When can you say "I don't do drugs anymore" without feeling like you're lying?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 1
When can you say "I don't do drugs anymore" without feeling like you're lying?
A quiet but warm hello, recoverers one and all,
I thought I'd introduce myself by way of the title question. I've had a drug problem on and off for seven years; the longest "off" period was a blessed stretch of two years plus change. So I suppose it's a five-year problem...?
No matter, for at the moment I only have days clean :-s
And I am struggling to know what to tell "normal" people if they ask me point blank if I have or have had a drug problem. (This happens - where else? - in work, and in dating..)
I've heard personal trainers and life coaches tell their clients to identify themselves with the person they want to be immediately. "You are a triathlete in training," they say, you are an artist, you are a doctor, you are a loving friend...you are just in training.
But could I say that I am a recovered addict at any point? Could I say to someone who has never had a drug problem that "I don't do it anymore" if I only have days? Or weeks? Or months? Could I say it if I have years? After my two-year stretch I was still afraid of calling myself "recovered", or even thinking that I might be. Relapse was always there, waiting to overrun my better judgement like a colony of ants. And I always felt like I was lying when I said I was clean.
Does any of this make sense? Has anyone else ever wrestled with this, and come out on top? What did you do?
I thought I'd introduce myself by way of the title question. I've had a drug problem on and off for seven years; the longest "off" period was a blessed stretch of two years plus change. So I suppose it's a five-year problem...?
No matter, for at the moment I only have days clean :-s
And I am struggling to know what to tell "normal" people if they ask me point blank if I have or have had a drug problem. (This happens - where else? - in work, and in dating..)
I've heard personal trainers and life coaches tell their clients to identify themselves with the person they want to be immediately. "You are a triathlete in training," they say, you are an artist, you are a doctor, you are a loving friend...you are just in training.
But could I say that I am a recovered addict at any point? Could I say to someone who has never had a drug problem that "I don't do it anymore" if I only have days? Or weeks? Or months? Could I say it if I have years? After my two-year stretch I was still afraid of calling myself "recovered", or even thinking that I might be. Relapse was always there, waiting to overrun my better judgement like a colony of ants. And I always felt like I was lying when I said I was clean.
Does any of this make sense? Has anyone else ever wrestled with this, and come out on top? What did you do?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 25
You can say that when you quit lying to yourself. Addiction is nothing to be ashamed of its a disease, no different then someone having cancer or diabetes. You should be proud to say your sober, bc trust me I know how hard it is to quit a drug addiction (day 18 clean) and it most definitely should be something your proud of. If they wanna judge you because of your past then dear you don't need them in your future. Best of luck to you.
you can say it the very minute that you mean it....
when I made the choice to embrace sobriety..... I began saying "I don't drink" and "I don't do drugs".....
even though it felt a little 'fake', it was the honest, deep choice I'd finally made.
I say, CHOOSE IT.... SAY IT.... INTEND IT..... CREATE IT.
when I made the choice to embrace sobriety..... I began saying "I don't drink" and "I don't do drugs".....
even though it felt a little 'fake', it was the honest, deep choice I'd finally made.
I say, CHOOSE IT.... SAY IT.... INTEND IT..... CREATE IT.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 2,950
You don't have to tell anybody anything. It's none of their business. It's yours. Tell yourself. I know this sounds blunt, but as long as we continue to tell ourselves we use, that we are addicts and that we will relapse, then those things are already true... Recovery is something we have entered in to, it isn't a frame of time, it's a frame of mind.
oops, sorry- why am I telling them? Do I feel like I am not a 'normie?'. Am I confessing? What would happen if I do tell them. Do they need or even want to know?
If I met someone at a Xmas party and they started (or during talking) up by saying 'Hi, I'm X, I have depression, watch porn at the office and smoke in the toilets'- that would be a little uncomfortable. If you want to tell people- if you do not feel guilty or unworthy, then go for it. I ask myself why and what difference would it make and what would change if I did? Every thought, past action and event in my life does not and probably should not be advertised.
If I met someone at a Xmas party and they started (or during talking) up by saying 'Hi, I'm X, I have depression, watch porn at the office and smoke in the toilets'- that would be a little uncomfortable. If you want to tell people- if you do not feel guilty or unworthy, then go for it. I ask myself why and what difference would it make and what would change if I did? Every thought, past action and event in my life does not and probably should not be advertised.
i sure wouldn't TALK about drugs in the work place, except as a random offhand joke. unless they caught me doing lines at my desk, OR my health required i be admitted, the topic is OFF the table.
in the dating scene......that really depends. not sure the first five minutes of the first date is the best time, but you also wouldn't want to "wait" six months down the road.
all that being said, are you DONE with drugs now? i personally do not feel i am ever fully recovered from addiction, because i remain exactly one really bad decision away from falling back into the morass. yet at the same time i will say i am a former crackhead.........so go figure huh??? LOL
each person has their own interpretation.....some take a more hard line approach - some believe in counting days - some don't even track their quit date. the key to success is NOT USING EVER, not under any circumstances, no matter what, even if it falls out the sky into the palm of your hand.
and then doing whatever it takes to stay quit.
in the dating scene......that really depends. not sure the first five minutes of the first date is the best time, but you also wouldn't want to "wait" six months down the road.
all that being said, are you DONE with drugs now? i personally do not feel i am ever fully recovered from addiction, because i remain exactly one really bad decision away from falling back into the morass. yet at the same time i will say i am a former crackhead.........so go figure huh??? LOL
each person has their own interpretation.....some take a more hard line approach - some believe in counting days - some don't even track their quit date. the key to success is NOT USING EVER, not under any circumstances, no matter what, even if it falls out the sky into the palm of your hand.
and then doing whatever it takes to stay quit.
You can and should say to yourself that you're a happy sober person from the time you made your firm decision. Like others have said, that's not a work place topic, unless your boss is pressuring you to party with them.
The question of whether I drink alcohol or not really does not come up much. Once example was when I was with a family friend who I had not seen in a long time and she asked what I prefer, beer or wine. I just said I don't drink. The conversation was over. Once a guy asked me point blank, "You don't drink? How come?" I just told him I stopped when I turned 30 just to be healthier. Again, the conversation ended there.
When it comes to my sobriety, I have a policy of "the less information the better."
When it comes to my sobriety, I have a policy of "the less information the better."
Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 122
If you've decided you 'don't do that anymore', and you want to share, I think it's perfectly acceptable to just say 'I don't do that anymore' -- even if you're only on day 2.
Everyone has the potential to do things they regret. I am adamantly against murder, but I could technically accidentally run someone over at some point in the future. Does that mean I should be hesitant to tell people I'm not a murderer?
I've spent a lot of time feeling guilty or weird about my drug/alcohol usage in the past, but as a lot of memebers here will tell you, the past is the past. It's over. You can't change it, but it doesn't own your future behaviour.
You 'don't do that anymore' when you take the leap and stop. As long as you're committed, it doesn't matter how many days you have under your belt in my opinion. Age is just a number
Everyone has the potential to do things they regret. I am adamantly against murder, but I could technically accidentally run someone over at some point in the future. Does that mean I should be hesitant to tell people I'm not a murderer?
I've spent a lot of time feeling guilty or weird about my drug/alcohol usage in the past, but as a lot of memebers here will tell you, the past is the past. It's over. You can't change it, but it doesn't own your future behaviour.
You 'don't do that anymore' when you take the leap and stop. As long as you're committed, it doesn't matter how many days you have under your belt in my opinion. Age is just a number
waking down
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 4,641
Everybody looks at this from their own personal perspective and circumstances. In my case, I figured if I made it a year I would let people (outside close friends and family) know that I've been in recovery over a year. I wanted to feel confident in my progress; that I wouldn't likely relapse.
A year went by and I wasn't so sure. And at work I was still afraid of judgement. And then I needed surgery, and opioids, and well, I just didn't feel free of the threat of relapse.
Two years went by and I was feeling pretty confident. Very confident, actually. But I just didn't trust my new administrators at work. I didn't know how they would respond, so I stayed in the closet, so to speak.
Reaching three years this month, and at this point it slips out casually to those I trust, but as for everyone else? Well, it's none of their business, actually. I tell people I don't drink, but I don't give details or announce I'm in recovery. I just let people talk. "Interesting guy, that Zero. Plays music in bars but drinks tea. Has a past, I bet." Or, "Oh, he used to drink. I remember one time..." "Not sure what happened. Seems to be doing good, though..."
Let them talk. Except for the need for income and not wanting weirdness with my employer, I don't care what people think. Just my two cents. My little story...
A year went by and I wasn't so sure. And at work I was still afraid of judgement. And then I needed surgery, and opioids, and well, I just didn't feel free of the threat of relapse.
Two years went by and I was feeling pretty confident. Very confident, actually. But I just didn't trust my new administrators at work. I didn't know how they would respond, so I stayed in the closet, so to speak.
Reaching three years this month, and at this point it slips out casually to those I trust, but as for everyone else? Well, it's none of their business, actually. I tell people I don't drink, but I don't give details or announce I'm in recovery. I just let people talk. "Interesting guy, that Zero. Plays music in bars but drinks tea. Has a past, I bet." Or, "Oh, he used to drink. I remember one time..." "Not sure what happened. Seems to be doing good, though..."
Let them talk. Except for the need for income and not wanting weirdness with my employer, I don't care what people think. Just my two cents. My little story...
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,822
The most important question , is what do you think?
I think it is possible that anyone can quit , stop using any substance and not pick it up ever again if they decide to.
When I first came to SR , I saw mention of RR/AVRT( there are great threads about these ideas here on SR in the Secular Connections forum) . Those ideas resonated with me and I recommend checking them out.
The idea of announcing that at some point in our lives we have been addicted can be viewed as the AV( addictive voice) literally stating that we 'are'(not were) 'different' and some how other than normal. For no other reason than to give ourselves some wiggle room to leave the door open for a future yummy relapse.
Thinking about how to represent ourselves to others is an expression of how we view ourselves. I view myself as recovered, ended my addiction full stop. My current and future actions will reflect that I have made a full and unconditional commitment to abstinence, I believe anyone can make the same commitment and that going forward from day "1" their actions in regards to not using will be indistinguishable from any 'normal' actions of those who have never used.
My AV doesn't like that stance though, IT would rather keep me guessing when/if my non-normalcy will 'come out' and 'override' my commitment and make a relapse 'happen', jokes on IT though, cos I don't care what IT thinks, or others' ITs for that matter.
I think it is possible that anyone can quit , stop using any substance and not pick it up ever again if they decide to.
When I first came to SR , I saw mention of RR/AVRT( there are great threads about these ideas here on SR in the Secular Connections forum) . Those ideas resonated with me and I recommend checking them out.
The idea of announcing that at some point in our lives we have been addicted can be viewed as the AV( addictive voice) literally stating that we 'are'(not were) 'different' and some how other than normal. For no other reason than to give ourselves some wiggle room to leave the door open for a future yummy relapse.
Thinking about how to represent ourselves to others is an expression of how we view ourselves. I view myself as recovered, ended my addiction full stop. My current and future actions will reflect that I have made a full and unconditional commitment to abstinence, I believe anyone can make the same commitment and that going forward from day "1" their actions in regards to not using will be indistinguishable from any 'normal' actions of those who have never used.
My AV doesn't like that stance though, IT would rather keep me guessing when/if my non-normalcy will 'come out' and 'override' my commitment and make a relapse 'happen', jokes on IT though, cos I don't care what IT thinks, or others' ITs for that matter.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)