Oh boy!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Oh boy!
Approximately 5 or 6 years ago I was a regular here at SR.
I didn't drink for nearly 9 years.
About 18 mos ago I started again and while usually manageable it's increasingly not. I'm depressed. I'm drinking. I hate Christmas. And I frequently feel as though there is something really wrong with me.
I didn't drink for nearly 9 years.
About 18 mos ago I started again and while usually manageable it's increasingly not. I'm depressed. I'm drinking. I hate Christmas. And I frequently feel as though there is something really wrong with me.
Last edited by Rowan; 12-19-2016 at 04:44 PM. Reason: Typo
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by Rowan 
I hate Christmas. And I frequently feel as though there is something really wrong with me.
You know it works,
if you work it.
Good luck,
M-Bob
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 847
I won't bore you with my story, but I can say that this thing does not go away, no matter how long you've been off the drink. It might take a while, even a couple years, but it just insidiously gathers steam, until eventually, you can't ignore the reality any longer.
I now tend to believe that the lucky ones get hooked or crash right away, because they learn this "law" much sooner, and don't waste nearly as much time in between. There is no way out of the game except out for good.
You know what you have to do.
What is your plan?
I now tend to believe that the lucky ones get hooked or crash right away, because they learn this "law" much sooner, and don't waste nearly as much time in between. There is no way out of the game except out for good.
You know what you have to do.
What is your plan?
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Welcome back! It's so good to see you again.
I remember you very well and all the support you offered to our members.
I'm sorry to that you're drinking again but I know that you can stop.
I remember you very well and all the support you offered to our members.
I'm sorry to that you're drinking again but I know that you can stop.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Welcome back, Rowan. I know how it feels. I found myself in the swamp again after 18 years sober.
I'm back sober after a tumultuous few years of dancing with the Devil again. I hope you stick with us and keep posting - it worked before, right?
I'm back sober after a tumultuous few years of dancing with the Devil again. I hope you stick with us and keep posting - it worked before, right?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,036
Welcome back Rowan!! I joined SR in 2012, and spent three years fluctuating between periods of sobriety, and failed attempts at moderation. I will have one year on Ja Haryana 1st, and this site is the biggest part of y recovery.
Looking forward to seeing you on here!
Looking forward to seeing you on here!
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Hi Rowan, welcome back!
I didn't have near the time you had sober but I relapsed, and coming back here last May and seeing familiar names helped so much.
Your post is a very powerful message. There may be many paths walked once we start drinking again. Some may be short and some may be long but, they all lead back to the same destination.
Again, so glad you're back here!
I didn't have near the time you had sober but I relapsed, and coming back here last May and seeing familiar names helped so much.
Your post is a very powerful message. There may be many paths walked once we start drinking again. Some may be short and some may be long but, they all lead back to the same destination.
Again, so glad you're back here!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 83
Welcome, I am pretty new here. 9 years sober is a superb achievement and I have a lot of respect for both the fact that you achieved that and the fact that you have come back here with such honesty.
Part of the reason that I am here now is that I kept a bit of journal during the year. I wasn't sure how much i drank or what effect it had on me. I used to drink far more and far more regularly than in these last years. So in my mind I had become moderate. My journal revealed that, whilst the volumes and frequency are not what they were in my 20's, I go through cycles of a bit of abstinence, then a bit of moderation, then a bit of excess and finally some kind of horror session, then back to a bit of abstinence. It takes a few weeks to go right through the pattern as a rule.
Anyway, I learned that my moderation is only moderate compared to my previous massive excesses, not compared real moderate drinkers.
I don't know what the future will hold for me but for now, I have realised that I am actually dreadful at moderating so giving abstinence a fair chance!
Best wishes and respect to you for coming back.
Part of the reason that I am here now is that I kept a bit of journal during the year. I wasn't sure how much i drank or what effect it had on me. I used to drink far more and far more regularly than in these last years. So in my mind I had become moderate. My journal revealed that, whilst the volumes and frequency are not what they were in my 20's, I go through cycles of a bit of abstinence, then a bit of moderation, then a bit of excess and finally some kind of horror session, then back to a bit of abstinence. It takes a few weeks to go right through the pattern as a rule.
Anyway, I learned that my moderation is only moderate compared to my previous massive excesses, not compared real moderate drinkers.
I don't know what the future will hold for me but for now, I have realised that I am actually dreadful at moderating so giving abstinence a fair chance!
Best wishes and respect to you for coming back.
I remember you very well. Glad you're back and ready to work on recovery again. 
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,062
Welcome back Rowan! From my experience, the only thing really wrong with me was my drinking. Sobriety makes everything so much better! Even when times are rough; not drinking is the way to be. Glad you are posting again. Get rid of the alcohol and get some rest.
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