tiffanyeagle

2 days today -

August252015

Why the frown? That's two more than you had three days ago! Make this day three. This can be your last start.

What's your plan for today (I mean in all senses, what's your schedule to be busy and not drink)?

Maudcat

Congratulations! Keep going.

MLD51

For me, the only thing that worked was to say once and for all "I will never drink again." I had tried for years to moderate. I would abstain for several days at a time. I would say I'd drink only on weekends, or on "special occasions." It never worked for long. As long as I left that door open, even a tiny crack, I was controlled by my obsession. I'd find myself thinking almost non-stop about when I could drink again. Looking forward to it, and dreading it at the same time. I hated myself - because I felt I was failing at moderation - that I had no self-control. It was ruining my life, bit by bit. So - I drew a line in the sand, got myself checked into treatment, started going to AA, found support here, and became accountable to several people in real life. I found it liberating to surrender to the fact that I can never drink normally, and that the only answer was to never drink again. No - I did not ever plan a relapse once I decided enough was enough. That seems like playing with fire to me. The obsession to drink is gone. It didn't happen right away. It's been a gradual process. Give it a try. The more sober time you get, the easier it gets. If it seems too big to say "never" just go one day at a time. You can do it. If I did it, you can, too.

tiffanyeagle

I'm planning an aa meeting for saturday night and sunday too--- i need to be here and there and not drinking...........weekends are usually when the other tiffany starts in tho . . . . .

bexxed

I did. So many times. I planned "relapse" so often that I was pretty much "relapsing" every day. Because every day I would wake up with some half-assed quasi-resolve to resist drinking and almost every day I would either decide that drinking was actually a wonderful idea, or I'd act off of habit, or I would invent a reason, or some thing, anything, to give that "relapse" a reason. Sometimes I'd find myself on the second drink, shocked that I had picked up the first. Talk about powerlessness.

Maybe all that self loathing and obsessive thinking oddly helps now. Because I'd be a huge liar if I said that I never have a thought about drinking. It pops into my head so fast sometimes I'd think it came from nowhere if I didn't know it came because I'm an alcoholic and I have an addictive mind that invents ideas when I don't take care of my brain by engaging in recovery.

The key is catching it. Kind of like Pokemon. Get that little bastard locked up before it takes off. Get a thought about drinking? Play the tape. What does it look like? Hint: not a beer commercial. That works really well for me now, I don't get more than a few seconds into the thought now, when it happens. At first, it was really hard. So I came here, told on myself, distracted myself, and if all else failed, I told myself I could relapse. Tomorrow. And when tomorrow came, I did the same thing, in the same order, if necessary.

All that drama in your head... for me, it is fading, fast.