Really sick of alcoholism
 

I'm 26 years old and have been drinking and using drugs heavily since I was 16. It really stopped being fun for me at around 22, and after losing relationships, and many other tribulations I now just feel trapped. I'm caught in the middle and am stuck in this cycle of doing well, and relapsing, doing well, and relapsing. Its really bringing me down. All I want is to be able to enjoy one drink but it escalates way too fast and before I know it everything comes crashing down on me again. The guilt and shame and feelings of helplessness are enough to really want to give up and just accept my fate as a drunk. This of course is not what I actually want but I can't get past two weeks sober. Even countless detoxes aren't keeping me away.

I'd give my left nut not to have this disease. So here I am, a new member on this site hoping it will help. A new day 1 for me today, I think I just needed to share.

Thank you,
K

Welcome to SR Kyng! I think you've experienced a lot of the same things many of us have, so don't feel alone. Also, Kudos to you for coming to this realization at such a young age, you've got a full life in front of you to make changes and have a better/sober life. Hope you'll stick around, there's plenty of information and support to be had here.

Welcome!

I think we all understand your feelings of frustration. Alcoholics cannot 'enjoy one drink'. It's not possible for us. Stopping for good is the only solution that will give you back your life. I do hope you decide to join us.

Welcome, K.

So you fully admit that you are an alcoholic? Yet you say:

You can't. Not one. Not ever. Can you accept that? Fully accept never drinking without resentment or fear?

When you can you will probably succeed at sobriety.

keep the manbits and just don't drink. and if you do that, your whole world will open up. and you can ditch the guilt, the shame, the emptiness.............

Just
Don't
Drink

Thank you all, I was in AA for seven months while I was 23, and I know that I have to be willing to put in the effort. You really get out of sobriety what you put into it. Life is really overwhelming and being able to get loaded and 'check out' is the only way I know how to handle it. But of course I'm not handling it at all. My life is unmanageable. I'm scared of sobriety but also scared of alcohol and drugs. But your encourage ment is great to hear, thank you all.

The great thing to focus on is that when you stop drinking forever, that stuff can't hurt you anymore.

Welcome to the family. :) I hope our support can help you get sober for good. :)

Welcome to SR, Kyng. This is a great place for support, encouragement and understanding.

Glad you found us.

Welcome to the Forum Kyng!! :wave:

Honestly, "having alcoholism" is really not so bad. You can do anything in the world you want to do besides drink alcohol. That leaves a lot of stuff to do. On the other side of the coin it takes many of those other choices away if you drink. See......that is really not a hard decision. That is exactly how I look at it. Once I was able to start looking at it this way, things began to get easy.

Welcome to SR. I could have written your post myself, especialy the struggling with life and wanting to 'check out'. Being a similar age, I can very much relate to your post. It's about accepting that we just can't have that one drink, because it always leads to more, and even if it doesn't you still 'want' it. The constant battle is exhausting so I know how you feel.

I know now for me the only option is complete abstinence.

hi k welcome

Welcome to SR Kyng. I hope you are able to find some relief. Many great people here.

Hi Kyng :)

this sentence jumped out at me too

I has to accept that was not possible for me. ever.

Rather than being a loss tho it's actually been a gain - I've gone from a life I despised and being a person I hated to a happy man living a life I love.

All that came from giving up drinking (and a little work) :)

D

Welcome,

I can relate to your story. I wanted drinking to be a casual thing and to enjoy it like others. I just could never control it. I always wanting more when others seemed okay with one or two.

I spent a lot of time trying to manage my drinking, aka drink like a normal person. The negatives finally took over and there were no positives left to drinking.

I was able to stop when I accepted that I would never be a moderate drinker. I can hear in your words that you're at that point too.

Feeling successful after a period of sobriety is a common time for people to slip up. Sober time can bring back the old belief that you're in charge of alcohol. Be extra vigilant whenever you realize how long it’s been since your last drink.

You said----
"Life is really overwhelming and being able to get loaded and 'check out' is the only way I know how to handle it. But of course I'm not handling it at all."

I can’t speak for everyone with a drinking problem, but the majority of those I’ve met, grew up with high stress in the family along with lack of good coping skills being taught to handle stress in a healthy way. Bad combination.

Staying sober will force you to adjust, and discover better ways to deal with your probs. Many people take a lot of naps in the beginning of sobriety.
For anxiety, I learned that aerobic exercise calmed me down and also helped my insomnia. I never would have found these solutions if I kept turning to the bottle for help.
Wishing you the best

Welcome Kyng!

That one drink will get you every time. Some people can have that one drink and be fine, but just like me, it sounds like you can't have just one drink. It will cause you to crave more and more. To succeed that one drink thinking won't work.

I wish you the best on beginning your recovery!!