Spartanman

I made a week of no drinking, which was really good for me. Then I fell off. Then I had a few days clean after a horrendous binge, but then I fell off again for two days. Then I had one day sober, and then wham yesterday I went completely off the rails again. It's like I'm swirling around a drain and the circumference is getting smaller and smaller.

I haven't been doing anything for my recovery if I'm honest. But I hate alcohol and want to never drink again. I want to feel healthy and clear. I feel cruddy today and have anxiety about my health. I still have that hangover taste and a fuzzy brain. I'm bloated and tired. Everyone here knows what I'm talking about I'm sure.

I don't know anyone like me who just can't get it right. Also, I read people saying they drank every day, or they are binge-drinkers, but I am both at the same time, a daily binger . I feel like the worst.

I read stories of alcoholics who got sober after a few tries and maybe had one or two relapses but then they self-corrected. I have literally tried to quit and then resumed drinking thousands of time probably. This is insanity. I have to find something that sticks and make it work.

Feeling a bit hopeless at the moment.

thomas11

As long as your still standing and fighting, you're in the game. Have you ever tried professional help like rehab, counseling or treatment? Might be worth a shot if it saves your life.

NewRomanMan

Hi Spartanman. I feel your frustration. Maybe it's time to reevaluate what is or isn't working for you to maintain sobriety. Sounds like what you're doing now isn't working. And let's be honest, to "want to never drink again" is commendable, but it won't get or keep you sober. Not by a long shot. Concrete action on your part is the only thing that will give you a real shot. We're all here for you.

Coldfusion

Hi Spartanman!

I have a couple suggestions:

1. Look up AA meetings and get to one as soon as possible.

SoberLeigh

I haven't been doing anything for my recovery if I'm honest.

^^^^ This jumped out at me in your post.

Have you seen Dee's thread on why he recommends a plan? A Plan could be a game-changer for you.

I'll post a link in a minute, spartanman.

SoberLeigh

As promised:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

Dee74

Hi spartanman

yeah I think if we want change we need to make changes...if we do pretty much nothing we'll always drift to the default and the default is drinking.

With a little time and effort you can change that default

D

Spartanman

Thanks everyone. I am going to read through the thread posted above and look at getting a plan together. Also I need to post here more as on those days that I posted I didn't drink, so there may be a correlation there ...

least

I failed a lot too, too often to remember. But when I finally wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink, then I stayed sober.

kinzoku

We can always try again. Always.

Every day is an opportunity to succeed afresh.

I just threw away my beers and committed to having a sober evening. I hope you will join me.

tomsteve

I won the battle by admitting to myself that alcohol was the common denominator in all my problems, I WANTED to stop drinking, and I was willing to do whatever was necessary for that to happen- I surrendered.

kintsugi

Seriously, this ^

Zebra1275

I haven't been doing anything for my recovery if I'm honest.

There lies the problem.

kintsugi

I failed a ton of times -- years of flip flopping between short periods of sobriety and extended periods of heavy drinking.

It can take a while to get the hang of it. The important part is finding something you find sustainable, and never giving up. Even on the most garbage days I've had sober, I feel better knowing I have the power to make a difference now as opposed to just getting drunk and leaving everything as ****** as it was when I started.

The fact that you're trying speaks volumes. As everyone else has mentioned, try getting a little more active in planning your sobriety, and see if that makes any kind of difference. and never be afraid to ask for help!

Keep posting!

Midwest1981

I was right there with you 6 months ago. I tried countless times to quit and then would binge for a few weeks and try to quit again. Finally I have 6 months. You have to decide no matter what you won't pick up that first drink. That is the one that gets us.

I hope you feel better soon. Keep posting and play the tape forward when you think about drinking.

D122y

Spartan,

The world according to D122y...

I was right where you are many times. I was uneducated. Here comes some education.

You are a drug addict. Like a crack head or a meth head.

You are very physically addicted. That is the easy part. Your mental addiction is what gets us all and causes relapse...over and over.

Alcohol messes w the dopamine production in your brain. It makes you feel good when you drink.

When you don't drink, for now and a very long time from now, you will feel bad.

That is why you relapse over and over.

It is mind over matter. You analytical mind fights the emotional mind.

The emotional mind wants the booze to feel good, the analytical mind knows the booze causes all the problems.

Get through the detox, about a week. Heal a bit..about a month. Change your lifestyle to be content w out booze. This is a forever job. Hence AA or other programs.

Otherwise, you will continue in this death spiral until you die.

Keep posting and asking questions. It is easier to embrace sobriety then fight the addiction.

Thanks.

StormiNormi

A psychiatrist once said to me, "if thats what you think, then it's true"
Ticked me off at the time, I thought what kind of validation is that?
Its taken me a long long time to understand that statement through experience.
(it is a long road from head to heart)

When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.

When you BELIEVE in sobriety as an attainable fact; sobriety will become your reality.

From a fellow SR cronic relasper.

Anna

We do understand how hard this is. And, I think you understand that you need to make changes in your life to make this work. What is one thing you can do today to help yourself stop drinking?

Almanda

By keeping on trying you are doing ok. Just don't give up. I am going to try to do the same.

Spartanman

Thanks again everyone for the encouragement and advice. I have made it to day 3, still committed to staying sober even though the last two days have been rough to say the least. A lot of drama and craziness in my family life right now so I had to implement my "plan" immediately. I know that emotional stuff is a serious trigger, and I was close to saying "Screw it, let's just try again tomorrow", but I was able to separate myself from the situation, go through my list of pros (which is minimal) and cons (very long and could be much longer). Actually did some light exercise instead. Still very early on day 3 but I will be using these strategies instead of driving over the liquor store for a quick fix. I will post again later, looking forward to watching the Giants play the Cowboys, will be able to appreciate the game and remember what happened tomorrow.