Water441

"If I could control this, I would have by now."

I thought work finding out was my sure fire way to getting control of this. My "rock bottom" - Take my anti cravings meds, drink in moderation and only socially. Never at work again. But I did. Because I can't drink moderately without eventually binging.

And now I'm on leave, in rehab, with one last chance at work. And this phrase might be the strongest and simplest statement of fact I can repeat. I stopped thinking about the loss of the social ease by having "one" with my friends so it won't be awkward. Now I just don't drink. Today I don't drink, I pray tomorrow will be the same. If I could control this, I would have by now.

ChloeRose63

You've got it! Keep getting better and keep posting. I will be here if you need to write to someone. ♡CR

FLCamper

I'm glad you've found something that resonates with you. You're pretty fortunate to have an employer giving you another chance. Keep us updated on your progress.

Water441

Very fortunate! Very fortunate to get sober before starting a family. Very fortunate to be feeling the "acceptance" part this time instead of just being dry-drunk.

shortstop81

SO so true.

I used to control my drinking by doing anything OTHER than recovery work to try and mitigate it. I started new fitness regimes, new volunteer opportunities, re-commitments to old hobbies, etc. In other words, I tried to use external activities to curb my drinking.

Predictably, this never worked. I drank anyway and I'd feel even more guilty because it'd get in the way the above commitments.

The fact is, is the only way I can 'control' this is by dealing with the issue in a direct manner and do the internal work.

entropy1964

Good for you! That one day at a time thing can sound really empty....or it can be really meaningful. For me its meaningful. Today I can do this.

You truly are fortunate (me too btw) and staying in that gratitude, even when ya wanna wallow in pity, is really important. For me where there is gratitude, resentment has a harder time taking over.

And YES. Starting a family sober? PRICELESS. That is one thing you will never regret. Alcoholism is the gift that keeps on giving. You can spare your kids the learning of that trait.

Hey and access to the internet in rehab? That's pretty cool too!. Have a great day and so happy for you.

MLD51

That was a phrase that resonated with me, also. I finally accepted I could not control it, and never would be able to. There is no "social drinking" for me. There is only getting drunk. It's so much easier to begin a recovery program that will work when you just accept that fact. I don't drink. Ever.

Water441

Day rehab! So you can practice at home.

kintsugi

This is what I realized as well. There isn't a 'if I'm good for x amount of days, I can have one or two here and there as long as I'm careful.'

I'm at a point now where I don't want one here or there because I know what I WANT to feel like after a drink (or what I expect to get out of drinking) is very different than the reality of what actually happens when I drink. There are many more impactful ways I can deal with things.

Conquest

Thank you for posting that great reminder. Wishing you health and success!

Also adding a phrase that hit home for me... Talking to my therapist about how I'd tried food, sleep, exercise, alcohol to excess to combat depression during a particularly rough time... He gently responded, "And it never worked, did it?" No. Drinking never works.

SR support does work! Keep at it, friends!

Soberwolf

Keep up the good work Water

tufty13

So, so true.

I saw myself coming round so many times.

Long periods of abstinence followed by longer periods of drinking followed by long periods of drinking excessively.

More cycles like that than the Tour of France.

It wasn't untill I acknowledged the truth that I wasn't controlling alcohol, it was alcohol that was controlling me, that I decided to give it up for good.

Well done for applying the breaks for good. :-)

Notimetoloose

Love that...the mental manipulations and dribble we tell ourselves just to have a drink and you would think that would be the giveaway...

Delilah1

Tufty, your "more cycles than the Tour de France," made e laugh and cringe at the same time, I could have said the same.

Water, sounds like things are going really well. How long is your program? Do you have a plan of support through work for after?