Sinderos

On my time hop app, it has a picture of me from 1 year ago today. I was 4 months sober. What really caught my attention was how good I looked. My face looked fresh, not flushed or splotchy. I looked healthy. I started back drinking just a few days later.

This picture really has made me think about what I'm doing to my body. I have dark circles under my eyes, feel tired most of the time, and anxiety has returned.

By the outward appearance, from people who didn't know me prior, I seem "normal". I moved back to Flordia 5 months ago. I had my performance review last week and received high praise and an excellent review.

I feel like a fraud. If they only knew my battles outside of the office, they would be shocked. It's even easier now to stay hidden away inside the apartment drinking. I have no family here. No one expects me to do anything after business hours. I do get out more now, but I'm home by 6:30 or 7 to drink my night away. Weekends I'm home by noon to do the same.

This isn't living. This is existing and waiting to die. I want to live and have a fulfilling life. I need to take that first step, again.

Ariesagain

You know you can, you've done it, so that first, seemingly impossible step of not drinking you know in your heart is in fact possible.

C'mon down. It's nicer here.

doggonecarl

I have no regrets putting the drink down. None.

What does your regret list look like thanks to drinking?

Yes, and then keep going. You deserve the life you can live sober.

HTown

You sound like me a few months ago. As long as you pay your bills, show up for work, make the occassioal phone call no one is going to call you on your drinking. A few months can turn into a few years and that time is just wasted. Pun intended.

you can do this, you can stop this cycle. Stop hurting yourself. Stop beating yourself up. It is so worth it.

totfit

The "yets", fear of the things that might happen, are not what keeps me sober. Not even the horrible things that have happened are not what keeps me sober. What keeps me sober is that I have one shot at this life and drinking limited me in such a way that I was not "living". I know where you are coming from. I actually found the "awfullizing" detrimental. What keeps me sober is that I know my life is better not drinking. I set small goals in front of me and take care of business. I am able to enjoy the highs and lows that come with life and understand that my contributions make things better or worse, but I am able to influence the outcome. I have learned patience and understand results are not immediate, but it is about the journey. Above all, I understand that alcohol just does not work for me. It does absolutely nothing for me. If you don't pick up and get through the initial discomfort, you are on your way. I will say that exercise and healthy eating have been a critical part of my journey and helps me remain balanced. Rooting for you.

thomas11

Hi sinderos, I've followed you for quite awhile. I hope you can take that first step. You know what awaits you is a much better life. Join us.

PurpleKnight

Welcome back Sinderos, great to hear from you!!

Opivotal

((Sinderos)) I'm so happy to see you back and posting.

Thank you for your honesty. You've taken the first step ... let's move forward and reclaim your life. We're here to support you in that journey.

Anna

Sinderos, it's good to see you and know that you are back here with us. You know you can do this and that you can feel better. It's hard, but it's worth it.

ScottFromWI

Welcome back Sinderos. You've already taken the first step by coming here actuallly, now you need to add the second. How can we help?

Hevyn

Very glad you decided to post, Sinderos. You never have to feel alone - we've all been through this. You can get free again and have the life you deserve.

entropy1964

Hey sinderos
You can do this. I've struggled a lot too so I relate. I can't remember if you had tried any kind of program but I know it helps me a lot. Hang in there.

Dee74

I believe you can do it Sinderos. Coming back here is a good step in the right direction. Maybe join the Class of December support thread?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-thread-9.html

D

soberclover

Soooooo happy to see you back