Sober around family - Tired of explaining myself
 

I am done having to explain my sobriety to people.

I think everyone in my family now knows.. Thanks to a sober Thanksgiving and family vacation.

Funny or sad thing is.... Many haven't excepted it!

That's right... I am still having to explain myself to certain family members.

They seem to "feel sorry" for me . They wonder why ? They keep asking me why I can't have 1 or 2 glasses of wine with supper. Or a Bloody Mary at Sunday brunch.

When I explain that I can't stop.... After 1 or 2. They just don't understand. I guess they "thought" I was a social drinker. The guy that just drank a couple on weekends or holiday parties. .

So from now on..... I'm back to just saying. No thanks "I don't feel like drinking today".

Sorry for the rant.... But it was bugging me and I needed to clear my chest!

Best to all today!! :thanks

Know what you mean - the more I think about it, I think some people don't get it because they are completely different and it's so far from their experience. I think it also scares a lot of people, because they don't want to have to confront their own drinking.

Most of the time I find that people who give us a hard time about our decision not to drink are people who have a clear pattern in their lives of alcohol being in a priority position for them.

Maybe they don't have "a problem" - yet they have a couple drinks every day.

Maybe they don't have an issue stopping - yet they drink at seemingly every occasion there is; good bad or because it's Tuesday.

Maybe they haven't had drastic negative consequences. Maybe they won't have them. But maybe they're still 15-20 lbs overweight and maybe they have given up on doing some of the things they used to like doing and maybe now instead they spend disproportionate amounts of time around alcohol and alcohol related activities. When I look closely, I often see that these people who "don't have a problem" and are giving me a rough time about not drinking - actually have lives that I no longer feel I'd want to live.

I don't judge them, or their choices. I don't begrudge it. I don't even bother pointing these things out to them. For me, simply looking closely and asking myself "do I really want or need to be able to have 1 or 2 drinks and / or be like them"? And now, my answer is no.

If pressed, I simply say "I did all my drinking for this life in the first half. It's no longer consistent with how I want to live the rest of it." - smile and walk away.

Normal people don't get it. I don't waste my time trying to explain it anymore either. I just say I don't drink. If they don't or won't accept it that is their problem. Stay strong!

Your sobriety is probably as new to them as it is to you. Stay sober for a while, they'll accept it as the "normal" for you.

Its interesting that Alcohol is the only drug you have to justify NOT taking isn't it? I think its just so ingrained into our society. I don't think you have to justify it to anyone personally, you are a non-drinker now, simple as that, if they don't get it... well that's their perogative.

Many people have to change friends when they get sober.

To bad you can't change family members.

My wife still drinks everyday. My friends still drink. Most people (even my wife) feels that my sobriety is just "a phase" I am going through until I get my depression and anxiety issues under control. But I have news for them - I am not going back to the life of active alcoholism. Alcohol played a major part in giving me anxiety and depression.

I don't care what other people say or think about my sobriety. I need to stay sober in order to stay healthy and to keep my sanity.

Hopefully they will get used to it soon. I'm kind of firm in believing that 'No, thanks' is enough of a response. I try to believe that I don't owe anyone an explanation.

Yep.. I think it's because I only see some of them so seldom.

Like others have noted... Maybe they thought it was a "phase" I was going through. Which may have been the case in the beginning. But I am firmly and happily bound to stay on the PATH of recovery.

By the next time I see them... Which will be my first sober Christmas .. I hope they will see that I am "good" without a drink.

I think the main issue ... They "miss" drinking with me! I know that sounds strange!! But I am just as happy with a Ginger ale !

This is so true. Nobody is saying to you "oh, why can't you take one or two hits of crack before dinner?" I guess because alcohol is legal and socially acceptable.

You don't have to explain your sobriety to them. It's strange that they aren't happy that you've identified that it's a problem for you and that they aren't glad that you've decided not to drink any longer because of that.

But, I agree that it's either because they themselves have a problem with alcohol that they're in denial about or they just don't understand addiction because they've never had an addiction.

But, who cares what they think! Keep putting your sobriety first.

If you think they feel sorry for you that you can't drink, maybe try telling them that you actually really enjoy not drinking. Say it with a big smile. This is what I do now. The only possible response to that should be "Wow! Good for you!" Kinda shuts down any thoughts they may have that you regret not being able to drink.

I stopped explaining in favour of just saying no thanks, but I'll have a [insert non alc beverage here]

Some in the family still ask me, but I don't feel the need to explain now :)

Even if they don't quite understand they can see not drinking has been good for me

Me too, Doug.

MidnightRider, I get your frustration. People are just really weird about booze sometimes. I once had someone say to me "I don't trust a person who doesn't drink" I was like, "um...LOL" I'm usually quick on the uptake with witty retorts, but some things are just too stupid to even respond to. Keep on keepin' on, MR. It's way better on this side of things for sure :)

As I believe this is our first SR interaction I'll start with a big thumbs up with your musical taste. I started listening to them shortly before Duane died. Yeah, I'm old.

Regarding the topic of your post, and coincidentally I briefly wrote about this earlier today, my experience has been very different when I tell friends and family I no longer drink. Some are big drinkers and some are absolutely not to the extent of abstaining. No pushback at all from them and from people I'm meeting for the first time it's pretty much the same. Can't opine about why.

Soberlicious, I have a very good friend who once said that exact same quote to me. It was about five years ago and we were out for dinner and drinks and even though I was still drinking then I thought it was odd. Whatever, I think he still trusts me even though he knows my beverages of choice do not include anything with alcohol.