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SoberLifeForMe 12-17-2016 03:03 PM

Feeling Overwhelmed
 
I'm feeling overwhelmed with life these days. I know that, in large part, it's due to my drinking. The wife and I just had a chat. I haven't been keeping up on things around the house. When I drink, I have absolutely no motivation to do anything, so things just remain undone. Then I detox after yet another bender and am out of sorts for another three or four days. It's hard to fathom the total selfishness of my behavior when I drink.

When I have a week or two of sobriety, things start to change. I wake up earlier, don't stay up all night drinking, and have more energy and motivation to actually do things around the house. I feel good about life, in general, when sober. I need sobriety to stick this time. I want to be an engaged father and husband. I don't want to feel overwhelmed, unmotivated, and sick any longer. I want to be sober more than I want to drink (which, right now, is none with the withdrawals; but I know the urge will return at some point).

Almost done with day two. Just another few hours. I've made it to 18 days twice since January. The longest I've gone without drinking in maybe 20+ years is 33 days, about 6 1/2 years ago. That was done out of guilt for some very horrible and dangerous drunken behavior. Pathetic. This time, as much as I'm struggling, I'm actually trying to get sober because I desire it. I need the calm back in my life. More plainly, I just need my life back, period. This recurring nightmare has gone on long enough.

Have a peaceful, sober remainder of your weekend, everyone.

Dee74 12-17-2016 03:07 PM

Life had a way of being less and less complicated for me the longer I stayed in recovery. I'm sure you'll find that too Soberlifeforme :)

D

biminiblue 12-17-2016 03:07 PM

You sound good, SLFM.

One step at a time, you're going to start feeling better and better. Keep looking forward.

jeffrey542016 12-17-2016 03:14 PM


Originally Posted by SoberLifeForMe (Post 6249360)
I'm feeling overwhelmed with life these days. I know that, in large part, it's due to my drinking. The wife and I just had a chat. I haven't been keeping up on things around the house. When I drink, I have absolutely no motivation to do anything, so things just remain undone. Then I detox after yet another bender and am out of sorts for another three or four days. It's hard to fathom the total selfishness of my behavior when I drink.

When I have a week or two of sobriety, things start to change. I wake up earlier, don't stay up all night drinking, and have more energy and motivation to actually do things around the house. I feel good about life, in general, when sober. I need sobriety to stick this time. I want to be an engaged father and husband. I don't want to feel overwhelmed, unmotivated, and sick any longer. I want to be sober more than I want to drink (which, right now, is none with the withdrawals; but I know the urge will return at some point).

Almost done with day two. Just another few hours. I've made it to 18 days twice since January. The longest I've gone without drinking in maybe 20+ years is 33 days, about 6 1/2 years ago. That was done out of guilt for some very horrible and dangerous drunken behavior. Pathetic. This time, as much as I'm struggling, I'm actually trying to get sober because I desire it. I need the calm back in my life. More plainly, I just need my life back, period. This recurring nightmare has gone on long enough.

Have a peaceful, sober remainder of your weekend, everyone.

hey u..keep your head up,it's this struggle that makes us stronger.this sh... Sucks but I wanted and sounds like you want it as well,so you have a peacful. Sober weekend.

24hrsAday 12-17-2016 03:16 PM

Things had to get REALLY Bad for me before i got Serious about my sobriety... i hope you are ready.
i was "on the fence" with my drinking too many times... and it never really got any better until i completely surrendered to the fact it was killing me..

SoberLifeForMe 12-17-2016 03:26 PM

Thanks all. 24, It's painful to admit it, but I know deep down that I've been on the fence for a while, too. Having my wife calmly talk to me about all that I'm neglecting for the family both helped and hurt, but it was necessary. Sometimes hearing the hard truth is the most powerful way to motivate change in our lives. I've thought about our chat over and over in the hour or so since we talked, and she is 100% correct.

I like myself so much better when I'm sober. I need to climb down off this fence and be the man my family needs me to be. No looking back or desiring the good times I used to have with alcohol, which truthfully, haven't been good for many, many years, anyway.

PhoenixJ 12-17-2016 03:31 PM

Being just a little dramatic here, LFME-if you truly believe your avatar then take heed. I was you- once. Supportive family, awareness of what I needed to do- which I rationalised as what I could do. Now I have no family- they don't want me, no career- alcohol, no house- not welcome- divorce- selling up. I am quite literally starting over. Embrace your knowledge now and do something about it- while you still have your life. Prayers to you, PJ

Algorithm 12-17-2016 03:33 PM


Originally Posted by SoberLifeForMe (Post 6249360)
I want to be sober more than I want to drink (which, right now, is none with the withdrawals; but I know the urge will return at some point).

Be very careful what you wish for. You would like the desire to drink to go away, or possibly, for the pain of drinking to escalate to the point where it overwhelms your desire to drink, and motivates you not to drink.

I don't think that's what you really want, though, because it could get really painful before that happens, and as you likely know from previous experience, that won't necessarily make it stick for long.


Originally Posted by SoberLifeForMe (Post 6249360)
More plainly, I just need my life back, period. This recurring nightmare has gone on long enough.

Have you considered ending the nightmare despite any desire? That is, quitting drinking for good, even though you may -- possibly as soon as this latest 'detox' is over -- want to drink more than you want to be sober?

SoberLifeForMe 12-17-2016 03:42 PM

PJ, I read your story last night. So sorry for your situation, but your perseverance is inspiring. Thank you for your comments.

Algorithm, I don't think my desire to drink will ever fully go away. Obviously, I hope it diminishes and becomes more manageable, but I'm coming to terms with the idea that I'll always have to actively battle some level of urges. And I'm okay with that now. I wasn't always. Thanks for your thoughtful questions.

Algorithm 12-17-2016 04:02 PM


Originally Posted by SoberLifeForMe (Post 6249414)
Algorithm, I don't think my desire to drink will ever fully go away.

That's a good starting point. More than one has gone back to drinking simply because they believed, or hoped, otherwise.


Originally Posted by SoberLifeForMe (Post 6249414)
Obviously, I hope it diminishes and becomes more manageable, but I'm coming to terms with the idea that I'll always have to actively battle some level of urges.

Why do you think it will be an active battle? It doesn't have to be a battle, if you accept it as normal for you, given your history.


Originally Posted by SoberLifeForMe (Post 6249414)
And I'm okay with that now. I wasn't always. Thanks for your thoughtful questions.

This is a good attitude, but it can become something that just comes and goes, but which has no effect, and which can't hurt you, just like many other desires.

SoberLifeForMe 12-17-2016 04:33 PM

Maybe "active battle" wasn't the right terminology. I just meant that some level of urges will likely always come and go. Yes, I definitely need to accept that. Not easy, but I'm working on it.

thomas11 12-17-2016 04:49 PM

You said something in your OP that is encouraging. You like being sober, you like how you feel and how things get done etc...Focus on that. In fact, dwell on it.

I myself was a weekend binger at the end and I loved my sober time during the week, but I'd blow it on the weekend. Now I'm sober all the time and its great. Life feels like its supposed to feel....normal.

SoberLifeForMe 12-17-2016 04:57 PM

I do like being sober. In fact, I like it a lot. After I get home from an errand, I'm going to make a bowl of popcorn and hunker down with one of my favorite sodas and see what's on Netflix. Tomorrow morning, I'll wake up feeling so much better than if I was chugging vodka. Ish.

24hrsAday 12-18-2016 05:51 AM


Originally Posted by SoberLifeForMe (Post 6249511)
I do like being sober. In fact, I like it a lot. After I get home from an errand, I'm going to make a bowl of popcorn and hunker down with one of my favorite sodas and see what's on Netflix. Tomorrow morning, I'll wake up feeling so much better than if I was chugging vodka. Ish.

Feeling Way Better!

SoberLifeForMe 12-18-2016 07:02 AM

I do! I actually feel pretty great this morning. I woke up at 6am and don't feel groggy or run down. Just took a shower and am about to rouse the kids to get ready for church... if our vehicle starts in -18° weather, that is.

I feel less overwhelmed today. Still a huge bunch to clean up and change in my life, but every day without alcohol clouding my mind makes me more confident that it's possible. Happy sober Sunday!


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