Aa-advice on meetings
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 142
Aa-advice on meetings
So by no means am i a newcomer here, but i wont give up until i get this right... i have been seeing a counselor but not sure how much that helps when you see them once a month. I have been tested for possible adult add, which i am pretty sure i will find this is the case. So it is not like i am not trying....just not hard enough unfortunately. I will not re-hash all that i have done wrong in the past couple of weeks but i will admit that i am emotionally and physically exhausted. I have been hesistant to go to my first AA meeting but i cannot put this off anymore. I have picked a meeting tonight however i am looking for advice. What meetings are best for first timers. It seems hard to distinguish. I think personally i am looking for a meeting to just listen and take something away. I am an introvert so the thought of interacting this early would be a deterrant for me (just initially). I appreciateI your input...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Hi, whatcouldbe. Welcome. Just go to a meeting. No one will put the finger on you and ask you to talk. Just go, listen, and soak up the support. I met some of the nicest, most supportive people at AA. Peace.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Individual meetings vary with the group certainly. No one is compelled to speak.
Here is a vey good overview of the program. http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-1_thisisaa1.pdf
It works if ya work it.....good for you on reaching out.
Here is a vey good overview of the program. http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-1_thisisaa1.pdf
It works if ya work it.....good for you on reaching out.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
What,
I went to about a dozen meetings in my 20 months sober.
Imo...it is important to investigate if AA will help you.
What ever works.
It was hard to walk through the door.
I showed up early, watched a few folks walk in and went for it.
Expect some formalities, topical discussion, and emotions.
AA has a proven formula of success.
SR works, but it doesn't have the history yet of AA.
We get some benefits of AA from its members that post here.
Thanks.
I went to about a dozen meetings in my 20 months sober.
Imo...it is important to investigate if AA will help you.
What ever works.
It was hard to walk through the door.
I showed up early, watched a few folks walk in and went for it.
Expect some formalities, topical discussion, and emotions.
AA has a proven formula of success.
SR works, but it doesn't have the history yet of AA.
We get some benefits of AA from its members that post here.
Thanks.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Welcome and great job on deciding to give AA a try. I am one of those for whom it has become a lifeline.
There are different types of meetings and it can be confusing- at some clubhouses (Like the big one I go to) the weekly schedule has a letter code by each meeting that tells you the type.
Personally, I went to mostly "Open Discussion" meetings at first; sometimes a "Beginners Meeting." OD are for anyone. You don't have to be an alcoholic. You don't have to speak (generally, in any type of meeting this is true though sometimes and some meetings "encourage" you). I would say don't be overwhelmed and just sit and listen as others have said. At first, you are just getting to know AA.
I would say that when you hear "90 in 90"- meetings/days- give that plan a thought. I did about 82 meetings in my first sober 90 and it started me on a path to really understanding and working the program.
Good luck!! Let us know how it goes.
There are different types of meetings and it can be confusing- at some clubhouses (Like the big one I go to) the weekly schedule has a letter code by each meeting that tells you the type.
Personally, I went to mostly "Open Discussion" meetings at first; sometimes a "Beginners Meeting." OD are for anyone. You don't have to be an alcoholic. You don't have to speak (generally, in any type of meeting this is true though sometimes and some meetings "encourage" you). I would say don't be overwhelmed and just sit and listen as others have said. At first, you are just getting to know AA.
I would say that when you hear "90 in 90"- meetings/days- give that plan a thought. I did about 82 meetings in my first sober 90 and it started me on a path to really understanding and working the program.
Good luck!! Let us know how it goes.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Virginia
Posts: 1,133
Hi whatcouldbe! There are meetings designated for beginners, as well as speaker meetings in which one person does all the talking by sharing his or her recovery story.
You can check out the table at the left of this page to see all of the different types of meetings and then use Google to find a meeting of a specific type near you:
Meeting List
Good luck and stick around here!
You can check out the table at the left of this page to see all of the different types of meetings and then use Google to find a meeting of a specific type near you:
Meeting List
Good luck and stick around here!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Minneapolis, MN, USA
Posts: 164
congratulations on trying for the next step. I messed around for years trying to do it my way, avoiding AA-But I finally had to admit it wasn't working, and maybe I should give AA another try. I'm happy to say I now have 20 months of contented, honest, happy sobriety and have never felt better, or more in control of my life. Make sure you check out several meetings, to find the one that clicks for you- AA groups vary greatly in their tone and content, and you will find some that turn you off- but you will also find some that really feel right, those are the ones you want to put your time into. Follow your instincts, keep an open mind, and don't necessarily take the first offer for sponsorship your are offered. Get to know the program a bit first, and find a group that feels right for you.
good luck
Eric
good luck
Eric
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Like everyone said, just pick an open meeting and go for it. You don't have to talk. They may ask anyone under 30 days to introduce themselves as a way to get to know you. You don't have to however. I will say that this time I did, and I told the entire group I needed help. And I got it. But I've been to AA a lot so I knew the drill. I knew it was time to get very serious. But that was my choice.
The only way to know if AA is for is to check it out. Just be open and remember, many of the people around you are sober because of the program and because they took a chance and did what was suggested to them.
Good luck.
The only way to know if AA is for is to check it out. Just be open and remember, many of the people around you are sober because of the program and because they took a chance and did what was suggested to them.
Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
What are your choices?
In my opinion, the best meeting to get to would, do be the next one you can get to. Then the next and the next. Try as many different ones as possible and then choose those that you feel most comfortable in.
When you look at the list of meetings you'll see Open and Closed. Open means it's open to both alcoholics, and friends and family and professionals with an interest in alcoholism for whatever reason. Closed means its just for alcoholics. You can go to either.
Some poeple find themselves feeling more comfortable in bigger or smaller meetings, and not always as they'd have expected. Some like to go to mens or women's meetings. Others it's more to do with time or day and area (logistical considerations ). I personally like a mixture of speaker meetings, study meetings (these are a good place to find a sponsor who takes recovery seriously and is solution focussed) and general share meetings.
If you don't like the first meeting you go to, try not to let it put you off. I've been to one or two that I wasn't so keen on. Just try some diffrent ones til you find a good fit. You don't have to register anywhere and you can drop by as many different ones as you like. You'll start to see a lot of the same faces as you go to different meetings in your area. Most people go to a few different ones.
When you've found one that you like and can get to regularly then you can make this your home group. Often, if you tell the group Secretary that this is the case they'll add your sobriety date to a birthdays list.
People are likely to say hi, and ask if you're a newcomer when you first turn up at a meeting where you're unknown. We're a friendly bunch and like to know if we can help in any way. You're likely to be shown where to get a cuppa, and where to find the toilets, and general chitchat before the meeting kicks off. During the meeting no one has to speak if they don't want to. I know some people who never seem to share in meetings. They still get a lot from listening, and from chatting 1 to 1 or in smaller groups before and after the meeting or in the break (if there is one). Honestly, there will be no pressure to speak out. There are sometimes readings that get passed round, each person reading a bit and passing it on (saying "pass" as they do so). If reading is too stressful at first then you can pass it on (still say "pass") without reading. No one will mind.
People of the same gender may give you their number to contact them for support or a chat. It is frowned upon (in my area at least) for men to give women numbers and vice versa. Obviously things can be more complicated than that with gender issues, but the idea is that poeple should be kept safe; contact should be recovery focussed and free from any other interest or agenda; and friendships within the fellowship should not be the cause of any suspicion, jealousy or hurt feelings for our partners, or distract from recovery in any way. We are all quite vulnerable when first coming into recovery. I have personally never come across any predators in the rooms, but it is possible anywhere where there are groups of people after all, so it's worth keeping ourselves safe, and the fellowship as free from complications as possible.
Good luck for your first meetings. I hope you find AA as life changing and helpful as I have done.
Wishing you all the best for your recovery. BB
In my opinion, the best meeting to get to would, do be the next one you can get to. Then the next and the next. Try as many different ones as possible and then choose those that you feel most comfortable in.
When you look at the list of meetings you'll see Open and Closed. Open means it's open to both alcoholics, and friends and family and professionals with an interest in alcoholism for whatever reason. Closed means its just for alcoholics. You can go to either.
Some poeple find themselves feeling more comfortable in bigger or smaller meetings, and not always as they'd have expected. Some like to go to mens or women's meetings. Others it's more to do with time or day and area (logistical considerations ). I personally like a mixture of speaker meetings, study meetings (these are a good place to find a sponsor who takes recovery seriously and is solution focussed) and general share meetings.
If you don't like the first meeting you go to, try not to let it put you off. I've been to one or two that I wasn't so keen on. Just try some diffrent ones til you find a good fit. You don't have to register anywhere and you can drop by as many different ones as you like. You'll start to see a lot of the same faces as you go to different meetings in your area. Most people go to a few different ones.
When you've found one that you like and can get to regularly then you can make this your home group. Often, if you tell the group Secretary that this is the case they'll add your sobriety date to a birthdays list.
People are likely to say hi, and ask if you're a newcomer when you first turn up at a meeting where you're unknown. We're a friendly bunch and like to know if we can help in any way. You're likely to be shown where to get a cuppa, and where to find the toilets, and general chitchat before the meeting kicks off. During the meeting no one has to speak if they don't want to. I know some people who never seem to share in meetings. They still get a lot from listening, and from chatting 1 to 1 or in smaller groups before and after the meeting or in the break (if there is one). Honestly, there will be no pressure to speak out. There are sometimes readings that get passed round, each person reading a bit and passing it on (saying "pass" as they do so). If reading is too stressful at first then you can pass it on (still say "pass") without reading. No one will mind.
People of the same gender may give you their number to contact them for support or a chat. It is frowned upon (in my area at least) for men to give women numbers and vice versa. Obviously things can be more complicated than that with gender issues, but the idea is that poeple should be kept safe; contact should be recovery focussed and free from any other interest or agenda; and friendships within the fellowship should not be the cause of any suspicion, jealousy or hurt feelings for our partners, or distract from recovery in any way. We are all quite vulnerable when first coming into recovery. I have personally never come across any predators in the rooms, but it is possible anywhere where there are groups of people after all, so it's worth keeping ourselves safe, and the fellowship as free from complications as possible.
Good luck for your first meetings. I hope you find AA as life changing and helpful as I have done.
Wishing you all the best for your recovery. BB
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
An what is referred to as an Open Meeting would be good.
If you don't want to when they ask for newcomers to introduce themselves --
you need not respond.
I think you will enjoy the meeting.
M-Bob
If you don't want to when they ask for newcomers to introduce themselves --
you need not respond.
I think you will enjoy the meeting.
M-Bob
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 142
I did it. I am proud of this step, it has taken me YEARS to take that step. It was overwhelming but powerful to hear i am not alone in my feelings and reaction to alcohol. I am already looking for my next meeting....
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
I'm so pleased that you pushed through the anxiety and went anyway. I hope there's another soon. It's best to keep the momentum up.
I also found the speaker recordings pretty helpful, esp between meetings and at my most difficult times of day (which for me was my commutes, as they were a long time sitting in traffic and gave me a horrible amount of brooding time that was just right for working myself up into a state of rage, self-pity or anxiety that would then be hard to get out of.) I bought myself a cheap little mp3 player online, and downloaded speakers onto that so I could keep a nice easy to administer dose of AA in my bag for whenever I needed one.
This site has thousands of speaker recordings organised by steps or speaker, and is completely free.. 5500+ AA Speakers & Tapes - Organized & Mobile-Friendly!
I also found the speaker recordings pretty helpful, esp between meetings and at my most difficult times of day (which for me was my commutes, as they were a long time sitting in traffic and gave me a horrible amount of brooding time that was just right for working myself up into a state of rage, self-pity or anxiety that would then be hard to get out of.) I bought myself a cheap little mp3 player online, and downloaded speakers onto that so I could keep a nice easy to administer dose of AA in my bag for whenever I needed one.
This site has thousands of speaker recordings organised by steps or speaker, and is completely free.. 5500+ AA Speakers & Tapes - Organized & Mobile-Friendly!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by whatcouldbe 
I did it. I am proud of this step, it has taken me YEARS to take that step. It was overwhelming but powerful to hear i am not alone in my feelings and reaction to alcohol. I am already looking for my next meeting....
at your next meeting it would be wise to see if they have the big book for sale and get a copy to read. first 164 pages are the program.after that personal stories.
good stuff in that book
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