Day 1
 

I usually just read the posts but I think I better be more involved. I'm on Day 1. Again. The most sober time I've ever had was 2 years. Lately I've been struggling with major family problems, I overextended myself & forgot about me. I also have depression & anxiety issues. I have no health insurance. When I have done well in recovery I lived in a big city with lots of meetings & I had insurance. Now I live in a rural area with much less meetings. I have isolated myself to try & keep the anxiety down.

I haven't left my bed for 3-4 days. I'm gross. I think I took a shower a week ago. My hair is a matted mess. My puke bucket is beside the bed. I'm waiting for my husband to come home. I have no clue what his reaction will be. When he came home yesterday & found me drunk again - he went ballistic...called me every name in the book. I pleaded with him to stop yelling at me. It was not helping. I think I ate 2 days ago...I've been drinking water & took some Immodian. I just can't physically or mentally leave this room. I did find a women's mtg one town over. I really need some women sober support.

Just wanted to stop in & say hello. I'm still pretty shaky but I feel a better than last night. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. I dread facing my husband. He's going to be very upset that I'm still in bed. I've tried explaining my alcohol use to him but he doesn't get it. Sorry for my pity party.

Sending you a hug...small steps? Maybe try a shower?

You have the answer, you know that...

Welcome Pebbles.
I'm so sorry that you are going through this.
So glad you reached out to talk with us.:grouphug:
Even though it seems like things are hopeless, there's always hope.
I'm sure some folks that know more about treatment will come along to give you some advice.
So glad you are here.

Calm
 

You can stop the Beast that is your addiction right now. Stay with us. You never have to feel sick again. Stop now. I, and many others here have been right where you are and we stopped. You will too because you want it more then anything else.

hi pebbles

thanks for your courageous post

it helped me

thats what this thing is about

one alcoholic helping another

:tyou

Hi Pebbles. You do know you don't have to live like that, right? I know sometimes in our heads sobriety just seems like it's too much work...but it's not. It's not nearly as bad as we make it out to be. The addiction will always come after us saying "I'm tougher than you, I'm bigger than you, and I'm stronger than you", but it's a lie. Don't buy in. You know how to do this.

I've been right there, Pebbles. You can't think clearly right now because you feel like dog guts. You have anxiety through the roof, you are probably sore and tired but can't sleep, can't eat, can't get up. Total suckiness.

If you feel like you need to, get medical attention. Some ER's are better with substance withdrawal than others, but going "cold turkey" at home, can be dangerous and can be tricky. Just work on getting through the withdrawal period and tell hubby the best he can do is maybe just leave you alone for awhile. It will take a few days, but then will come some food and a shower.

Quick prayer for you!

Good job Pebbles

Hi Pebbles,

Oh love, it sounds like you're in a pretty rough place. As Aries mentioned, starting small with a shower might help a lot. Maybe sit outside for a few minutes and grab a little sunshine and fresh air.

While I understand your husband feeling hurt or defeated (loving someone with an addiction isn't always fun), I could never imagine name calling in this situation. That sounds so hurtful and unhelpful. I'm sorry that happened.

Lots of love. Please keep posting and let us know how things are going.

Payers, P. Don't drink. HALTS(ad). Shower? Eat? Doctor- detox with med/supervision.

Survived yesterday. Still no shower (yuck!) I was worried about falling. Called an old friend & talked for 2 hrs about all the family problems going on. Can't keep trying to save everyone before myself. No sleep last night. Stayed on SR reading. Ate a tiny bit this morning. Cleaned a tiny bit. Suppose I could go shovel out my car that is buried but I might scare the neighbors! Full face hat? I guess I should at least start it. Going to try & dig out my RR book...check out the Crash Course on AVRT. I'm not wild about AA but I do like the fact that I don't feel so alone. Christmas plans have changed...it will just be my husband & I - I just can't deal with other people's messes right now. Must. Get. In. The. Shower!

Hi and welcome Pebbles.
Something small to eat, and a shower, used to work wonders for me.

Time to rejoin the world :)

D

Glad to hear you made it through the night pebbles.

A shower might well make you feel better. It certainly helps me (a bath - even better!). I also found sugary things helped me alot those first few days. That and little bites of 'proper' food.

Take it easy, hope you feel better soon.
B

So glad to read your positive words! You are doing it.

Hi Pebbles. Hope you got your shower :) - and that you're beginning to feel better. It's so good to have you here with us.

Hi Pebbles,

Hope you are feeling better tonight. I am with several others on the small steps. I'm glad you are putting yourself first and choosing to spend Christmas with just your husband.

Sending lots of positive energy your way!

Much, much better today! Showered !!!!!! Changed all the bedding....wrapped some gifts, ate some food.
Spending lots of time reading though SR...nice & quiet here without the constant interruptions & phone calls for help! Should be a peaceful Christmas! Going to miss not having grandchild here but I'll see him soon! Don't miss the parents!

That's great news! Glad you are feeling better. Try not to get stressed. I always think about what I have to do at times like that and then ask myself, how I can simplify it and eliminate anxiety from it.

:hug:

Like in lots of situations...the two days that count are the first and the last. The last with alcoholism, the first with your new life. You can do it.