Just plain hurt and confused!

Old 12-21-2016, 10:43 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2016
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Unhappy Just plain hurt and confused!

How do I make a super long story short? Okay so first off I dated this guy for two years from 18 years old to 20. We broke up here and there, but he was my first love. We always had arguments about his behavior and I once caught him snorting pain killers in his bathroom and obviously called him out. We broke up many a time due to me "mommying" him as he would say. Anyways he broke up with me for the last time on my sisters wedding day (awful I know) and started dating another girl within weeks, probably to fill the void. They dated for a year.. and then him and I started talking again this year in August. He told me he loved me, wanted to be with me and that I was and will always be "the one". However he said he wanted to stay with his current girlfriend until we graduated when he was ready for a serious serious relationship. Here comes the drug use. He had been selling and taking cocaine, Xanax, opiates and marijuana the entire time. He had unreal mood swings, wanted me one day and then hated and yelled at me the next. It has been five months of I love you, and then him saying I hate you. So last week he got into a car accident and got a dui. He called me from jail (and I'm the only one he called since he broke up with his gf the week before). I was 100% there for him when no one else was. The difference between me and her is she is a "yes" girl, she doesn't call him out for his misbehavior bwcause she's scared to lose him whereas I do for his well being. Fast workers to today and he's been in detox for a week and is headed to rehab out of state tomorrow. He got back together with his girlfriend four days ago... literally two weeks after he asked me out too but I told him he needed to get his act together first and then I would. I talked to him for the first time in a week on the phone today and he couldn't have been meaner. He simply said "you are my EX why are you calling?" Even though we've been talking for months and I've caught him when he fell at least twenty times whether he was too sick on the drugs or drinking. I just feel so used. I can't believe he would treat me like so when I've been nothing but there for him. He acted like he didn't even know me and then hungup the phone. I guess I'm just looking for some justification for his answers as I feel so insecure right now about his actions and my reaction.
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Old 12-21-2016, 11:07 PM
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Hi and welcome beachbum

I have to be honest - there doesn't seem like there's much in this relationship for you.

Some of us get pretty adept at using people.

You deserve better, I think?

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Old 12-21-2016, 11:36 PM
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Do your best
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Welcome BB
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Old 12-21-2016, 11:41 PM
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Welcome bb. You deserve better than a man who has you and someone else. He will continue to treat you badly and with no respect as long as you allow himbto. I would cut all contact and work on my self worth and self respect.

I don't think this is even a substance abuse problem he just sounds an awful person. Some people are just nasty with or without drugs or drink

You're very young. Please don't go through life allowing men to treat you like this. You deserve so much better.
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Old 12-21-2016, 11:52 PM
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Thanks for your encouraging words! I know I deserve much better. It's just hard when you have so much love for someone who shows you love and hate at the same time. If he calls me from rehab, I plan on not answering. It's time to move on for the last time. The fact we spoke on the phone today and he pretended he didn't even know me even though we've pretty much been together these last few months is mind blowing. Thanks for your help
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Old 12-22-2016, 03:00 AM
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Welcome Beachbum,

I sorry that he treated you the way he did. As hard as it may be, sounds like it is time for you to move on. You definitely deserve better.
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Old 12-22-2016, 03:34 AM
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sober style
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This guy sounds like a total no-account. You should drop him like a hot potato and never look back.
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Old 12-22-2016, 03:41 AM
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Addicts are not emotionally available. Sounds like he's struggling to stay clean or even wanting to stay clean - often people do the bare minimum in recovery to get the court or family off their back, but it's just a very expensive and heart break facade. They have no intention of getting clean or sober. Possibly that's what's happening here. Obviously as active addict will always prefer to be with an enabler and that's what his new girlfriend is. To be honest it sounds like you dodged a bullet with this guy.

It might be worth you double posting this thread so that it's in the Friends and Family area(s) as well (see links below). There are people there with a wealth of experience, strength and hope that they can offer you. Also, it may be worth going along to some AlAnon or NarAnon meetings in your area and learning more about how to grow past, and learn from, this painful experience.

Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Wishing you peace and serenity.
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Old 12-22-2016, 04:39 AM
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What a prince. I'm sorry.

You know, at some point it doesn't really matter why he's doing what he's doing...drugs, no drugs, intentionally, not doesn't change the fact that he has treated you horribly and doesn't deserve to be in your life.

Hold your head high, be glad you dodged a bullet, and move on.
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Old 12-22-2016, 05:44 AM
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Well, he's an addict. Can't count on them for anything. Walk away and don't look back. You have just been given a great gift. Life without an addict in it.peace.
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Old 12-22-2016, 01:55 PM
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As hard as it is to let go, you'd be doing yourself a great favor to do so. Drugs or not, this guy isn't for you. You may never have an answer to your questions about why, or what if, but you've dodged a bullet to be out of this relationship. No relationship is worth your peace of mind or self esteem.
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