NewRomanMan

Actually, I've been in and around porn addiction most of my life, so you don't really need to tell me anything about it. I would suggest strongly that you read up on the biological roots of addiction. I'm not making excuses for your husband, but you're coming off like you're more of a victim because his is porn and yours is alcohol. Both addictions will eventually take away your freedom to choose freely. Hence the lying, deceiving, betraying and everything else you speak of. The only difference his he's gone farther down the path with his addiction than you have with yours. Addiction not a moral failing. It's a disease.

olow

My exh was a porn addict. I did not know until after the separation when I had his computer searched. He had layers of anonymizers. No photos were found, but lots of reading material was saved about sex with children and weak women. I divorced him in '06. He was a very abusive man and traveled a lot. I was so beaten down that I had no clue.

My sister has been married to a porn addict for 22 years. He fits all the above description and she is struggling terribly. She lives in a therapists office a lot. She is trying to get him to commit to therapy and recovery for himself. It is not going well.

LadyBlue0527

This post won't leave my mind because I completely get why you're asking this question. It's a valid question. We live in a society now where "porn" and the resulting "self act" are widely joked about on TV, in sitcoms, by comedians, in movies, it's all over the place. It's no longer the private matter it used to be years ago. I mean, what's the big deal right? We are all sexual human beings and "the act" is a natural event and a healthy part of our sexuality right? This is true.

However, would you go to one of the spouses/significant others/family members of anyone who is on this board and ask "Why does it bother you that they drink/do drugs?" Whether you realize it or not, these are one in the same when it comes to the effects of addiction.

When a person has an alcohol or drug problem, in most instances, there are episodes that have been physically witnessed by people that show proof positive that the person has a problem. When the person uses they act out and cause harm either emotionally or physically because of their use. However, a porn addiction is not something that is outwardly recognized nor seen by anyone outside of the people directly affected which is usually the spouse or significant other. In turn, that then affects other members of the core family such as the children due to the created discord because of the addiction. Tell someone your significant other has a drinking or drug problem and you'll get an arm around the shoulder and a meaningful "there, there, how can I help?". Tell someone your significant other has a porn addiction and you'll get a raised eyebrow.

Until you have lived with this addiction you have no idea how devastating and debilitating it is. Just like alcohol or drugs it takes the person afflicted completely over. It's like living with two different people. The person you think you know and the person they become when you're not around. It affects everything that is the whole basis and reason for a relationship, trust and intimacy just to name a few. Should no one ever look at porn? Of course not. However, the porn addict becomes obsessed with it. They no longer see sex as intimacy and it becomes purely the means to an end. In some cases they can't even function physically in the act with another person anymore. I'm not going to get into the logistics of "why stay?" This is simply to answer the question I'm addressing.

NewBeginnings, I pm'd you. The best I can tell you is the only way you will find peace is by understanding that there's only one person you can fix and that's you. You have to do whatever is necessary to protect your sobriety.