get the help he needs. If he is bluffing to manipulate you, it will make him think twice before trying that trick again.
Please take very good care of yourself! Sending strength and clarity for the coming days and weeks ahead.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
Your children come first. You have done the right thing, the hardest thing, and it's truly impressive.
He may not have much of a future...but you and your children can. That sounds incredibly harsh, but meth addiction doesn't mess around. By getting him out of your home, your kids won't grow up knowing addiction chaos as their normal.
Sending you hopes for peace and clarity. You're a great mom.
He may not have much of a future...but you and your children can. That sounds incredibly harsh, but meth addiction doesn't mess around. By getting him out of your home, your kids won't grow up knowing addiction chaos as their normal.
Sending you hopes for peace and clarity. You're a great mom.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: At the end of the tunnel
Posts: 51
Bowling Beauty,
I originally came to this forum 13 years ago seeking help for my now ex addict husband (he's recovered, thank goodness!). I found much wisdom and support from the folks in the friends and family section. Addicts will go to great lengths to keep their addictions alive and well. You've done the right thing. My ex was extremely angry with me and manipulative. To say he was pissed when I put him out of the house just 4 months after our wedding would be a gross understatement. Today, he will tell you that's what it took for him to finally seek recovery and take it seriously. He's now 12 1/2 years clean and sober and we have a 10 year old son together. Boundaries are absolutely essential in dealing with anyone in active addiction. Excellent job in setting some! There is a ton of support here. Please consider getting yourself and your children to some Alanon meetings; you all need to learn to be healthy despite his choices. Best wishes to you!
I originally came to this forum 13 years ago seeking help for my now ex addict husband (he's recovered, thank goodness!). I found much wisdom and support from the folks in the friends and family section. Addicts will go to great lengths to keep their addictions alive and well. You've done the right thing. My ex was extremely angry with me and manipulative. To say he was pissed when I put him out of the house just 4 months after our wedding would be a gross understatement. Today, he will tell you that's what it took for him to finally seek recovery and take it seriously. He's now 12 1/2 years clean and sober and we have a 10 year old son together. Boundaries are absolutely essential in dealing with anyone in active addiction. Excellent job in setting some! There is a ton of support here. Please consider getting yourself and your children to some Alanon meetings; you all need to learn to be healthy despite his choices. Best wishes to you!
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