curl8982

I have been with my partner for 2 and half years. He is my best friend and we have a great time with one another. We talk about having a family and moving in together all the time.
Prior to meeting him, I knew he had gotten 2 DUIs; one where he got into a car accident and almost died. No one else was hurt. I enjoy drinking but after 2 or 3 drinks I stop because I don't like getting drunk. We have always drank together. He works and goes to school.

Everything was great until he would hang out with his friends, get drunk and stop communication with me for the rest of the day. We have gotten in a lot of fights because he does this. I don't think he's cheating, I think he gets drunk and doesn't want to deal with me. For the past year, he has gotten a whole lot better. Until last week when he ended up at a pool hall and lied to me that he was going home. When I caught him in the lie, he wouldn't tell me where he was. Now I don't trust him, the thought of seeing him just makes me more angry.

The next day he knew I was mad so he ignored me. I know I am making a mistake at this point. But how I do move on when I feel he is supposed to be in a my life? This is the person I hope to marry. I don't know how to help or walk away.

PhoenixJ

Hello Curl- I am an alcoholic who destroyed his family. Lost the lot. Getting better. I cannot offer any advice except that you are concerned and because you are reaching out is a good thing. Keep posting- and reading the threads here- there are lots od narratives with lessons learnt. There is stuff for family and friends of alcoholics support and a space for women only (I am not a women). Do you have access to any counsellor services near you that could also offer you advice/support? Alcohol addiction (as with any other)can cause a lot of collateral damage. You may feel unjustified or guilty about how you feel- do not. Trust your feelings- seek help and support. Keep posting. My prayers to you and your partner. PJ

BrendaChenowyth

Trusting your feelings is not the best advice here. Our feelings aren't always accurate. We can feel that something is right and yet have ample evidence to the contrary, it happens to all of us.

You are meant to be with someone who you can trust. You deserve that. You can't trust him. If you deserve to be with someone who you can trust, then you don't deserve to be with him.

There are things we wish and there are things that are..

Forward12

Alcoholism is something that gets progressively worse and worse, and it sounds like it's starting to go down that path pretty quickly. You can check out the family and friends section here on this site and see what often happens once marriage and kids are involved with nasty divorces, kids distraught, emotionally damaged partners, it almost always ends badly.
Unless he's ready and willing to stop now, it would likely be in your best interest to move on.

Doug39

You can't change someone or make them stop drinking. They have to want to change themselves.
Either accept him for what he is or move on.

I have wasted a lot of time in relationships that were doomed - but you have to live and learn.

least

Marrying him won't make him 'get better'. Alcoholism always gets worse. I suggest you wish him the best and move on with your life.

ReadyAtLast

Two things I've learned through life firstly, if I don't trust someone I don't want them in my life. for family, acquaintance s etc I keep them on the fringes.

Secondly, When considering a life partner a critical thing is how they are in difficult times. If someone knew I was mad or angry and just ignored me it shows they do not care for my feelings, don't want to work through the problem and,or are unable to work through problems. Definitely not qualities you need in someone you share your life with.

Anna

He will have to make a decision to help himself. There is little you can do to help. Follow your instincts and do what you feel is the best thing for you. I'm sorry for your situation.

atalose

Some people come into our life as a blessing others come into our life as a lesson.

Maybe his part in your life story is a lesson on alcoholism, which is lifelong. It’s not something cured by rehab or AA meetings it’s put into remission at best with a daily commitment on his part each and every single day for the rest of his life, not to drink.

Maybe his part in your life story is to show you the kind of life you don’t want to live. You don’t want to plan a future with someone you cannot trust. Someone with a long history of drinking issues (2 DUIs) and continues to drink.

Maybe his part if your life story is teaching you to trust your instincts, that deep down intuition that is telling you him and a future with him is a mistake. We often confuse emotional feelings/fantasy with that wonderful guiding gut instinct built right inside all of us.

Maybe the blessing is that you found SR, you posted and are going to become educated on what life with an alcoholic is really all about.

((hugs))

thomas11

I'll throw my two cents in. Under normal circumstances I'd say his behavior is standard guy behavior. We behave around our significant others, and when we are out with the boys...we act like boys. In fact in some communities its still tradition to spend Friday night with the men, and Saturday is for your girlfriend/wife.

With that being said, you've been together 2.5 years and I would think marriage and family might be on the horizon. The 2 DUI's with one involving serious injury and almost death is extremely concerning. So, like others have said, addicts will do some pretty lowly things to continue their addiction, alcohol included. The decision rests on your shoulders, do you think he'll change? I think you said he was good for an entire year until last weekend, is that a deal breaker?