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Hello all. Today marks day two of sobriety. I have been here several times before. Day 4 is the hardest for me.
A little backstory. I have 2 children and I was a single mom. As they got older, and I gained a little more freedom, the drinks flowed freer. A few tragedies later and before I know it, I'm drinking 4-5 days a week.
I then met my husband and became pregnant again. I drank the night I found out that I was pregnant, with the rationale of "well, what If I hadn't taken the test yet and didn't know?"
Ridiculous. I abstained from alcohol completely during the entire pregnancy, with great ease too.
After the baby was born (not breastfeeding)
I started drinking 1 time a week. By the time baby was 5 mos old..it was 1-2 times a week, 3 times a week by 6 mos old, and now at ten mos old, 4-5 times a week.
I NEVER drank during the day nor have I ever had that urge. I only drank after the kids went to bed. From 8-12 I'd easily down 10-12 drinks.
I can have a small bottle with few repercussions, however, when I drink more than 2x a week, that small bottle just doesn't cut it, so I get two. My husband HATES when I crack that second bottle. I turn into an ugly, and MEAN person. I have said horrible things about his daughter, his family, him, threaten to divorce him and a plethora of other crazy things that I DO NOT MEAN at all!
This last Saturday- my husband told me- enough is enough. He's right, and I know it. I can go 1-3 days without drinking, and immediately feel better. Play more with my kids, clean more and am all around more pleasant. Day four hits, and I feel great and think "I've got this!" And I give into temptation. "Just one bottle" I say, and justify to my husband. That next day I feel poorly until noon then I'm fine. That night, I remember all the "fun" I had and want to do it again, and then the cycle continues.
I just want to be able to drink once a week, and be satisfied with that.
Anyway, that's how it's been for me. Any thoughts, advice,
Help etc would be greatly appreciated! Thanks

Welcome to SR. Lots of support here and we all can relate to your story. Keep posting and reading the posts so that you may understand that sobriety is our focus. Glad you found us.

Thank u.
I should have said "I wish I could only drink one time per week, but I don't think that is going to help long term"
My focus,
Too, is complete sobriety.
Now, I need to find other things to do in the evening to keep me occupied. I find it hard to fall asleep, and my mood dips drastically between 7-10 when I know the liquor store will be closing soon but I don't have any.
I haven't been taking very good care of myself either. Is there a thread here on daily things we should all be doing? Or should it just be common sense? Lol. Sometimes it's easy to slack on basic self care.

Saro,

Day 4 is when the crave hits because booze is out of your system.

If you made it 9 months, you can stop for life.

After a week, it is all in your brain.

Saying it is all mental is not really accurate.

It takes time for the dopamine in the brain to normalize.

Not really sure how long....but I feel very weak craves at 19 months.

They are there, but I love sobriety and...thanks to SR...know the repercussions of ever drinking again.

No way. Never again.

Thanks.

The nine months was easy. I had a completely different focus. I had a child growing inside me and completely dependant on me for healthy growth. i didn't get any cravings at all.
I didn't know that about day 4. No wonder it's the hardest for me. Any suggestions?

Hi Sarowyn, good to meet you. I completely identify with your comment, "I just want to be able to drink once a week, and be satisfied with that."

Problem for me is that it's not workable given my desire to drink isn't stable, rather it steadily increases once I start. Sure that first time or two I can easily stop at a half a glass or whole glass, but after a while I want two, then three, then a drink (or three) every night.

It isn't until I stop drinking and have some sobriety under my belt that all this comes into focus. The Alcoholism is strong with me...sorry, silly Star Wars pun. :)

Moderating drinking for alcoholics is not possible. I think most of us here have tried moderation with a determined effort. And, most of us have failed miserably. Stopping drinking is really much easier than moderating. Your mind will then be free of the obsession to drink.

Days 3/4 are tough to get through, and the early weeks are often emotional and difficult. My advice for getting through the early days is to change your routine. When do you normally drink? Make a specific plan to be doing something else at that time, hopefully to distract you for a bit. And, it's good to keep in mind that stopping drinking isn't the end of the problem. We usually need to work on the underlying issues that caused our addiction.

I hope you continue to read and post and have faith that you can do this.

^yes! I am the same way! It steadily increases for me too.
It is NEVER a glass or two for me. I buy the smaller bottle and don't stop til it's gone. I believe it's 750 ml. It gets me to the point where I "want" to be but nothing crazy. The issue is when that bottle doesn't do it anymore, and I crack open that second one.
Then all hell breaks loose, ugh.

Hi Sarowyn,

Welcome to Sober Recovery (SR). You have joined a wonderful group of supporting and caring people.

I am currently 89 days sober and am grateful to SR and its members for getting me through some very difficult days early on in my recovery.

Please read through the various topics in the forum and continue to ask questions... members are quick to share their own experiences and tools for success.

A couple of things to consider:

You did not mention if you have considered any type of support program to help deal with your drinking... there are many to consider: Alcoholics Anonymous, Rational Recovery, and SMART to name a few.
Over my various periods of sobriety, I have used the three above and have learned many valuable techniques and tools to help me get sober.

You mentioned urges...most of us deal with urges at various stages and times during our recovery. SMART recovery has some very powerful tools that deal with many stages of recovery.. One of them clearly addresses urges.....
I have learned that urges have a very clearly defined pattern
Triggers lead to cravings which lead to urges.

Triggers are things that "trigger" some fond reminder of drinking.. they can be smells, sights, things, places and even people.
Cravings tend to be a desire to drink .. I want that xxx drink.
Urges take on a strong desire to drink...often with even physical effects.

I have a "mantra" for urges...
- urges will pass... really... initially they often seem uncontrollable
-urges CANNOT make you drink
-urges CANNOT hurt you...while they may make you uncomfortable

You are in control...

I wish you the best through your sober journey and life....

Snarly

Welcome Sarowyn. I'm at 60 days. In the early days I had to find something new to drink, something non-alcoholic that I would like. Took a little research. For example I don't drink coke much anymore because to me that always had rum in it. I needed something entirely different and now drink the fruity carbonated drinks.

As with pretty much everyone else here I wanted to be able to moderate my drinking and hung on to the idea that I would drink again "one day". All that did was make me obsess about it until I finally caved and drank way more than I had intended. Only by finally deciding that I will never drink again did the obsession go away. It seemed so scary to admit that I could never drink again - it's like saying goodbye to a best friend - but once I did that life has become so much easier.

The thought of never drinking again panicks me! How will anytning ever be fun again?!

I went to an AA meeting a few years back and it wasn't for me. It was very religion based and I'm atheist.
I found it challenging to grt around that.
I went to a recovery group called Changes..I need to dig out my folder from that and reread all the tips etc.

Hi!!

Maybe you could get pregnant again? Just kidding! You are in the right place. Keep reading and posting!

Welcome Saroyn

I'm curious about this "fun" you are afraid you will be missing out on. In your initial post you wrote,:

Is that the fun you are talking about? The four hours a night you drink when your kids are in bed?

Fill me in on the fun you're having. Or is it the just the fun of getting drunk that you'll miss?

welcome!!

:)

I'm glad you realise your fist statement is pretty much untenable Sarowyn- for me once I introduced alcohol into my sytem all my good intent went out the window.

I tried for twenty years to be that guy who drank like a gentleman - I realise now it was futile - I had *never* drunk that way - I always drank to get wasted.

Everybody worries about what life might be like sober. There is change, and a lot of it, for most of us, but I can only reassure it's been a miraculous change for me :)

I've never been this happy in my adult life - and all I had to do to start that journey was put down the bottle.

D

Hi, youve a lot of great advice and i can only agree that abstinence is far easier than moderation.
When i previously gave up I thought there would be no fun but my life was actually many many times more rewarding and fun than when drinking. Its the AV making you think about no fun and i can honestly say its being deceitful.

Realizing that my kids are completely dependant on me for healthy growth really helped me. Although they are no longer in my body, they still need me just as much. They need me to be present, not hung over the next day. What if one of them got sick at night and needed me? Or even worse, needed to be taken to the hospital and I was too smashed to take them?

Things will be fun again. Don't let the 'fun' of alcohol deceive you. It isn't real. It isn't fun to be turned into a nasty person that you aren't when you're sober. It isn't fun to be out of control.

With support, you can quit!

It's so good to have you join us, Sarowyn.

I also worried about missing out on the fun & excitement that drinking used to be. By the time I quit it was all about getting numb. I drank so I wouldn't shake or get ill. That's what happens when alcoholism goes untreated. Drinking turned me into a hyper-sensitive, confrontational wreck. I avoided facing the truth for decades. I'm very glad you are taking action now. You can do it!

Great discussion.