Here I am again!!!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 24
Here I am again!!!!!
I'm back after a few weeks of thinking I could drink in moderation. "I don't have to quit, I can control it". "I'll have a couple and not buy any cocaine this time".
Haha what a fool!! I sit here now after a 2 day bender. Started at 6pm yesterday, drank and sniffed until 5am this morning. Woke up at 10 and went down the pub. I'm now starting to come down and I don't think I've ever felt so rough in my life. The only thing that gives me hope is reading the stories on this fantastic website and hoping that one day, ONE DAY...... I might be able to write my own about how I finally stopped putting poison into my body and ruining everything I've ever worked for and alienating anyone who's ever cared about me. I'm not looking for sympathy here, but I honestly feel like a complete and utter scumbag and a waste of space at the moment
Haha what a fool!! I sit here now after a 2 day bender. Started at 6pm yesterday, drank and sniffed until 5am this morning. Woke up at 10 and went down the pub. I'm now starting to come down and I don't think I've ever felt so rough in my life. The only thing that gives me hope is reading the stories on this fantastic website and hoping that one day, ONE DAY...... I might be able to write my own about how I finally stopped putting poison into my body and ruining everything I've ever worked for and alienating anyone who's ever cared about me. I'm not looking for sympathy here, but I honestly feel like a complete and utter scumbag and a waste of space at the moment
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Boy have I been RIGHT THERE.....
YOU're not a scumbag. Neither complete, nor utter. Not at all.
You have addictions - that doesn't make you a scumbag. That feeling is coming from the chemical wallop you gave your brain, the plummeting levels of dopamine and seratonin in your brain, the disappointment in failing to stay sober, etc....
But shake it off. Shame is wasted and only leads you back to it again.
Take this further evidence as an assurance that EVERY TIME you decide to include alcohol and drugs in your life, you'll eventually wind up right back here. Or worse.
Today is a new day. Today, you can CHOOSE to ACT on this new evidence by CHOOSING to embrace sobriety... and then ACTING in support and in honor of that choice.
I struggled with this very same cycle you describe for a long time. It's been nearly three years now.... and I am grateful to be free of that.
you can do it.
YOU're not a scumbag. Neither complete, nor utter. Not at all.
You have addictions - that doesn't make you a scumbag. That feeling is coming from the chemical wallop you gave your brain, the plummeting levels of dopamine and seratonin in your brain, the disappointment in failing to stay sober, etc....
But shake it off. Shame is wasted and only leads you back to it again.
Take this further evidence as an assurance that EVERY TIME you decide to include alcohol and drugs in your life, you'll eventually wind up right back here. Or worse.
Today is a new day. Today, you can CHOOSE to ACT on this new evidence by CHOOSING to embrace sobriety... and then ACTING in support and in honor of that choice.
I struggled with this very same cycle you describe for a long time. It's been nearly three years now.... and I am grateful to be free of that.
you can do it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Missouri, USA
Posts: 890
That plan usually backfires I would reckon. I can hardly give advice as I am only on Day 8 but I hope that you find your motivation to break the chains!
EDIT: Referring to OP's plan, NOT freeowl's of course.
EDIT: Referring to OP's plan, NOT freeowl's of course.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,447
That's what alcoholism does to us. It brings us down and destroys our self-worth, causes us to isolate, and so we want to give up. But, have faith that you can do this. Do you have a plan for how you want to begin your sobriety?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 24
A plan?? I'm haven't got the slightest idea where to even start. I can't imagine life without drink. The thought of going to work tomorrow scares me, but the thought of going to work and not having a drink after is absolutely terrifying. I don't know where to begin 😰
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 24
The state I'll be in tomorrow, I'll be unable to do anything. I'll spend 12 hours from 6am trying to coordinate my blokes to get work done and shaking and sweating at the same time. Having dread and fear all day long and the only thing thing that will end that is to open a few cans of beer when I get home. I'll have 3 and be reasonably fresh Tuesday. Then I'll start all over again, I have to change some fuse boards in a pub on Wednesday, and that can only end one way. I don't want to do this anymore! I can't do this anymore.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Welcome back, here's a link on getting a pan together!! 
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,507
Jtimber - It's so good to have you with us. You're a valuable human being, certainly not a waste of space.
I was in the same sort of shape when I first came here. I drank for decades & couldn't imagine stopping. I had to admit - not only was it no longer fun, but it was killing me. I had to salvage what I had left of my life. It was very rough the first few days - but I gradually began to feel hope again. You will regain your health and optimism, & you can get free. Please stay with us. We understand like no one else.
I was in the same sort of shape when I first came here. I drank for decades & couldn't imagine stopping. I had to admit - not only was it no longer fun, but it was killing me. I had to salvage what I had left of my life. It was very rough the first few days - but I gradually began to feel hope again. You will regain your health and optimism, & you can get free. Please stay with us. We understand like no one else.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
The only way not to do it is to not do it.
No magic to it. It's your hand and your mouth and a decision.
If you make it through tomorrow without picking up, you have proven to yourself that you can do it.
And you can do it. Will it be uncomfortable? Abso-freakin-lutely. Did we all survive it? Yes. So can you.
No magic to it. It's your hand and your mouth and a decision.
If you make it through tomorrow without picking up, you have proven to yourself that you can do it.
And you can do it. Will it be uncomfortable? Abso-freakin-lutely. Did we all survive it? Yes. So can you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by Jtimber 
I sit here now after a 2 day bender. Started at 6pm yesterday, drank and sniffed until 5am this morning.
If you join us and stay sober you will not only feel and think better but, also save a ton of cash.
I don't wish to brag and tell you how much I have in the bank today. You can do the same -- if you make a firm decision to stop.
M-Bob
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Originally Posted by Jtimber
The state I'll be in tomorrow, I'll be unable to do anything. I'll spend 12 hours from 6am trying to coordinate my blokes to get work done and shaking and sweating at the same time. Having dread and fear all day long and the only thing thing that will end that is to open a few cans of beer when I get home. I'll have 3 and be reasonably fresh Tuesday. Then I'll start all over again, I have to change some fuse boards in a pub on Wednesday, and that can only end one way. I don't want to do this anymore! I can't do this anymore.
Why not look us what is available in your area in your lunch break (for example, AA has a simple online search facility which would bring us all meetings in your area - and I suspect there will be one happening this evening after work that will give you far more hope than those 3 beers could ever do). I put off doing this for the first month of my sobriety. After that month when I realised my head was just getting more crazy I finally reached out, and could have kicked myself for not reaching out and getting support sooner.
How you're feeling now is how most of us felt at the start of their sober journey. I know it's hard to believe, but stay sober one day at a time, and things will (WILL!!!) start to get better, and your life will start feeling more manageable, the fear will subside, and you will start to learn about the things you can enjoy in sobriety.
I hope you choose to reclaim your life. Alcohol is not our friend. It is a sneaky, lying, cheating, two-faced B, and your life will definitely be better without it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 24
This is ridiculous. Couldn't get up this morning now going to work with EXTREME anxiety. Shaking like a leaf and can't feel my hands. And what is all for? So I could spend the weekend in the pubs, lie to my Mrs and spend loads of money. Ridiculous!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 379
There ya go! Yeah this morning sucks for certain but if you stay sober, its going to get better and better! Believe it or not, all of the horribleness that you are feeling is a result of the healing that is taking place in your body! You've poisoned it, it has to heal!
Take it one minute at a time today, breath. Take lots of breaks. Drink alot of good for you fluids, water! Pee alot, every time you do all that crap is leaving your body. Eat small amounts, get some hard candy or some gummy chewy high sugar candys. Your blood sugar is all out of whack so some of the shakiness and anxiety feeling might be cuz of that.
Post here as much as you can, every time you get a break. Before you leave to go home- post here. Im home all day today and me and others will be right with you to get you through this day!
You've got this buddy!
Take it one minute at a time today, breath. Take lots of breaks. Drink alot of good for you fluids, water! Pee alot, every time you do all that crap is leaving your body. Eat small amounts, get some hard candy or some gummy chewy high sugar candys. Your blood sugar is all out of whack so some of the shakiness and anxiety feeling might be cuz of that.
Post here as much as you can, every time you get a break. Before you leave to go home- post here. Im home all day today and me and others will be right with you to get you through this day!
You've got this buddy!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 83
Hi Jtimber
I know this feeling so well. The aftermath of binges incorporating drugs and drink are just the worst aren't they? You have my sympathies indeed.
Thankfully, I managed to move away from drugs many years ago but I have had plenty of alcohol related difficulties since. I am addressing that now.
It is only 8 days since I last drank but already the anxiety that was soaring this time last week has basically gone. I know there will be challenges ahead but it is nice not to feel fearful.
There are better lives for us to enjoy, Jtimber but at some stage we have to call a halt to the thing that is destroying us. The idea of getting better without stopping is just a fantasy I heave learned.
I will offer you this for what it is worth. For a while, I sort of thought that everyone lived like this and that drinking heavily and topping it off with drugs was just the done thing. I also thought that all the other guys I knew who lived like this seemed to manage ok and that I just needed to find a bit of balance.
I later found out that:
1) Only quite a small minority of people actually live this way - because it is horrible!
2) All the other blokes I knew were desperate and anxious too. They weren't managing fine at all. When I stopped using drugs, one after another they confided in me that they felt like they were cracking up - but they fronted it out. Some stopped; some carried on. None of the latter group have had good life stories.
I wish you well; those days were hell indeed. I would take all the help and support you can find from wherever you can get it in order to break the pattern. Only then can you stat to heal. But you really can heal. when I read your stories, I have to work now to remember how bad those come-down / hangovers were. But for a while after I stopped using drugs it was like getting over a serious trauma - well, in fact that is exactly what it was, I suppose.
Don't get me wrong, I am brand new at this sobriety game so my experience is very limited. But I can say with some certainty that there is little like the hell of those days you are describing. It is more than a decade since I kicked the drug part of things and though the first few months were a challenge, there has not been one day since that I have not been glad about that decision at least.
Feel free to PM me any time if you feel like it. I am rooting for you!
I know this feeling so well. The aftermath of binges incorporating drugs and drink are just the worst aren't they? You have my sympathies indeed.
Thankfully, I managed to move away from drugs many years ago but I have had plenty of alcohol related difficulties since. I am addressing that now.
It is only 8 days since I last drank but already the anxiety that was soaring this time last week has basically gone. I know there will be challenges ahead but it is nice not to feel fearful.
There are better lives for us to enjoy, Jtimber but at some stage we have to call a halt to the thing that is destroying us. The idea of getting better without stopping is just a fantasy I heave learned.
I will offer you this for what it is worth. For a while, I sort of thought that everyone lived like this and that drinking heavily and topping it off with drugs was just the done thing. I also thought that all the other guys I knew who lived like this seemed to manage ok and that I just needed to find a bit of balance.
I later found out that:
1) Only quite a small minority of people actually live this way - because it is horrible!
2) All the other blokes I knew were desperate and anxious too. They weren't managing fine at all. When I stopped using drugs, one after another they confided in me that they felt like they were cracking up - but they fronted it out. Some stopped; some carried on. None of the latter group have had good life stories.
I wish you well; those days were hell indeed. I would take all the help and support you can find from wherever you can get it in order to break the pattern. Only then can you stat to heal. But you really can heal. when I read your stories, I have to work now to remember how bad those come-down / hangovers were. But for a while after I stopped using drugs it was like getting over a serious trauma - well, in fact that is exactly what it was, I suppose.
Don't get me wrong, I am brand new at this sobriety game so my experience is very limited. But I can say with some certainty that there is little like the hell of those days you are describing. It is more than a decade since I kicked the drug part of things and though the first few months were a challenge, there has not been one day since that I have not been glad about that decision at least.
Feel free to PM me any time if you feel like it. I am rooting for you!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,229
Alcohol and drugs are cunning, baffling, powerful
unless we have a strong defense to keep it away.
What defense can we use?
We know we can't ward it off by ourselves,
alone, cause we tried one to many times to
fail one too many times.
We're sick and tired of this craziness,
this merry-go-round of insanity, we want
off right here, right now.
Knowledge is a powerful thing. Learning
about addiction to drugs or alcohol and
its affects on us mentally, physically, emotionally,
and yes, spiritually....mind, body and soul,
then learn a program of recovery to incorporate
in all areas of our life would be that strong
defense along with a support system like
us here in SR, will guide you into achieving
a healthier, happier, honest way of life.
No one ever has to take this journey in
recovery life alone or by yourselves because
you guys have our back for inspiration, care,
experiences, strengths and hopes to guide
you every step of the way.
Recovery strong with willingness and openmindedness.
unless we have a strong defense to keep it away.
What defense can we use?
We know we can't ward it off by ourselves,
alone, cause we tried one to many times to
fail one too many times.
We're sick and tired of this craziness,
this merry-go-round of insanity, we want
off right here, right now.
Knowledge is a powerful thing. Learning
about addiction to drugs or alcohol and
its affects on us mentally, physically, emotionally,
and yes, spiritually....mind, body and soul,
then learn a program of recovery to incorporate
in all areas of our life would be that strong
defense along with a support system like
us here in SR, will guide you into achieving
a healthier, happier, honest way of life.
No one ever has to take this journey in
recovery life alone or by yourselves because
you guys have our back for inspiration, care,
experiences, strengths and hopes to guide
you every step of the way.
Recovery strong with willingness and openmindedness.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Hang on through this shakey day. Been there, and I remember it well.
Tomorrow will be a little easier. Go to bed sober tonight.
Just ignore the guilt and shame - time away from the bottle will erase that, too.
We're here.
Tomorrow will be a little easier. Go to bed sober tonight.
Just ignore the guilt and shame - time away from the bottle will erase that, too.
We're here.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
